LOCAL GOSSIP

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXIII, Issue 22344, 15 February 1936, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP

BY MEBCUTIO

Mysterious lights seen from Rangifoto Channel One night were judged to have their origin in a torch in the

hand of a boatman. No doubt he was , using the torch in trying to pick up the Beacon. In a distant realm one dark night a New Zealander unconsciously flashed signals which brought bullets whipping about his ears from the enemy trench a few yards off. Ho had forgotten that he wore a luminousfaced watch on his wrist when ho tubbed his nosb.

Mortgago money is reported to be fcheap and plentiful again. It is difficult to decide whether this is a matter for rejoicing pr sorrow, but if there is nionev to be lent New Zealanders will -always borrow and hope for the morrow*. Mortgagees are said to be lending for louger terms and they might just as well begin that way, because most New Zealand mortgages have been aptly described as being of the Mavourneen variety—" it may bo for rears, it may bo for ever." Of course there are the new-fashioned demand mortgages, concerning which it is needlessly explained that the idea of payment on demand is merely a legal fiction.

They have a school for training gardeners in Christchurch. The idea may be a good one for tho South, but, there is not much you can teach some of the jobbing gardeners of Auckland. They are the oldest of old soldiers and are never short of work because they make a little go such a very long way.

When two locomotives starting about the same mark and travelling at tho same speed come dowij. converging lines the result is an impact of some kind. But this sort of collision may have its vagaries. For instance, one engine may merely shoulder off the other. This happened in tho Auckland railway yards a few days ago. The photograph shows that the engine on the left hand line got it on the shoulder if not on the hip. And what else could anvone expect? You simply cannot buck against tho "precedence of the right of the line. As that famous training soldier Rough-Rider Sergeant Rowe used on occasions to say to his colonial charges: " Right of the line, pride of the British Army and terror of the whole world—Roval Horse Artillery." Yes. Right of the line has it and the railway people must not try any new notions. l ~

Chamois have become a pest in the Southern Alps and are to be shot, not for sport, but as a stern business. What - would the late Emperor Francis Joseph say could he know his gift to New Zealand had become a pest within 30 years of landing ? The chamois were the jealously preserved sport of the nobility in Imperial Austria, but have rapidly degenerated in New Zealand. Unfortunately this will not be a simple case of presenting the unwanted with running shoes; the chamois is astonishingly agile without them. Where other " deer could be shown the place tliev -'got off," the chamois would stay on, and get on, and thrive. Mr. Parry will have to ask the ingenious Mr. Semple for a new recipe against these Alpine • ■croungers.

The New Zealand language may well perplex the foreign visitor. It was remarked one recent day that there had been a fair bit of crook weather this summer. Also that the gale had been a fair cow and furthermore a perfect swine. Other descriptions which may be left to the viva voce class. Perhaps with them the foreigner might be more at home.

• They are talking about streamlining in Australia. That is nothing. The last chicken that came this way •was not a chicken, but apparently through many generations of streamlining practice was built for speed—in disappearing. After the drumsticks had been allotted there was only stuffing left.

Those who have been digging up references in Kipling to New Zealand have not mentioned " The Parting of the Columns,'' wherein the incredulous Tommy exclaims, " Parrots peckin' lambs to death!" The journalist was never lost in< the poet

. It is recorded that the luncheon given by the Lyttelton Harbour Board when its graving dock was opened in 1888 cost £533, wines accounting for £240. One of the elders says he is astonished at the figures. He wants to know how they managed to consume all that food. One gathers that in those bright days catering* 4 for official functions was roughly in the proportion of two bottles of champagne to one sandwich.

They were discussing the easiest way of losing money, and one said he had quite a fancy for Moquette. " And not a bad little moke," said another. No one saw it until the schoolmaster explained.

The Dunedin City Council has decided to remove guns that are mounted in > reserves and public gardens, but has Hot arranged for their final disposal, v Why not include them in the next shipment of scrap metal to Japan?

• Housewives, it seems, may not in future be able always to procure the brand of flour to which they have been accustomed, because the Government's Dow scheme for manufacture and distri-

bution may not take account of such small things as personal preferences. Whether it is right that greater issues should submerge such small considerations may be left for profounder minds than Mercutio's to determine. But what is evident is that the housewife will have a new and cast-iron explanation if the pastry is not as flaky as it should he, or if the scones are too much like cement tiles. The lady who, reproached because her pikelets were tough, said the flour must have been tough, will have a new lease of life.

One of the suburban local bodies, considering the question of a bridge or tunnel for the Waitemata harbour, decided to support the idea if it need not commit itself on the delicate question which and did not incur any financial responsibility. Mercutio, as a ratepayer, feels much the same about it. In fact, he is prepared to support almost any public project if ho is absolved from making any decision about it and guaranteed against having to P&J' anything for it.

" +u Scotsman visiting New Zealand says tbat of all the countries he has seen this is the one he likes sufficiently well \ to settle in after his own. You can't ask anything fairer than that from a Scot, ■y, .now can you? In fact, he seems to have much the same outlook as the Irishman frho, being told by an American that if were not an American he would HI Choose to be an Irishman, promptly . :.toid that if he were not an Irishman he *°'ild choose to be one; so they were ®°th of tho same mind.