A SPLENDID DAY

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXII, Issue 22142, 22 June 1935, Page 1 (Supplement)

A SPLENDID DAY

BT ANON"

DELILAH'S SWAN SONG

I was against it from the beginning. " It s far too late to attempt that clay road," I said. " You don't seem to realise that it's the end of May." It's just because I do realise it that we must have this last trip," retorted Barbara. " It's absolutely the only chance to get stores before the licence expires." I saw the point of that; in fact, it was only necessary to glance at rav pass-book to do so; nevertheless I told Barbara that it would be cheaper in the end to pay cartage on the stores.

The morning of May 31 dawned clear and fine but with a bitter frost. Barbara, however, was undaunted. " What a blessing we moved the garage," she said. " Delilah does so hate frosts." Personally, I was not enthusiastic about the new position of the garage, although it certainly had the advantage of altitude. Many bitter years of horse and man-power had convinced Paddy and myself, not to mention the draughtmare Susan, that the only possible place from which to start any car driven by my wife was the top of a steep hill. A limited choice had resulted in putting the garage above a sharp rise at the bottom of which a right-angled turn was necessary to avoid the creek at the foot—and I have little confidence in Barbara's right-angled turns. " Just a couple of cranks to loosen the oil and then I'll start down the hill," said Barbara brightly. " Paddy, you go ahead and crank. You look frozen and it'll warm you nicely. We'll follow in two minutes."

I have always been glad that we were not longer than the specified two minutes, or we might have missed the extraordinary sight of Paddy, his red hair on end, bis coat tails flying and his eyes starting from his head with fright, being pursued with uncanny accuracy down the narrow road by a vindictive Delilah. It ended too soon, as all good things must; neither Paddy nor Delilah had time or wish to take the right-angled turn, and both jumped short, landing in the icy creek within a few feet of each other. I am glad to say that my wife had controlled her worst paroxysms bv the time the Irishman had shaken the water from his eyes and began to crawl slowly out. Paddy Retires

" Oh, dear, fancy my leaving her in gear like that. Never mind; you're neither of vou hurt and it's a nice clean stream. Why, Delilah's engine's still running, so perhaps it's all for the best." . . . After that there was naturally nothing for Paddy to do but retire to bed with incipient pneumonia. Nevertheless, we succeeded in actually getting upon the road —or rather upon the morass of mud and water which we call a road —scarcely more {han an hour later, owing to unparalleled efforts on the part of Susan and myself while Barbara continued to look on the bright side of things from the driver's seat. " Somehow, I feel like driving this morning," she said sweetly, " but perhaps you'd better ride Susan alongside, just to make sure. ' There weie many things of which I became sure during the ensuing halfhour. one being that only a very special Providence could explain the preservation of Barbara's life up to date. To be entirely honest, there were moments whep I wondered whether Providence could not have been better occupied. I did not so much mind the times when the car stuck and Susan and I pulled and pushed respectively, but we both definitely resented the recklessness with which Barbara put on speed going down a rise so that Delilah swung violently round in a devastating skid and thrust both Susan and myself over a steep bank.

As we floundered, angry and scratched but miraculously unhurt, in the deep fern below, my wife's voice floatsd down, " Oh, how reckless of you! Now, we might have had an accident if I hadn't such an iron nerve."

I echoed her words, but " iron " was not the adjective I used. When we emerged on the road again it was to find Delilah facing firmly homewards. Thankfully I took it as an omen. " Well, you can't turn on this road, so we'd much better leave it at that and go home." " What!" cried Barbara, all her proud spirit in revolt, " Give in to Delilah like that? She's been >n a bad mood ever since she chased poor Paddy this morning, and I'm not going to be beaten. I shall simply reverse down the hill. Besides, think how economical this is. To-morrow means a new licence. Fancy paying £2 19s just to humour a silly old car. It's a good thing one of us has a head for finance."

An Uneventful Trip The journey in was uneventful, for no one who knew my wife would consider a buckled mud-guard and a violent skid in loose metal worthy of more than the most casual mention. Certainly we rrfn out of benzine at the foot of the last hill, but, as Barbara said, it was excellent practice for her having to reverse up it, and if people chose to stare it just showed how little occupation towndwellers really had. Moreover, we glissaded down the other side with immense success, and the fact that our garage is situated at the foot cf the slope caused Delilah to draw up with a gentle dignity most gratifying to my wife. " Now. that's what 1 call judgment," she said complacently as she descended. Tt was a busy day and Barbara certainly made the most of her last trip to town, so that, when at last she was ready to leave, Delilah presented so bulging an appearance that it seemed impossible to wedge in two mere human beings. " Isn't it a splendid load?" she cried with shining eyes. " We're saving shillings and shillings in cartage and it doesn't matter about crowding, so long as there's room for the driver/' Presently she added casually, " Bv the way, I thought I'd drive and you can easily find room in the back." It was when we had left the garage irrevocably behind that the horn began to blow. Barbara was immensely pleased about it at first. " I only pressed it by accident," she exclaimed, " and it hasn't gone for months and months. Now, doesn't that just show you?" It did, likewise it showed us to the crowds that poured from the shops as if by magic at sound of that piercing note. The popularity of the Pied Piper simply wasn't in it, and at last even Barbara began to feel self-conscious.

" So Simple " Suddenly there was a violent swerve across the road, which 1 knew without looking meant that the humour of the situation had struck Barbara. " After all, who cares?" she said gaily. " The battery will run down anyway this winter/' and so, to the wild screech of that unearthly swan-song, we went our wav.

Of course we stuck hopelessly in the clay road. Suddenly, relentlessly, with a last spiteful shiver, Delilah sank up to her hips in the mud and even the horn was silent. It was a little after nine o'clock when I finished sledging in the last, load of stores, and as I tramped, weary and half-frozen, up the path, 1 could hear Barbara's voice at the telephone. ''Yes, we had a splendid day and brought home simply tons of stores. Oh, we enjoyed it awfully. When I think of the old days with horses and waggons. Everything's so simple and easy with a car."