LOCAL GOSSIP

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXXI, Issue 21698, 13 January 1934, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP

'BY • MERCUTIO

So G. Bernard Shaw proposes to visit Mew Zealand. From one point of view, of course, he should have done it long ago. Here, he is, 77 years old, and not Been New Zealand yet. The thine is almost inexcusable. On the other hand, New Zealand may well perhaps tremble a little in anticipation. For Mr. Shaw customarily has something to say about every country he visits; and what Mr. Shaw says goes a long way. "What is more, he usually says what lie thinks, or, rather, what he thinks will be effective. He is not given to considering the feelings of people, or of countries so hyper-sensitive as young countries like Kew Zealand incline to be. So brace yourselves up and harden your skins, end prepare to take what the great man delivers! On the other hand, just as a preliminary exercise in humility, perhaps the statement that Mr. Shaw is about to visit New Zealand had better be examined again. Actually, all the evidence available is that Mr. and Mrs. Shaw are to embark on the Rangitane for the round trip. That is to t ay, while New -"Zealanders fondly imagine Mr. is about to \ isit New Zealand, Mr. Shaw himself may merely think he is about to take a sea voyage. The circumstances certainly are suspicious.

Meantime, it may be noted that, still in London, Mr. Bernard Shawhas been pronouncing upon the sort of English Englishmen speak. He cheerfully admits that there is no Englishman on the pronunciation committee of the British Broadcasting Corporation, he being chairman. The reason is that, while Irishmen, Scotsmen and Welshmen have some respect for the niceties of English, the pronunciation of the Englishman is "shocking and appalling." Thatf nn effect, is the pronouncement of Mr. Shaw. Which is all very well, but Tvhose language is it, anyhow?

The theory that the best English is F'ooben by irishmen, Scotsmen and/or Welshmen is not new. It has often been advanced before—by Irishmen, Scotsmen and/or Welshmen. And, of course, it is wholly and utterly wrong. The language these nations speak may be superior to English. But English is the language of the English, and if Irishmen, Scotsmen and Welshmen coeak it differently from the way the English do, What is the inference? Merely that they have not yet learned English thoroughly. Which may or may not be strictly and completely true; but one thing at least is true. No other nation under the sun would tolerate the patronage and the hectoring of other smaller peoples, of which Mr. Shaw's statement is typical, as the English do. Suppose, for example, a Basque or some similar person suggested that the French of Paris was horrible and that th<> Basques or the Tarascenese or folk like that were , the only speakers of good French, what would the result be? Murder; and a Paris jury would acquit at once. Bti'd not so the English. If an outraged Englishman ever did W'hot the Irish . would probably have done long ago, giver\ the same opportunity and provocation, and violently assaulted Mr. Shaw, he would be hurriedly found guilty by an ■English jury, thereafter being punished with all the rigour of the law. There are no people like the English, however they talk. Mr. Shaw ought to know it. He has lived and prospered among them long enough.

I Ifc has been noted, perhaps as part of the retrospective mood into which the passing of the year throws many of us, how/busy the griin Reaper has been in recent months among prominent men in Auckland. The business world has been especially hard hit. Men whose places are, and will be, hard to fill have been taken, in some instances with little or no warning. Starting just before the e,tid of 1932, and concluding within the past day or so, an impressive list can be compiled. Here it is, in chronological order: Mr. Charles Rhodes, Professor A. C. Paterson, Mr. H. 0. Nolan, Mr. John Court, Dr. W. H. Parkes, Rev. P. T. Williams, - Sir Alfred Bankart, Mr. A. B. Roberton and Mr. Robert Burns. It is, indeed, heavy toll to have been taken of leading citizens ✓ within, comparatively, quite a brief time. And contemplating it there are ; two reflections. One is the worthy part that those whose names appear played in the life and development of Auckland. The other is that meant to be inspired by the skeleton at the feast in classic times. It is obvious enough to need no driving home.

As the good ship Mataroa was at 6ea for New-Year, the chief steward thoughtfully provided a special dinner for the benefit of the Scottish passengers. A thoughtful act indeed, and as described, evidently carried out with a judicious eya* to detail. The account describes the improvised bagpipes, tho entry of tho chef bearing aloft a mighty haggis, tho procession of stewards carrying alternatively _ a smaller haggis and a bottle of whisky. All sounds Well, except for one thing. For the description proceeds: " Tho chief steward's enterprise was greatly appreciated, especially" —well, what? "Especially the whisky?" No, it didn't go on like that, but it should have.

To launch the Reserve Bank of NewZealand, a prominent official of the Bank of England is being lured to this country. He will bring all kinds of qualifications as a financier. If ho brings the sense of /humour recently revealed by a prominent financier, it should do New Zealand soma good. For Sir Josiah Stamp, a director of the Bank of Englancl, is reported as having told the following story: "Three professional men, a doctor," an engineer and a financier, were debating which of them belonged to the most honourable and ancient profession. The doctor, said: 'Mine is easily the oldest. In the beginning Eve was made out of a rib in Adam's side. Well, there's a surgical operation for you.' But the engineer Mid: 'Yes, but before that happened the whole world was made out of chaos in six days - . Now, there's an engineering feat for you.' 'Ah, but,' said the ' who made chaos?' "

Because a small gjrl in Wellington tried to send two threepenny pieces—thrtippeny bits if you prefer it that a y—to a relative in Australia, two government departments became very °' ls y and highly agitated, pointing out .? Pains and. penalties the law provided for such a crime. The whole story j? as been told in the news, so there is 0 need to repeat it here. But this oc cur to one. The threepences a « come from the Christmas pudding. Another time, if this girl wants to 11 8^ c h trophies away, she would bo Th P se( l to send the pudding too. w e ? post office would have its nv fr. „°^ e it to detect tho illegal ftf° coined silver. Finally, if all flnl eXCI^m ' n ' can k e aroused by the PP€aran.ce in an envelope of two specito h°J "nimhle," what is going —; f . 6 done about people going abroad * lth S°ld fillings in their teeth*