"NO BUTTS"

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXI, Issue 21716, 3 February 1934, Page 19

"NO BUTTS"

BY BUTH WILKINSON*

" Have you my shopping list? " asked Mary as her husband climbed into the faithful old car and placed his foot hopefully on the self-starter. " Yes, my dear, I have," answered Dan, slapping his pocket. "Is my 'baccy on it? Being so self-effacing, I'm liable to forget—" The roar of the awakened engine drowned all further conversation and a minute later Dan had rattled over the grassy farm-track and swung out on to the metal road that zig-zagged over the hills and away®to the distant township. Before going back to the house Mary paused for a moment and gazed peacefully about her. Even after twelve years of quiet farm life she still gloried in the widen ess of the rolling green acres, +he contentedly grazing stock, the whisper of the wind as it rustled through the patch of native bush near the house, the freshness of the pure air. Her girlhood years had spent in hot, crowded cities and the soothing peace of the placid country never failed to thrill her with quiet happiness. A sigh of absolute bliss escaped her lips, and she was moving slowly along the garden path when a " gate-crash-ing " weed caught her eye. Remembering the family's strict policy never to pass a weed, she stooped to pull it out, End so spied another. Thus engrossed in following the scattered trail of weeds, she gradually worked her way around to the kitchen garden, where a sudden Ecufiling noise made her look up. Just in time she! saw a small ginger-coloured form jump through the fence, a chain jangling and rattling behind it as itfled. " "Drat that Solomon!" she exclaimed, dropping her apron full of •weeds and hurriedly picking up a handy broom, which she sent scuttering after the fleeing goat. She almost ran aloi>g ifche path to where her carefully-tended green peas were displaying thin but promising baby pods—many torn and broken tendrils marked the spot where she crime had occurred. "I told that John to tie ijim up," phe muttered as 6he made for the goat, {which, with beard waggling enthusiastically, hastily hauled in the last of ja long train of green pea plant. Mary Reached for the tethering chain, but the wily goat jumped nimbly just out of reach; again Mary bent to pick tip. the cV-iiii and again the goat leaped a. t ilisingly few feet away. Once more she tackled him and then, realising he was only playing with her, comforted herself by flinging a lump of wood -j-which missed—at him, and turning on her heel stalked defeated and bowed to the house —Solomon eyeing her the .while with a knowing look of triumph. Once inside she made for the kitchen, .where she stopped suddenly and exclaimed in dismay; the breakfast dishes she had left soaking in steaming hot water now lay congealed under a thin Jayer of cold fat. " Oh, well," she thought, shuddering in mock horror, " I suppose if I were a gardener I'd simply revel in washing dishes. The way of this perverse world —here goes! 7 " With that soliloquy she plunged into the day's chores and, with the house clean and garnished, was just pushing 1 the meat into the crackling Oven when a shadow darkened the bright sunlight in the doorway. "Drat that Solomon!" she exclaimed absently, snatching up the ,hearth brush as she turned to investigate; a loud knock made her drop it guiltily. •r" Good -morning^"--said the" stranger who stood on the verandah. "Is the boss in? " "Oh, good morning," returned Mary. " No. I'm sorry, he's in towu." " That's hard luck. I'm after some work. Is there a man here who aould give me anything to do? " - " No, they're all away "at the other end of the fann.'" " If it's not too much trouble, could you send a child or someone with a note —I'm rather keen to get a job." " Once again, I'm sorry. Xo one at all. The children hare taken their lunch and gone off to the beach," answered Mary thoughtlessly—who could think evil in this peaceful sunlit valley. " Well, I'm hungry. Get me something to eat! " the. man demanded, shedding his veneer of docility and polling roughly into the kitchen. '' But- —" began Mary angrily. " Xo ' hut's ' about it! Hurry up! " 100 late Mary realised her foolishness. But this was a new experience for her and the intruder's appearance had been so deceptive. He quite evidently had had some education, was well mannered — when he chose—while his collar, shoes and grey tweed suit, although travelstained, were neat enough. Mary was now secretly terrified, but pride came to her aid and, straightening herself, she made the most of her sixty-two inches. / "If you're hungry, I'll give you some food," she retorted with icy dignity. " That's right—obey the Biblical injunction." He chuckled, calmly seating himself at the table. " But hurry up," his voice changed ominously. " I'm hungry—Got any tobacco? " " No," snapped Mary with inward satisfaction. "By Joye! " the man exclaimed suddenly, jumping .up. " Come with me—l nearly forgot." Seizing Mary bv the arm, he forced her to go •pth him to the wood-pile; here he found the axe. Still leading Mary—it was- useless for her to resist —he made for the line of home-made telegraph poles just slim willow branches, which staggered drunkenly over the brdw of the back-country hill, until they handed over their trust to their more stalwart brethren of the highway; thence the magic wiro was borne with befitting dignity into the swirl of the / busy town. Filled with dismay, she watched him bring one of these humble posts to the ground, after he had cut and scattered the wires, they returned in heavy silence to the house. " Now, step on it—eggs and bacon, loads of it—one," he ordered, seating himself where he could watch her every move. Mary had. no other course but to obey, but as she flipped over the bacon in the sizzling pan, she longed vengefully for strength of a Samson. At last the mzln pushed his plate away, finished his third cup of coffee with gusto and contentedly tilted his chair on to two legs. " You're an excellent cook, madam," he remarked. " I'm sorry I can't accept your invitation to lunch, but look here ■ —l know you would just love to make mo up some sandwiches —Come on, now." inwardly boiling, Mary complied. "Don't forget the butter," instructed the man fatuously. " If it were strychnine, I wouldn't," snorted Mary, sawing viciously at the loaf. The intruder stuffed the parcel of food into his coat pocket and looked about him calculatingly. " TJm ! I wonder what else I can find to put in with these—Come and show me the way round." . " Once agaiij, a seething Mary had to submit to tlie - indignity of his hand on her arm. " .* "Huh! Not bad—tailored too. It'll do me nic-eiy"; I'll; take that," he remarked, holding Dan's brand new suit up appraisingly. " Now, what else—" His voice died away to nothing as he ransacked boxes and drawers. He pocketed some loose silver and Dan's gold Studs, hut found little else of marketable value.

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" Not much—pretty poverty-stricken aren't you. Farming's no good these days." " At least we're honest," shot back Mary tritely. " Just lack of opportunity to be otherwise, I conclude—Hullo! What's this? " whistling in amazed adnjiration, as he opened the small silver box he held in his hand. Mary's heart gave one leaping bound and then froze to ice. She opened her mouth to protest and then, realising argument was useless, closed it again. Her ring, he had found her beloved solitaire engagement ring. As in a dream, she heard Dan's dear voice whispering on that far-off happy evening. " Yes, I know it is extravagance, but it was so outstandingly better than all the others —well, you simply had to have it." And now callous hands would throw it carelessly to the melting pot. Mary prayed as she had never prayed before, but all to no avail; her beautiful ring disappeared into the depths of a voracious pocket. For the first time her courage failed her, and she slumped helplessly on the bed. " After all," she thought, in an effort to pull herself together. " Why should God answer my prayers—l never pray unless in dire need. WTien all is going well, I never stop to thank Him for our blessings." " This little lot will do." The man's casual voice broke across her mental agony. " I'll go out this way," he said, going toward the back door. " I saw some rather nice tomatoes out 1/lere. Now don't try to catch me. I'll be miles away before you can get help: there's a motor-bike hidden in the bushes." " Stolen, I suppose," snapped Mary venomously, with a flash of her former spirit. "Don't be so tactless," returned he in sham horror. " Come and we'll get those tomatoes." With Dan's new suit dangling forlornly over his arm, the thief stepped off the verandah, startling a small ginger figure which leaped convulsively in the iiir and then stood still, guiltily gulping a trail of tender green pea tendrils. " Drat that Solomon,** murmured Mary m echanically, as she accompanied the man down the path. Then the miracle happened. As they came up to him, Solomon, usually the most peaceable of overfed goats, lowered his head and without warning, curveted savagely at the uuwarv man, ramming him well amidships. The unexpected impact shot the man flying against a high clothes-prop, which promptly fell heavily and, tapping him neatly on the head, rendered him unconscious. The goat, thrilled with the success of his first blood, rushed in to continue the combat, but Mary grabbed his chain, and tethering him quickly* dragged the helpless man out of the firing line and into the shade of the house. Then she flew for the wash-house, seized a. length of rope and bound him up securely—mentally thanking providence for Boy Scout brothers. Her next move was to run through the pockets of the bow rapidly recovering man; and with the silver studs, and above all, her ring, clinking triumphantly in her hand, she stood afar off, surveying the recumbent form with complete satisfaction. "The biter-bitten, or perhaps the but-ter-butted." Mary could jjot resist a little jeer of victory. " You win, madam," replied he with a weak grin. "Now is your opportunity to deliver a lecturette on the steepness of the ' broad, wide road,' or perhaps draw attention to my weeping sisters and my poor, broken-hearted mother." "Xo! I'll let you tell me how you were a lone orphan, and never knew a mother's love. However, you may enjoy our doubtful hospitalitv for a while longer now." " \Y hat are you going to do with me?" A spark of hope gleamed in his eye. " I'm leaving you to my husband," announced Mary firmly. "Is he very big?" her prisoner queried with forced levity. " Oh, tremendously! He's the amateur heavy-weight champion boxer of Australasia," stated Mary mendaciously, as she marched inside. The morning dragged on. and Mary forced herself to carry on with the usual household routine, while, outside, the well-trussed man struggled desperately with his bonds. Shortly before lunch, and with very different feelings, both heard "he chug-chus of the car as it laboured, heavy-laden, up the last rise of the grassy hill. Steeling herself to saunter nonchalantly forth, il!ary greeted Dan with the same old question—always asked after any small separation. " Hallo, dear! Meet anyone you liked better than yourself?" " Xo; not until this very moment." He returned the usual formula, bending his tall figure to kiss her. " Come and look what I've found." Mary could restrain herself no longer. " What the dickens ?" Dan began in amazement. " You have to thank Solomon—and the clo;hes-prop for that." Dan listened with growing rage as Mary recounted the morning's adventure. Shaking with anger, he stirred the intruder with his foot. " If I could get away with it, Fd waste a bullet on you, but I'll let the police deal with you." " Why worry the police, Dan," began ! Marv. wtih the usual feminine horror of police courts. " I have a marvellous i idea," she continued excitedly. " Solomon is just aching for another round; let them both go together, and the first to the gate wins." "But he is sure to frighten some oth.-r lonely fann woman." " Not he. He came on a stolen motorbike and the police are sure to get him on that charge." " All right! Let's go." Mary stood ready to release the prancing goat, while Dan cut the prisoner's ropes. " Off with you," he growled, adding emphasis with an effective foot. " I didn't tell you I'm the English amateur mile sprinter, did I?" shouted the man triumphantly, as he athletically evaded the over-eager goat and fled hot-foot, over the paddocks. A minute later the rising crescendo of a harddriven motor-bike announced an impatient traveller departing. " Poor man," remarked Mary. " I'm sure be s only a victim of our presentdav, faulty 'economic conditions." ? 'Poor fiddlesticks!" sported Dan. "If Solomon hadn't been on the spot, you would have been minus one engagement ring, and I, one suit. By the way, I must tio up that prop—it's dangerous." " And I must reward Solomon," exclaimed Mary, going after the goat once again. This time, glowing with the virtue of a pure white conscience, the little animal graciously permitted himself to bo caught and led gently into the garden. " Here you are, St. George." said Mary, waving her hand indulgently over the young crop of green peas. "My heart's blood —do with them as you will." But instead of being overwhelmed with abject gratitude, Solomon turned a disdainful back on the luscious feast, and beptan to chew at a now dangling sheet which had been hung out to bleach. " Here, get out, you brute," gasped Mary reaching for a stone, while the wily goat, from long practice, hopped nimbly out of range. From a safe distance. Solomon stopped, and turning, looked wickedly at Mary, his beard waggling enthusiastically as he swallowed with triumphant enjoyment, the last of the corner of the new sheet. " Drab that Solomon," whispered Mary tensely, creeping forward in vain hopes for a telling shot. " I'll get him yet."