WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXVII, Issue 23618, 30 March 1940, Page 2 (Supplement)

WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING

Explained Scots visited the local cinema and saw a picture of the B.F.F. going through their daily routine in France. On the way home Jock said to Sandy: "It's funny wc never saw any of the Scottish regiments in that ture."•'That's so," said Sandy. "1 suppose they'd bo keeping the Germans back while the Knglish had their photographs taken!" —J. Gumming, in the Sunday Express, London. Hot Stuff! (GERMANS are complaining that the only cigarettes they can obtain now burn the tongue. We understand that owing to the stringent black-out regulations it is compulsory to smoke with the lighted end in the mouth. —Punch, London. Telephone Conversation-Piece OCFXF: A new Ministry. 1 Time: Saturday morning. New Ministry foil the telephone): What is the position of the contract? Firm: It's rather complicated. Will it do if 1 ring you tirst thing Monday!'' New Ministry: Good heavens, man! Don't von realise we are at war? Firm: All right, I'll go into it right away and phone you back later. New Ministry: Yes, please do. By the way. ring me before 12 noon. We close at twelve on Saturdays. Peterborough, in the Daily Telegraph, London.

Fad Man TJK used to keep his muscles sinKw.v with daily dozens —thin— And where his stomach should have horn it Wasn't. But now he's tired of all of it — Hr'd rather cat and sleep and sit— And as for keeping fit, he daily Doesn't. Rebecca Dunlap in The Saturday Evening Post

"The Problem" "JfRAXCE does not wish to brood now generations to ho sent to tho battlefield every twenty years. This is the problem to he considered before the day of settlement, before the day when we shall see our brothers again and the bright ray of victory come up over the horizon." —M. Herriot. An Anecdotal Subject AN artist of the Inst century, Augustus Leopold Egg. R.A., was sitting next to Philip I'alderon at a dinner party and happened to say that he was having difficulty in finding suitable "anecdotal subjects" for his pictures • '"But, Mr. Egg." exclaimed Calderon, "there is a great masterpiece which remains to he painted by you." "What is that ?" eagerly inquired Egg. Whereupon Calderon gave the title, "The Albumens Throwing Off the Yolk, by A. Egg." —From "lift Me Tell You," by A. C. P. Carter. (Hutchinson.) Merger A MONTHLY paper owned by FieldMarshal Goering is called "The Four Yours' Plan." With which is incorporated "The Blitzkrieg?" —The Humorist, London. Torch Substitute r PHE quiet of a moonless night in a North Lancashire town was broken by a hollow clang suggesting ghostly fetters, but the wayfarer's rising hair subsided when a discreet beam from his torch revealed a. burly coiillieaver, who explained with a demonstrative gesture, "It's nohbut a tooathri nails in a canister, to stop folk running into me and getting worst on't. Thev hear mo coming in my clogs, but them are at mend and ah conna get a battery." Then, apologies nindc, bo clattered off in the black-out. —Lucio, in tho Manchester Guardian.

Short Cut "DOO did ye damage yersel', Donald?" the bandaged herring fisherman was asked. "Och, we just took a wee short cut ha me, through the minefields." —Evening News of London. Early Billiards A x exhibition of "billiard antiquities in London in aid of the Red Cross serves to emphasise the uncertain origin of what a seventeenth-century writer described as "this most gentile, cleanly, and ingenious pastime. ' An American writer has resurrected a reference to a game analogous to billiards played in Greece in the fourth century 8.C., and also to the alleged possession of billiard balls and cues (of brass!* by a second-century king of Ireland. 1 he general opinion, however, seems to be that the game originated in France and that its rules and form were laid down by an artist, Henrique Devigue, in tho time ot Charles IX. —Manchester Guardian. "Oh Yeh?" H ITLKR, Goering and Goebbels were on their way to Berlin when the car broke down. Luckily they got a lift from a passing lorry, hut the driver didn't seem unduly impressed. '"1 see you haven't recognised me, my man, I'm Hitler." "Oh yeh?" "Be careful, my good fellow, do you know that I'm Goering.*" "1 can take a joke, but if that little Jew in the hack says lie's Goebbels, nut go the whole ruddy lot of you." ■ —London Opinion. The Nazi Mind (~)H. the Nazi's salute it is comic And his gait could be hardly less subtle, His Army indulges the goosestep, And his Navy delights in the scuttle. —Tho Children's Newspaper, London.

One Up J IKE so many other children, my 12-year-olrl son looks upon lorterwriting as a form of punishment imposed by inconsiderate parents. When the war broke out 1 sent the boy to the west coast of Scotland. For a time ho seemed to make excellent progress at his new school, and then I detected an old carelessness in his letters. At last one arrived with seven spelling errors. To my wife 1 said, "This is appalling. Will you write? He will think 1 am always lecturing." My wife wrote. There came back a letter with all the offending words correctly written and a note. "May I tell you, Mothet, that in Scotiand appalling is spelt with two 'p's'?" —T.W., in the Manchester Guardian. Lonsdale Belts Q.OLDSUITHS will regret the decision of tho British Boxing Board of Control tn issue no more Lord Lonsdale challenge belts until the war is over. These trophies take long to make and call for delicate craftsmanship. They are composed of gold (15 and 8 carat) and enamel. In tho large centre plaque, surrounded by 15-carat gold, is an enamel cameo of Lord Lonsdale, president of the board. Two smaller plaques show a boxer in boxing attitude. Four other solid gold plaques shovr in relief the emblems of England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales. The belts cost £250 apiece. —The Daily Teletrranh.

Swing and Milk r PHE voice of Mr. Raymond Gram Swing is well known to every one in Britain. Since 1935 we have heard him every Saturday night at 9.10 p.m. giving his enlightening American Commentary in deliberate tones. His lace is not so familiar to us, although from I <>J(i to 1931 he worked as London correspondent for New York and Chicago newspapers. In 1937-38 he was New York correspondent lor a London newspaper. Mr. Swing (the "Gram" was liis wife's maiden name) talks regularly, not only to us and to Canada, but to America (on foreign news), and the 8.8.C. programmes "for active service listening." And during his talks he sucks milk through a straw! —Audax. in John O'London's Weekly.