THE LUCK OF THE BODKINS

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXIII, Issue 22319, 17 January 1936, Page 14

THE LUCK OF THE BODKINS

By P. G. WODEHOUSE

CHAPTER XXIV. —(Continued) There were very few people in the world capable of damming Albert Peasemarch when in full flood, but most foitunately one of those happened to be in the room at this moment, "Hoy!" said Lottie Blossom. "Miss?" Lottie was severe. "What's the idea, you poor fish," she demanded warmly, "coming butting in here on a pleasant gathering ot friends and shooting your head off; What do vou think this is? Some sort of a hall you've hired? Or Commencement Day*, with you delivering the valedictory address?" v _ "I fail to follow you, miss." ' "Well, let's put it this way. Who let you loose ? What are you here for ? Why the speech? And when do you propose to give us some idea of what you're talking about. - '" Her manner pained Albert Peasemarch. "Air. Bodkin knows what I m talking about, Miss." "Do you?" asked Lottie, turning to Monty. "No," said Monty. "I was just wondering." . "Come, come, sir," said AlDortt Peasemarck. "Look in your heart, sir." "Look in my ?" "Examine, your conscience. We all know," said Albert Peasernarch, dropping easily into his stride once more, "that there are things a gentleman does not want mentioned in the presence of others, but that is very different from saying you don't know what I m talking about. Look in your heart, sir. Read its message, think, sir, . . . Reflect " "Steward," said Lottie. "Miss?" "Mr. Llewellyn has just given Mr. Tennyson a five-year contract to go to Hollywood and write scenarios for him, and Mr. Tennyson and I are getting married almost immediately. "I'm delighted, miss." "You should be. Because it's the one thing that's stopping me giving you a sock on the side of the head which you would remember for the rest of your life. If I wasn't feeling so happy, you'd be on your way to the hospital right ncftv. Now, listen, steward. Will you tell us—get this, steward—in a few simple words—mark that clause—what it is that you are trying to get off that fat chest of yours?" Albert Pcasemarch, always a Bayard of courtesy towards the opposite sex, inclined his head. "Certainly, miss, if Mr. Bodkin has no objection." "I'd enjoy it," said Monty. "Then, miss, I am alluding to Mr. Bodkin's questionable action in endeavouring to smuggle a valuable pearl necklace through the New York Customs without paying duty on it as prescribed by law." "What!" "Yes, miss." "Is that true?" said Lottie. "Certainly not," said Monty. "The man's loony." "Then perhaps," said Albert Peasemarch, with quiet triumph, "you will explain, sir, what it was doing inside of that Mickey Mouse what you gave me to "wrap tip into a brown paper parcel last night."

"What!" . "That is what I said, sir— What? Last night," said Albert Peasemarch, addressing the company at large, "Mr. Bodkin here rang his hell for his steward and sent him to request me to come to his state-room, nnd when I came Mr. Bodkin said, 'Peasemarch,' and I said, 'Sir?' and Mr. Bodkin said, 'Peasemarch, I have here a plush Mickey Mouse what I'd be obliged if you would wrap up into a brown paper parcel, and I said, 'Certainly, sir,' and I took it away to wrap it, and I hadn t hardly started doing so when I says to myself, 'Hullo!' I said, 'there's something inside of this mouse,' and investigation proved that my surmise was correct, for I unscrewed the animal's head and there was this valuable pearl necklace to which I've been alluding. " Hoi' I said to myself. I was astonished, sir, said Albert Peacemarch, looking at Monty like a governess. " Astonished and grieved." " But, dash it " ' " Yes, sir," repeated Albert Peasemarch firmly. " Astonished and grieved." " But, dash it. I know nothing " Peggie felt compelled to intervene. " The matter is—what's that expression of yours? —the matter is susceptible of a ready explanation, old man. This necklace belongs to Old Llewellyn. In return for certain concessions I agreed to smuggle it through for him. Watching you screwing off and screwing on the head of that mouse that night we chatted in your state loom gave me the idea for " "And that," said Mabel, "is why lkey wanted the mouse so badly just now." Albert Peace inarch seemed uninterested in these 'exchanges. "Yes, sir," he resumed, "1 said to myself, ' Ho!' and I was astonished and grieved, because smuggling is contrary to the law and L wouldn't have thought it of you, sir. So I said to myself " " Never mind what you said to .yourself," interposed .Lottie. " What did you do with the thing?" " There is a strict rule, which every member of the corps of stewards is enjoined to obey, miss, which says that all valuables found or discovered by them must be took at once to the purser and placed in his charge." "Gosh!" said Lottie. She turned to the others and read in their eyes that tho word summed up their feelings, too. Mabel was the first to speak. " Poor old J key!" Reggie endorsed this view. " Quite. 1 don't say Pop Llewellyn is a man I would ever choose to go on a long walking tour with, but one feels a pang of pity." " He'll have to pay duty, after all," said Mabel. " lkey can afford to pay duty," argued Lottie. " Sure. But Grayce told him not to. That's where the trouble is. I'm afraid this is going to stir Grayce up quito a little. You know what she's like." Lottie nodded. Mrs. Ivor Llewellyn was no stranger to her. " She's quite apt to rush off and got a Paris divorce." " That's true." " And another aspect of the matter," Peggie pointed out, "is that Pop Llewellyn on learning the news may quite easily explode. These men of fuil habit, as I dare say you know, fre- I quently spin round and hand in their

(COPYRIGHT)

AN AMUSING STORY BY A POPULAR AUTHOR

dinner pails under tho influence of a sudden shock. The.y get what are called strokes, 'i hey clutch at their throats and keel over."

" That's true," said Lottie. " So tliev do," said Mabel. " 1 should say," said Keggio judiciously, " that when Llewellyn discovers lie has given mo a contract to superintend his sequences and Ambrose a. contract to write scenarios and Monty a contract to be a production expert -all at extremely high salaries —all lor five years—and all for nothing, something in the nature of spontaneous combustion would supervene." "So J said to myself, ' Ho!' ' proceeded Albert Peacemarch, enabled by tho silence that followed these remarks to secure the floor again. " 'Ho!' i said to myself. And then 1 thought for a bit and 1 said to myself, ' H'm!' And then I thought for a bit more and I said to myself, ' Yes," I said. ' I'll do it,' J said to myself. '1 wouldn't do it for everyone,' T said to mvself, ' but I'll do it for Mr. Bodkin, because he has always proved himself to bo a pleasant, agreeable young gentleman, the sort of young gentleman a mail likes to do a good turn for.' So tho upshot and outcome of it all was that 1 didn't take that necklace to the purser, as enjoined by the strict rule. I just slipped it into my pocket, and hero it is." So saying, ho produced from his trousers pocket a pencil, a ball of string, a piece of indiarubber, threepence in bronze, the necklace, a packet of chewing gum, two buttons and a small cough lozenge, and placed them on the table. Ho picked up the pencil, the ball of string, the piece of indiarubber, tho threepence, the chewing gum, the buttons and tho lozenge and returned them to store. It was some moments before any of those present wore able to speak. Monty was tho first to break tho silence. " Golly!" said Monty. " I wish you could get tho stuff over here." " What stuff, darling?" asked Gertrude. " Champagne," said Monty. " To me, the situation seems to call for about six bottles of the best. I mean to say, you and I are fixed up, Ambrose and Miss Blossom aro fixed up, Reggie and Miss Spenco are fixed up, and I intend shortly to present Albert Pea sera arch, ass though he is in many respects, with a purso of gold. But what mars the whole binge is that we've nothing to wash it down with but ginger ale. In America," he explained to Gertrude, " they have a foul thing called prohibition, which prevents " Lottie was staring at him, amazed that there should exist a man so ignorant of the facts of life. "You poor'sap, they repealed prohibition ages ago." "They did?" Monty was stunned. " Nobody told me." " Sure. If you go to that phone and call Room Service, you can get all the champagne you want." For a moment Monty stood where he was, still dazed. Then he walked with a firm step to the telephone. " Room Service!" he said. THE END "THE CRY FROM THE ETHER" A Thrilling Story of Mystery and Romance by MARCHAND BOSZEAT, Author of "Death at the Dawning," etc., Will Commence Publication in SATURDAY'S SUPPLEMENT. Instalments will Appear Daily.