LOCAL GOSSIP

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXIV, Issue 22670, 6 March 1937, Page 4 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP

" Dirty Work "

TNCLUDED in the demands of the local bodies' labourers, one that has been agreed to by their employers' representatives is a request for ifcl an hour extra for "dirty work." There is no truth, however, in a suggestion that this will be indulged in only at crossroads. "The Ashes" Now that the English cricketers have failed to regain "The Ashes," after being scorched to almost a cinder by the Melbourne heat, it is interesting to glance back to Australia's first test victory over England when the term, "The Ashes," was first heard. This was in 1882, when W. L. team defeated the Old Country by seven runs at the Oval. England then received the greatest shock of its cricketing life. The excitement of the spectacular finish was too much for one spectator who dropped dead from heart failure while several others fainted. A London newspaper published an In Memoriam card regarding the "Death of English Cricket," which stated that the body would be cremated and the ashes sent to Australia. When they were recovered in the following year an urn was provided. The feats of earning and re-earning the urn have provided earnest and exhilarating sport for upwards of half a century.

Wheelbarrows and Pensions Is there a conflict of opinion between the Prime Minister and Mr. Semple? The other day an assemblage of people in the South was thrilled by the spectacle of Mr. Semple accidentally driving a road tractor or roller over it despised wheelbarrow and shovel. Almost immediately afterwards Mr. Savage, speaking of the national pension scheme, remarked, "We cannot put the steam roller over what is alreadv in existence. Mr. Semple might well retort. "Well 1 have done it!" but on tiie other hand he might accept his chief's words as an implied rebuke. If so there is still hope for the harmless and sometimes necessary barrow and shovel.

Sleep at Any Price A succession of noises at nijiht. which rudely interrupt the suburban dweller's' rest ami leave him sleepless and bad-tempered, have resulted in rigorous measures in certain cities overseas, and in an agitation for the suppression of irresponsible noise-makers even in Auckland. It all seems so unnecessary, when an Auckland woman, a victim of insomnia, has put into practice a scheme that is highly successful, even if unconventional. Roosters that refuse to refrain from crowing are suppressed at dusk each evening, a box being dropped neatlv over each wouldbe he wider of the dawn, and the woman herself then proceeds to enjoy a quiet sleep, not in one of the several airy bedrooms her house boasts, but in a huge and almost hermetically-sealed cupboard, in which she has erected a camp-stretcher.

Sensitivity of Shares Tt is remarkable how sensitive stocks and shares are to the daily news. At least, overseas they are. In this country they won't budge an inch, even when the Government puts the bailiffs in. But we read from overseas exchanges that "wheat gained six points to-day on reports of rain in Argentina," or "tin touched a new low level 011 advice of a strike in Timbuctoo." and we smile to ourselves, because wheat and tin never behave like that here. But it must be true that stock exchanges keep a watchful finger on the world's pulse, for metal prices have been soaring lately, just because a few dictators and would-be dictators have been saving a thing or two. And now it has been revealed that scrap metal is practically non-existent for those who

By MERCUTIO

desire to procure it. In other words, the greater the prospect of a scrap the less scrap there is. Hut it is certain that if we don't get all the scrap we want in a peaceful Way we may get more than wo want of it in a real scrap. And how will the exchange react to that?

To Fly or Not to Fly A "hard-case old Tory" in Canterbury said the other day that if men had been meant to fly they would have been given wings. This is a remarkable type of reasoning. The hardened sinner might similarly argue that if men were meant to go to heaven they would have been given wings—and keep on sinning. However our Tory friend has a supporter of his reasoning in the dear old lady who once remarked: "You can Hv by aeroplane if you wish to, but I am going to travel by train as Nature intended." Changing the Tune The newly-ordained clergyman was about to undertake his first parish visiting, a duty he had not been relishing as he was a stranger in the district. He was nearing the house he planned to visit first, when he heard an exuberant pianist playing fortissimo a modern jazz tune, the somewhat risque words of which he happened to have heard. As lie reached the gate, the small daughter of the house appeared at the front door, and then disappeared as though pulled by a string, and a moment later the tune changed, jazz giving prompt place to a spirited performance of "Onward, Christian Soldiers." Only years of strict training prevented the youthful cleric from having hysterics at the gate.

Shop System Misunderstood The little girl was with her mother in the "Help Yourself" department of a large Auckland store. It was the child's first visit. For a time she watched silently while her mother, without reference to any .salesman, stowed away package after package in n large kit-bag she had picked up. At length a possible explanation dawned on her. "Do you just steal everything here?" she asked .quietly. Friendly Mosquitoes

Readers of the Herald were reminded a few days aso that mosquitoes are making their annual nocturnal visitation. The information is Really superfluous. These friendly little creatures make their own approach known —and felt. Those on whom their attentions are bestowed have the doubtful satisfaction of waving their arms about and striking deadly blows; or what would be such if their nearest approach to a bull's eye was not confined, as Mark Twain observed, to "hittinc the spot where they once were."

Apotheosis of Drumming The man on the kerbstone is apt to suppose that playing the bass drum is merely a matter of brawn, but apparently there is more to it than that. In the recent Dominion band contest at Nelson the bass drummers had a special solo competition all to themselves, and it was won by a gentleman who had officiated for the Nelson Garrison Band during the past 31 years. Whether the competitors were called upon to play a tune or merely chromatic scales is not recorded. Later on the winner was presented with a gold watch subscribed for by his past and present colleagues, who testified that his playing had been an inspiration to them. Such tributes are all too few. Some years ago a witty American -wrote a thesis in an endeavour to plumb the psychology of orchestral double-bass players and analyse the aspirations that led them to take up the calling. The big drummer of the bass, band has yet to find his Boswell.