CURRENT HUMOUR

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVII, Issue 23809, 9 November 1940, Page 7 (Supplement)

CURRENT HUMOUR

She used so much make-up, he called her his powdered sugar. As they say on the Continent, it's a wise chilii who knows its own Fatherland. A dietetic writer thinks people would •'be healthier if they ate half-cooked vegetables. So do many cooks. It appears that the consumption of beer is decreasing in America. They will have to try prohibition again. NOT TRYING "Can your little sister walk yet?" "No. Her legs are all ready, but she is too lazy." LOUD AND LONG Elocution is a good thing. But it doesn't go far enough. It merely teaches a man how to speak . . . not when or how long. MAKING SURE "You called the plaintiff a rogue, a swindler and an ass! Why did you box his ears into the bargain?" "Well, he is rather hard of hearing."

"Yes," said the H.A.F. pilot recently, "we outnumbered them this time by one to two." "I believe business is picking up." "Booked some orders to-day?" "No, but I had several civil answers. We arc told that a new postman is usually shown his round by one of the old hands. An address rehearsal, so to speak. FULL-TIME OCCUPATION Mike: "I haven't seen my Uncle Pat for ten years. Tell me what he's been doing all that time." Ike: "Ten years." WASTE Willie: "How do you like your sister's new beau?" Johnnie: "Aw, he's a chump! Ihe poor fish gave me n shilling and took her out for the evening, tool" NO CHANGE "What's your natne, boy?" ".jimmy, sir." "No, J mean your full name? "It's .Jimmy, full or empty."

Wife (on beach) "I might have

known I couldn't trust him to go paddling while that hussy was out there on the raft." A little pull will get you anywhere—unless it's through a door marked "Push." We spend too much time wishing for what we haven't got—but what else is there to wish for 5 "Money isn't everything." "Maybe not, but everything is nothing without it." MAN OF HIS WORD "If you refuse mo," lie swore, "I shall die." She refused him. He kept his word. Sixty years later he died. TAKING NOURISHMENT Director of the Zoo: "How is the sick lion to-day? Has ho found his appetite again?" Keeper: "Rather! He has just eaten the veterinary surgeon." A CURE "You don't look well." "I can't sleep a wink. Tf I don't get .C3OOO by next Tuesday I must declare myself bankrupt." "My dear fellow, why didn't you come to me before'"' "What? Can you raise the money?" "No, but I have an excellent remedy for insomnia."