LOCAL GOSSIP

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXV, Issue 23009, 9 April 1938, Page 4 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP

Money for the Races THE palm for the best reply to the question that has been on everybody's lips this week: "What do you think of the superannuation scheme ? " must go to a very respectable citizen who makes a hobby of the goings-on at Ellerslie, Te llapa, etc. " It is good," lie said. " Now 1 shall be able to go in at the front door of the races. Up to now, I have had to sneak in the back way with the housekeeping money." No Novelty

New Zealand has got a new geyser, so it's said. A blow-out occurred on the silica terraces at Orakei-Korako, and tho result is a now hot spot. Usually a blow-out is tho signal for a hot spot of some kind, but in this instance it was not pneumatic. To return to geysers, however! there is the story of the American tourist just arrived in Auckland and informed that "we've plenty of geysers here with outstanding features. You'll have to have some snaps of them." "1 don't want any," was the reply, "We've got heaps back home, old blokes with whiskers on." Out of the Mouths of Babes. . .

She was only seven, and superannuation was somewhat above her head. When her father had finished with the papers, however, she carried them off and attempted to puzzle things out. Having spent a rather fruitless halfhour she returned to her father. "Daddy," she said, "is Mr. Savage going to give us pocket-money, or something. . . .?" Ignoring a Maxim

Proceedings in the Supreme Court were held up for a brief spell the other day because pouring rain made such a din that voices were drowned. This was described as an unusual occurrence. So it may have been, but it was also flagrant disregard of that ancient Latin maxim, Fiat Justitia Ruat Coeluin — "Let justice be done and let the heaven fall." Bishop and Boating

In the same issue of the Herald that announced the result of the OxfordCambridge boat race, mention was made of the 129 th anniversary of the birth of George Augustus Sehvyn, first Bishop of New Zealand. The boat race was held oil April 2, the Selwyn anniversary fell three days later. In that linking of historic events there was an unusual significance, for Selwvn rowed for Cambridge in the first University boat race ever to be held. That was on June 10, 1829, and the course on the Thames between Hambledon Lock and Henley. Waterloo might not have been won on the playing fields of Eton and Harrow, but some of the pioneer work of New Zealand missions was certainly begun on the Cam and the Thames. Even when Sehvyn was honoured with the historic dignity of curate of Windsor he retained his love of the river, of swimming and boating, and this love was later to mean so much to his life and work on his pioneer journey throughout this country. | Seven Ships to a Mile

The approaching visit to Auckland of the great steamship Empress of Britain is an event that suggests one or two comparisons in regard to length. To merely say that she measures 760J feet does not so well express a sense of dimension as is conveyed by an imaginary line of vessels of the same length stretched end to end in Queen Street. Four of the ships would extend from the gates at the head of Queen's Wharf to' a point a short distance beyond Wellesley Street, while the end of the fifth would rest somewhere beyond the Town Hall. Seven vessels would extend 43 feet

By MERCUTIO

beyond a mile, and nearly reach Karangahape Rd. That the beam could not be uceominodsited in all parts of Queen Street is an incidental fact that need not spoil the comparison. An Old-Time Shipping Event The coming of the immense leviathan of the deep may suggest another comparison to a few very old Aucklanders who remember the first trip of the Governor Wynynrd, the first New Zea-land-built steamer. This vessel, which was turned out of an Auckland yard in 1851, was a 00-ton paddle steamer, and had a keel 52 feet in length and a beam of 13 feet. The maiden voyage was from near the old Wvnyard Pier to Panmure. When the Tamaki was reached there was an excess of steam which, according to chronicles of the event, blew off through the paddle boxes with reports like cannon fire. " The cattle on the river banks, after being transfixed with terror for a moment, flew for their lives, tail on end." From the Governor Wynvard to the Empress of Britain is indeed a far, far cry. Wrong Again

She is engaged to one of twin brothers, and was showing signs'of restlessness as slie waited, anything but patiently, on the street corner where lie had promised to meet her. At last she saw him, coming up the street apparently without a care in the world, and quite regardless of the fact that he had kept his future wife waiting a good 20 minutes. "George," she greeted him, with a certain crispness, "what do you mean—?" "George" smiled. "I'm Fred," he replied. "George has been delayed and asked me to let you know." The Government's Easter Egg The Government has proclaimed its intention to keep up the price of eggs. Mr. Savage seems also bent upon producing an out-size in eggs. 'Jake, for instance, the gigantic Easter egg that is being presented to the people of New Zealand in the form of the wonderful but nebulous National Security Plan. Mere size in outward form, however, is not everything. So far, this great egg appears to consist mostly of a flainbuovant 'kind of shell. Taxpayers, of course, cannot be blind to the shell, nor yet to the "shell-out" process that seems likely to be the lot of many of them for an indefinite number of years. They will certainly have their yoke, whatever kind of a _ yolk the egg may be found to contain. Second String

The traffic inspector was in the throes of a talk to some primary school children and was busily expounding one of the minor rules of road safety. He spent a fair amount of time in impressing on them that if a ball were to roll on to the road, only one of their number should retrieve it. Then, after finishing his lesson, he began to question the children on the points he had outlined. He came to the problem of the runaway ball and asked tne children how manv of them should chase it. " Two, sir," came the reply. " One to get the ball if the other is knocked down!" Called to Account

Presenting his account at the door of a suburban dwelling, an Auckland milkman was politely informed by the person who answered the knock- that the lady of the house, Mrs. Blank, was out. The tradesman was turning to leave, after intimating that he would call again, when a four-year-old nephew considerably enlivened the conversation with the remark: "Xo, she's not. She's in the front room!" Followed an awkward pause, after which the caller was hurriedly informed that the "she" referred to was the child's mother, Mrs. Blank junior. Although perfectly true, the explanation sounded tamo and laboured in the ears of the person making it, and the milkman's departure was watched in uncomfortable silence.