LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXIX, Issue 21136, 19 March 1932, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

BT JTERCUTIO. Tfc is chronicled that as a tramcar was assing the Remucra Post Office the other < j a y ) while the front wheels proceeded straight ahead toward the terminus the rear bogey turned down the Victoria Avenue line- It is unusual for the two of a car to bo at variance. The jnotorman and the conductor, representing the front and rear platforms, may havo a difference of opinion, but they are not o {ten able to go their separate ways, for instance, when, as happened recently, t car arrived at Customs Street with the front destination sign showing City via Town Hall, and the, rear one City cia Wellesley Street, it is going too far to assume that the two ends parted at Grafton Bridge and joined up again at the "Wellesley .Street corner. In a case ]jke that, if the motorman and tho conductor want, to go. different ways tho former carries all the guns. He is at t l, o controls. With regard to the little incident at Reniuera, it can be considered purely accidental. There was nothing B bout it to reflect on anyone. If a horse<)rawn vehicle hirns in of its own account .toward the bar entrant of a hotel, or comes to a stop before the door, St can be considered a give-away; but for a car to try to go down Victoria 'Avenue is creditable to all concerned, for Victoria Avenue is a nice neighbourhood.

Occasionally gleam of humour shines through the dull routine of business. A local insurance company wrote to one of i?s clients the other day informing him that as there had been 110 claim under his death from accident policy they had much pleasure in giving him a bonus, and the holder of the policy replied as follows:—"I am in receipt of yours of 9»h, and thank you for free renewal for one year. My delight in not having made a claim for five years much exceeds yours—in fact, if I ever have a claim under that policy I will never insure in your jolly old company again."

When the annual conference of masfpurs was being held in Auckland it was Stated that ntassage was no modem invention, but a very ancient art. Except, of course, that it was knowp in older days simply as nibbing, and had not been raised to the rank of a profession. That is very likely too. There's nothing new Hinder the sun. Old things are merely fcdapted. For instance, it was also stated that Julius Caesar -was pinched all over pvery day for neuralgia. Most people (would think- neuralgia alone was enough .without being pinched for it, but Caesar doubtless knew what he was about. But what would happen nowadays ? Pinched for neuralgia,? Not quite that. If Julius Caesar were alive to-day an adventurous blade like him would probably be pinched jfor exceeding the speed limit. Same thing in a different setting.

The paragraph published the other day en the anniversary of the sack of Kororareka by the Maoris inspired a correspondent to raise from the recesses of his memory an incident contingent on the war in the North. Here is the story as fco tells it.--" The Eev. Walter Lawry, noted in those early days for his love of fe good joke, -was surprised one day on returning to the mission house, near the Supreme Court, to see soldiers heaping iiis furniture on the lawn in order to make a bonfire. He said Hullo bovs, jwhat are you doing this for ? ' The reply came, ' We'll teach you to make riddles at our expense. You know what riddle you made about us.' ' Tell me it is, <1 do not remember that I aid,' was h'is reply. After some talk they jtoid him the riddle was, Why was their regiment like <1 bean ? '1 lie answer being, Becau.so they are scarlet runners. JAs the 58th Regiment wore scarlet coats and scarlet stripes down their trousers, ithey resented the implication. The reverend gentleman, though highly amused, ;was able to declare that the riddle did not originate with him, and the soldiers carried the furniture back and returned fa their barracks."

Now that the B.M.A. Conference is safely over, and the visiting members have returned home, it may be safe to make public a little four-line verse kindly sent along by a correspondent. It runs: The first Physicians by Debauch were made; . . _ Excess began and Sloth sustains the Trade By Work our long-liv'd Fathers earned their Food, . Toil strung their Nerves and purify a their Blood.

JThe words come with a familiar ring. They seem quite up to date in sentiment, if the phraseology is a bit old-fashioned. (Actually they are taken from a sampler, in the possession of Mercutio's correspondent, worked by a seven.-year-old girl, in the'year 1827. 'it is all very interesting and very appealing. First there is the sampler, over 100 years old. now reposing in Auckland, a city not dreamt of in a country as remote from the scene of these childish labours as any could be in the year when labouring young finders traced the letters in cross-stitch. 1 lien there is the solid truth that in nine cases cut of. ten the medical man is expected, by the magic of something out of a bottle, to repair the damage done to outraged * nature by ridiculous ways of living. Last, there is the belief, fondly cherished, that things were ever so much better in the 'days of our fathers. It might have been produced in 1932 instead of 1827. It will be just gs appropriate in 1972 when jve, [be poor stumbling creatures of to-day, will be the " fathers " distinguished for all the rugged virtues. Queer, jsn't it?

When tho rnrdical conference was actually in progress it was noted, not without some malicious satisfaction, that the menu of the annual dinner scarcely complied with the principles of simplicity in diet and avoidance of rich viands that Bfe so often preached to erring patients. ftVsll, why not? "Don't do as I do, do as I tell you " is not altogether unknown 83 a supplementary principle. But the Subject recalls another annual dinner in connection with another body of professional men. A dental conference was held in Auckland some years ago. 'lhe Presidential address, delivered by a rejected Auckland-practitioner, was devoted .*o emphasising the need for natural foods *7yiu knew, the good hard stuff that is Wkely to break your teeth and send you post haste to the dentist. Tho saving grace is thai if the teeth survive they must be good. The address was very well received, indeed.it seemed to impress the conference very much. Tho sequel proved it. For when the president, after his impressive address, arrived to preside ®-t the annual dinner—held an Auckland hotel with a reputation for its table "—■ho found in his place a plate set out *hh a bunch of raw carrots, ditto turni P s > an onion and a hunch of wholemeal bread. In short, the kind of food our rugged forefathers —dentally perfect According to legend—.fed to the beasts of the field but never dreamed of eating themselves. History does not record that j> 6 confined his attention to this food he lad so highly recommended; but at least was given the chance to practise what J l ® preached.