LOCAL GOSSIP

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXV, Issue 23145, 17 September 1938, Page 4 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP

I] By MERCUTIO ii

Rival Creeds THE rapidly-approaching general election seenrs to be causing interest among even the younger members o£ the community. Two boys, about six years old, were seated in the gutter discussing their country's politics. "My daddy's going to vote at th' election," proclaimed one, importantly. "So's mine. And my mummy too," retaliated the other, and w J ont on proudly: "My daddy s a a Labouiite." This evidently piqued the first, who relapsed into troubled silence. Then suddenly his face lit up. " 'S nothing!" he cried proudly, "My daddy's a New Zealander!" Further Rivalry Some little while ago Wellington announced with pride that a male emu in its zoological gardens had assumed tho arduous tusk of hatching a number of eggs. Auckland's immediate counter was that Auckland emus were always model husbands and not only was our bird sitting on a batch of eggs at our zoo with every prospect of success, but that he had actually hatched a number last year. Stung by this news Wellington lapsed into silence about its wonder bird. Now our bird has hatched three eggs, and Wellington's only retort was that its bird was still sticking to the task and results might be expected any day. Undoubtedlv it would have hatched its eggs long ago, but weather conditions had been against it. 1 here seems to have been a tale about an aviary for even larger birds than emus which might have been established at Wellington, but the weather conditions were against it. Czechoslovakia or Oil? In spite of tho best efforts of those who write them, newspaper captions sometimes convey meanings that are not intended. A classic example was tho London contents-bill, which read: "Mark Twain Arrives in England." "Theft of tho Ascot Gold Cup." 1 lie other day an Aucklander, scanning a Hawke's Ray paper, thought he had come across some news from Central Europe under the headlines: "Non-stop Drilling." "Prospects Brighter." On reading further, lie discovered with surprise that the item related to the search for oil in the Gisborne district. Plenty of Time Tho way of the golf professional is not always easy, and it is hardly to be wondered at if lie is driven to desperate expedients sometimes. The pro at a favoured holiday resort was troubled with a pupil who could not bo induced to slow down his swing. Ho invariably swiped furiously at the ball, as though bo thought it would dodge away from him. Admonition being of no avail, tho coach suddenly asked, in a tone of studied carelessness, "How much longer arc you staying here, sir?" "About a week." tho pupil answered. "Then what's your hurry?" barked the professional. "There's plenty of time to hit that ball " Grandma's Cooking There is at least one household in Auckland which does not agree with the popular theory that the modern housewife is not as good as her mother. Although she was generally not permitted to undertake anything of a strenuous nature, one day grandma decided that she would give the family a treat and cook a real old-fashioned

Scotch pie. Enthusiastically she invaded tlio wash-house for onions, and several hours later triumphantly placed tho proud results of her labour before a sceptical family. The dish was relished, but some hours later the diners were laid low with some mysterious malady. Many and varied conjectures were put forward, but it remained unsolved until it was discovered that grandma had mistaken some daffodil bulbs for onions! The Nineteenth Hole Action and re-action are equal and opposite, say tho scientists, and though this is notably exemplified in the game of golf, they could not have had in inind tho case of the player in a recent tournament. Playing golf all day, he had yet managed to keep pace with "doings" most of the night as well. In point of fact, ho hadn't been to bed for a week. Then re-action set in. Gripping his putter in shaking palms, he gazed owlishly at the ball, then blinked and gazed again. Then quietly he sat down on the green and covered his eyes. His opponent came forward with concern. "Anything wrong?" ho asked. With trembling hand the afflicted one pointed to the ball. "It breathed!" he whispered. These Mushrooms A recommendation that something over £SOO be spent to give the local State houses some water has been adopted by the Otahuhu Borough Council. Although it is a good thing to give water to a camel or a dying man, it seems hardly the correct procedure to go to considerable expense to water mushrooms. It is a case of Pome not being built in a day, but being cultivated overnight, so to speak. A Spot of Irish The Emerald Isles surely must claim the ancestry of the gentleman who placed a sign, marked "Poad Closed," at tho foot of tho new road which is in the course of construction through the Domain. All that is now visible of the highway is a mass of mud and clay, which vaguely resembles a road in shape. Disconcerting Candour A young married couple had been searching for a maid for several months with a varying degree of success. After numerous experiments, a young Maori girl was obtained who seemed to show some aptitude. However, on her first morning, she was hovering about the bedroom while her mistress was dressing, when she made tho spontaneous inquiry, "How much did they 'rook' you for your pyjamas?" Appcrently Not Wanted Children arc sometimes tactless, and if the members of a certain Rugby team at Eden Park recently could have heard a question put to his mother by a child 011 the terraces, they would surely have buried their heads in tho mud with shame. The opposing teams were not very well matched, and so the play was all at one end of tho field for long periods. It was during one of these periods that the child arrived. After a few minutes of silence, he looked up and said, "Mum, what arc those posts for?" "They are to tell them when the ball goes over, darling." The child eyed the players milling round the goal where they had been for tho past ten minutes, then, pointing to the far, deserted end of tho field, said, "Aren't thev going to use those ones?"