GREGORY CLARK

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXIV, Issue 22819, 28 August 1937, Page 14 (Supplement)

GREGORY CLARK

aro thousands, tens of thousands of happy ones." "I suppose you're right," I admitted, thinking of all tho long, long streets, tho long streets cast and west, the long streots north and south, packed with mysterious homes, behind whose smiling windows and back of whose closed Mona Lisa doors there blooms a secret and happy life. "I'd like to help him some way," said Jim. "I wonder if any of our friends aro thinking of moving? Maybe they would take over Alex's lease." "If all you want is a lease broken, my friend," I said, "I can attend to that littlo matter. I'm tho champion lease breaker of six counties. "You can't break a lease, said Jim. "Not one of these modern apartment leases, printod in littlo typo, front and back." "I can break any lease," I said. "Indeed," said Jim, "and how?" "If I thought it was in Alex's interests to movo," I said, "I could have him in his new apartment in less than a wook." "How?"'domanded Jim. "Stag parties," I replied. "Stag parties?" said Jim. "Parties," I said. "Bridge parties, dancing, far into the night, radio going full blast, rowdyism, fights, people loudly laughing good-bye down tho apartment liouso corridors at two and threo a.m." "Mmm, mmmm," said Jim delightedly. "Tho first night," 1 explained, "the janitor calls and reports that the neighbours aro complaining. You carry right on. Tho people upstairs rap and stamp on tho coiling. The people downstairs got brooms and tap on their ceilings with tho broom handle sharply." "There's probably somo clause in tho lease," arguod Jim, "covering this kind of thing." "People aro frco," I stated. "Tho mistako is on tho part of tho landlord, in letting such noisy people into his premises." "By George," cried Jim, "it might work." "Might work," I scoffed. "My dear boy, it's working all tho time. Why, thero aro regular gangs of lease breakers you can hire, liko drain repair gangs./'

(Noted Canadian Humorist)

We turned the radio on loud, one of those thumpa-durapa orchestras they seem never to have until after 11 p.m., and Tjr o took turns dancing with Dora. We talked uproariously, shoved things around, moved the chesterfield, dropped a tin tray a couple of times, and Jim tap-danced. Sure enough, there came a loud rapping on the ceiling above. Shortly this was followed by a telephone call from the janitor, informing us that several neighbours were complaining. "We're ]ust having a little fun," said Alex. "Aren't wo supposed to have any fun in this place?" And, with me for cheer leader, we all laughed loudly and derisively so that the janitor could hear us over the telephone. We carried right on. In a few minutos, the people below rapped with the broom handle, just as I had predicted. "You'll got some anonymous telephone calls from neighbours, next," I stated. And sure enough, the telephone rang and somebody said he'd come down and clean up on us if wo didn't quit. "Come on," shouted Alex cheerfully, "the more tho merrier." "A fight with another tenant," 1 explained, "would be swell. That would get tho landlord worried over the problem of losing several tenants or only ono tenant. Boy, your lease is practicallv broken now. Carry on!" We tossed the card table from hand to hand, wo rolled tho chesterfield nnd the thumpa-dumpa of tho radio rose louder and louder. There was a knock at tho door and a pale gentleman in a dressing gown stood there. "I havo a sick child," ho said. "If you haven't common decency enough " Alex closed tho door and wo were quiet for a minute. "Stirgory," I .explained, "is often painful. This is surgery Ave are performing."( "His child isn't sick." cried Dora. "I saw the brat this afternoon rolling marbles in tho corridor when I was trying to have a littlo nap. It's just an excuse." So wo proceeded per programme, and tho tolephone rang and knocks on walls, floor and ceiling continued, and wo really got worked up with tho job, until, to tell tho truth, we were all a littlo exhausted; when there came a sliarn peremptory knock on the door. Alex opened. There stood the janitor, and behind him a groun of three youngish men. voungish, bulgish men, in sweaters and flannels. Tt looked like a varsity gymnasium team. "Is this racket going to go «a?" demanded .the- ja»ifawv trimly.