The Critic.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXVII, Issue 20626, 26 July 1930, Page 4 (Supplement)

The Critic.

The best story s«nt In this month was " Humdrum Chores," by Dorothy Bramisy, 31, Station Road, Avondale, who will receive a cash prlza of half-a-guinea.

" Golden Eagle.''—You havo chosen

rather sin unusual theme in " 'ITio Melody Magnificent," and while not quito up to publication standard, the story shows promise. It also shows the writer to ho the possessor of a highly idealistic and sensitive mind. Thero aro cortain crudities of expression and over-exaggeration, however, that you must guard against. Here aro some of them: " His priest-like faco was wreathed in smiles. . . his delicato and tapering fingers fluttered along the keyboard in a blaze of notes." " The famous song is not of my own composition." The simply-spoken words cut the audienco like a knife's piercing blade. Gasps! Astonishment!! Even the experienced reporters wore dumbfounded!" It would take a lot more than that to dumbfound a reporter! Irene T.—" The Pet Tig" is very fecblo in plot, although quite well handled. Rut I don't believe any New Zealand boy of Jack's ago would fall into an hysteria of fright, or as you put it, "stand like a frozen image, with a face as whito as snow," because his mother stood by the stable in a whito dress at dusk! And by tho way, you really should know better than to spoil Maori " Moari" right through your story, Irene!

" Whakatu." —The essay is well done, and betokens the truo jov of tho open road. You must bo careful to express your meaning in tho fewest and simplest words possible. Here is ono sentenco: " Oh, the joy of tho climb up a hillside on a 'track that winds round and round as wo journey upward and onward, and when we reach tho top and stop to gaze on tho view around, wo feel a thankfulness for tho beauty that welcomes us." That makes mo feel just a littlo bit dizzy. Now, supposing you had framed it something liko this: " Oh, tho joy of tho climb up a winding hillside track, and at the top tho unfolding of a. view that uplifts our hearts in an impulse of praiso and thanksgiving." " Clematis."—A nicoly-written account of a picnic on tho shores of Lake Okataina. Nothing much to critieiso, save that you must bo careful with your spoiling, as in " paradico" for " paradise," and do not use such expressions as '' most pretty" ferns. A.L. —I am sure " your face" is not nearly so bad as you and your brother havo painted it! In any caso, it is not wiso to attempt to write in that overexaggerated manner. That kind of thing requiros the very lightest and deftest touch, or it becomes merely boring. What interest or sense is there, for instance, in tho following passago. "As for my great, round, saucery eyes, thoy, it appears, are glass ones, also painted for tho occasion, and as they aro of cutglass, shaped into hideous peaks, it is necessary before going to bod to remove them for fear of their tearing my eyolids." That is merely very unpleasant. I know you can do far better work than that! Please give non-de-plimio next time, unless you wish your full namo to appear.

" Tiki. I ' —A good little story, and wiil try to find spaco for it Inter. Not much to criticise, but be careful with const) .10tion of your sentences; tiioy are inclined to be too staccato, jerky. You will never aclnevo a graceful, rounded style that way, although, of course, the crisp, terse touch is very effective in the proper place. Leavo the inevitable cheerful Happer-with-the-plaits and the " everlasting grin" out of your next story. It is a good idea to dust up one's stork characters every now and again, and introduce a few now ones!

" Gilbert."—The opening of " A Surprise Packet" is awkward, a few linns of conversation, then a long paragraph of introduction sandwiched in between a question and its answer. Do not introduce the personal note into a story written throughout in the third person as, " The following afternoon, we find Bon in his room," etc. With a few alterations, the story will be good enough to print, but novur again, please, use such a vulgarity as " perfectly putrid." Schoolboys, no doubt, use the expression freely, but it is ugly and stupid, and in writing, an olfence against good tasto. Dorothy Bramley, Chores" was tho best story sent in. There were minor defects in it, however. Don't, mix your tenses. " Day in, day out, they have to bo dono, thoso chores, how commonplace everything was, when others were out in the world doing things. Jack will be Hying, sailing through spucti. Well, I mean to fly," and so on. If that is meant to represent Pat's train ol thought, it should he worded much more coherently. You are also inclined to be careless with spelling and punctuation. There is no such word as " langhtening'* and such errors as " magizinc," " nttin," for " mum," '"pouring" for " poring," " drowning" for " droning," " immulato" for " omulato," should have been corrected.

Phyllis CThunn, —" Old Robin and Fayetto" quite well written, but far too mournful. Always remember, Phyllis, that tho world wants to laugh rather than to crv, and that it is moved to tears far more readily by the dett, swift touch that holds poignant human interest, than by tho deliberately sad and tragic story.

" The Critic" is for members of the llf.ualo Senior Circles, sixteen to eighteen only. One story or essay may bo Kent in for criticism each month by members. Stamped, addressed envelope must be enclosed if story is to be returned. Norn-de-plumes should be used for criticism, unless you wish your name to appear. A prizo of half a-guinea will be awarded each month for tho best story submitted, length from 700 to 1000 words. All envelopes to be marked " The Critic."