WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVII, Issue 23719, 27 July 1940, Page 2 (Supplement)

WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING

Parliamentary Lullaby A SCORE of M.P.'s, including two Ministers, , collected round a wireless set in the House of Commons to hear the 6 o'clock news. One of them switched on the set just before the hour. "Good night, children," cooed a sweet feminine voice. —Peterborough, in The Dally Telegraph, London, Test parachutc-troops are pro- " vided with collapsible bicycles. It is said that each machine is personally tested by Field-Marshal Goering to make sure it collapses. —Punch, London Naming a Joint "TS it true that the popular Joint of beef we call the sirloin received this title because a former king of England knighted it?" nsks a correspondent. "If so, which king was it?" This story has been told of several English kings; but there is 110 real proof of its authenticity. The fact is that the word "sirloin" conies to us from the French "surlonge," which means "011 the loin." Not so romantic, perhaps, but more easily to be believed 1 ' ■ —Answers, London.

Strength THE local inn had a reputation for its very strong brew. As an example of its effect: The innkeeper was awakened at midnight by a loud knocking on the front door. Putting his bead out of the window, he shouted: "Go away. You can't have anjTthing to drink at this hour." ""Who wants anything to drink," was the response. "1 left here at closing time without my crutches!" —T. Paisley. Belfast. Grim Humour T LIKE Hannen Swaffer's story of i Comedian Ronald Frankau's four-year-old daughter taken down to the cellar, so that, if there were a raid, she would bo accustomed to it. "What is this for?" she said, seeing the, preparations. "It's in case the Germans come," they explained. She looked, as though counting them, at the chains. "But whero will they all sit?" she asked. —Puck, In Tit-bits. London.

What is a "Gent"?

T SUPPOSE the question: "What is a gentleman?" has been asked thousands of times and answered in scores of ways. To describe anybody as a gentleman seems to mean anything and nothing. On share-transfer forms and things like that, a man's occupation is often defined as "gentleman," meaning that lie is in •no business and is retired. Which, of course, is ridiculous. The curious part of it is' that to speak of a man as means something quite definite! Perhaps the best definition of a gentleman ever propounded is: "A person in whose company 110 one is uncomfortable." —J. Cameron, Manchester. What, Indeed?.

"WE printed Adolf Hitler's picture * * 011 our front cover because we think he makes the best advertisement that meat has ever had. 011 see, Herr Hitler doesn't like meat. He hates it! He loathes it! He detests it! He never eats it. So what?" —AII American Meat Trade Journal. England Successfully Invaded

A N overworked and stout official somewhere 011 the South Coast of England saw a French soldier leading a large, fierce-looking Alsatian. "Whoso dog is that?" he asked. The soldier indicated an officer.

The officer, with a charming smile, explained. "I find him in Lille. He march and fight with us all the way to Dunkirk. The regimental mascot, you understand. I bring him over 011 the boat. He stay with me, I think?" The official, the police, all the elaborate machinery for turning back or quarantining invading dogs were defeated.

The Alsatian stayed. —Tho Daily Telegraph, London

Progress? 'un, my big ambition was to have a gig and a gal. Dad: Well, when I was a boy 1 wanted a flivver and a flapper. Son: Say, Pop, how about me having a 'plane and a Janer —T.M., Bcarsden, in tho Sunday Chronicle, London.

The King's Wish

TT is time the nation know that, at the darkest hour of the Battle of the Gap, King George desired to be with his men across the Channel. He notified the Prime .Minister of his wish And asked whether arrangements could be made for him to leave for the Front Line. The matter was laid before the Cabinet, which, in its wisdom, reached the conclusion that such a journey at that time would be inadvisable. It was pointed out to His Majesty that his brother the Duke of Gloucester had only narrowly escaped serious injury during a Nazi bombardment a few days earlier. —News Review, London. Change of Viewpoint "P XLIGHTEXMENT as to the wisdom - Lj of evacuation may come from many sources. The following conversation shows how it came to one Manchester parent: — Pupil: "My dad says they can 'vacuate me as soon as they like, miss." Teacher: "That's good, Eric. I remember your father was_ strongly against it last time. He said a child must have home influence. I wonder what changed his mind?*Pupil: "I think I did, miss." Teacher: "Good for you, Eric. What did you say to him?"

Pupil: "00, I didn't say nothing. You see, mum, used always to help 1110 with my homework, but she's too busy now. She said dad must help 1110 in future. . . Ho helped me last night." —Manchester Guardian.

Lucky Seal •THE seal emits a well-fed grunt, And claps its cheerful fins; Then, after every foolish stunt, It wags its double chins. I'd «'o the same, and so -would you,

For 'it would be a treat, Li someone threw a fish or two, Now that they've rationed meat. —A. N. Ford, in London Opinion. Old Soldiers "EXPRESSIONS learnt in the Army during the last war are still used by many men. We hear of one middleaged motorist, for instance, who always refers to his windscreen Yprcs. —London Opinion.

Exclusive T>* Russia, all court-cards have been abolished and you now call one notrump nil three Commissars and a District Surveyor. , , —London Opinion. Misplaced Names TKMIMAV.LLLE sounds American, bat " is in Cromarty, and Derry Ormond is in Cardiganshire, not Ireland. A traveller who announced that he was going to Dresden in North Staffordshire, was justifiably surprised when a friend said, ."Oh, I always thought Dresden was in China." —Manchester Guardian. Answered T OKD PALMERSTON was asked by a heckler at an election meeting whether he would support a certain unpopular measure. "1 will . . said Palmerston. "Hooray!" shouted the heckler. "Not . . said Palmerston. "Hoorav!" veiled the crowd. "Tell you," 'concluded Palmerston. —Public Opinion, London. Sitter

T ORD LINLITHGOW will shortly receive a present which is now 011 its way from England. This is a bronze bust of Gandhi modelled by Mrs. Clare Sheridan when the Congress leader was in England for the Round Table ference. , . Mrs. Sheridan did her bust under difficulties. Gandhi sat to her while squatting on the ground weaving, and Mrs.' Sheridan, in order to get the proper proportions, had likewise to sit 011 the floor. She tells me that she has never tried to sell the bust. Somehow she felt she "did not want to make monev out of Gandhi."

Or Hop It? \ T tlie end of the first week away from home on a new job the voting husband wrote to his wife: "Made foreman —feather in my cap."

After the second week he wrote. "Made manager—another feather in my- cap." . But after the third week ho,wired: "Sacked —send money." His wife telegraphed back: "Use feathers. Fly home.'' —Tatler, London.