SHYNESS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXVI, Issue 20306, 13 July 1929, Page 6 (Supplement)

SHYNESS.

A COMPLAINT OR A COMPLEX?

by K.vntnr.NE cauu.

Shyness is 0110 of those peculiar complaints • which affect young and old, rich and poor alike. In tho very young it is charming; in tho older folk it is an embarrassment and often a distinct handi cap in the race for life. Shyness comes upon us when we first become conscious of our own identity, when proud relatives and gushing friends discuss our looks with brutal frankness and accuse us of having> grandma's r.oso and somebody else's mouth and the same absurd smile us daddy. Why is it so important that as soon as a new child is born into the World peoplo should fight liko wild cats to establish its resemblance to some impossibly plain adult relative and then punish tho defenceless babo for this im agined likeness by calling it after the person it is supposed to resemble? Just think of all tho unfortunato Aggies and Maggies and Lizzies and Rebeccas so imposed upon. Do you wonder that they aro shy, that they sign their names with initals and grasp eagerly at any rather chic nick-namo that is ever invented for them ? Yes, the shyness that no often afflicts children is duo in the first place to tho self-conscious embarrassment that sweeps over them when fond, unthinking parents discuss them—looks, intelligence, precocity and everything else about them—within thoir hearing and whether they like it or not. Yet, strangely enough it is again this discussion of young folk in their own bearing that so oi'len destroys all the sweet natural shyness of a child. lie gets used to hearing his mother repeat the remarkably smart things he has said, ho. suddenly realises that ho is an abnormally clever and original child and immediately decides to " show off " at every opportunity. Shyness is sometimes the result of overhearing some careless remark concorning one's personal appearance and in ouo caso I know of a charming girl's happiness blighted for years by overhearing a foolish woman remark on her " plainess" as a child. Some parents believe in " taking tho conceit out of thoir children " as a matter of principal but it is doubtful whether this policy is ;i wise one. There aro other ways of teaching modesty and humility (if these are considered desirable qualities) than by miking children believe they are physically unattractive. Is it not better to teach them to value beauty, physical and spiritual, and to strive after the attainment of both? To bo plain and to know it will mako a child shy and will seriously shake his self-confidence. Poverty and the sense of inferiority that this creates will give rise to another form of shyness, and this perhaps is of all kinds the most pathetic. It is so hard to break down. It is difficult to win tho friendship and the confidence of the person with an inferiority complex without being suspected of patronage. The sense of inferiority gives rise to over-sensitiveness and a shyness that is often painful. Yet the, people thus afflicted are often people of beautiful character and friends to bo Mierished. Liko shv birds tliev can bo captured only after a patient and gentle pursuit; they require kindly and sympathetic handling. but once captured and bound with bonds of affection and understanding they radialo a warmth of loyalty and love that makes the pursuit well worth while and the prizo worth the capture.