MARRIED BLISS

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXIX, Issue 21296, 24 September 1932, Page 2 (Supplement)

MARRIED BLISS

DUNMOW FLITCH WON "MUSIC, LOVE MILK;' '• '/• ( ■ i I STORY OF A BLACK EYE The first couple to win the flitch of bacon for matrimonial bliss at the annual " trials " at Dunmow, England, a few weeks ago, were a local milkman and his wife, Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Sams. The winners' story of hi mess was based upon music, love, and milk—especially milk! Milk swamped the court. Their counsel, Mr. E. S. T. Davis, had an easy task.

All the witnesses admitted that thoy drank Mr. Sams' milk and fed their babies upon it. The jury of maidens and bachelors had to bo specially warned by the judge—Col. Gibbons, a brewer—not to allow their judgment, to be biassed in favour of their morning milkman. " Have you any male customers ?" sternly asked Mr. Philip Guedalla, couqsel for the defence of the flitch, when Mr. Sams was in the box.

" None, sir," answered the milkman bashfully, but Mrs. Sams said that shewas not in the least jealous.

"When Mr. Sams is not on his round he harmonises with his wife, in the hearing

of all the neighbours-, by singing Gilbert and Sullivan duets with her.. "Who finishes first?" asked Mr. Guedalla. " More often than not it's a dead-heat," replied Mr. Sams, to hearty laughter. Mr. Guedalla kept a surprise up his sleev till half-way through the cross-ex-amination of Mrs. Sams.

" Have you, at any time within the last threo weeks, had a black eye?" he asked. Yes, sir, I have," she answered, and there was a sudden hush in court.

Mr. Guedalla: " To what do you say it due ?"

I got it from my sister-in-law's baby," answered Mrs. Sams. (Laughter.) Mr. Guedalla: "Is that pugilistic baby a product of Mr. Sams' milk?" Mrs. Sams: " Yes, sir." (Loud Laughter. ) The judge remarked in his summing-up that this seemed a. case of lactic excess. He had heard some ingenious explanations of a black «ye, but never had he heard it laid to the door of a sister-in-law's baby. (Laughter.)

From the first the defenders of the flitch had very little chance. Not even Mr. Guedalla's suggestion that Mr. Sams spent some of his time in the ".cribbage dens of Dunmow " could influence the jury, who gave a unanimous verdict for the applicants.

The judge: " I quite agree with your verdict." Later, Mr. and Mrs. Sams were chaired shoulder high round the ground before being allowed to carry off their flitch.