THE QUARREL HABIT.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXV, Issue 19940, 8 May 1928, Page 5

THE QUARREL HABIT.

Most of us who are honest with ourselves will admit that we have the elements of quarrel in us, states a writer in an exchange.

John, annoyed by his office routine, comes home with dagger-like looks, by which he would mutilate his perky..little Peggy. The result is that these lowering clouds burst into a domestic thunderstorm and perky little Peggy is reduced to tears. John i? a brute! Just such little beginnings become "the rift within tae lute," which may extend deeper and deeper till the harmony of the home is dissipated. As children most of us have shown our claws to brothers and sisters and to little friends. Scratching, biting and hair-pull-ing are not uncommon forms of amusement. Usually the result of jealousy or anger, "I want it," or "It is mine," is the battle-cry. ■ It is a psychological fact that tna tinconscious mind of the individual is ev.r pleasure-seeking. Its gratification is got by its desire to have its own way under ail circumstances. The outburst of the quarrel is the manifestation that the unconscious mind of that individual is thoroughly enjoying itself. In fact, the quarrel might be termed an emotional spree! But why should John come home and disturb Peggy and the domestic peace ? It is probable that he has been dictated to or criticised by some senior, who really stands for authority. John resents it. Unconsciously, he is reminded of the time when he was very young and parent or nurse, representing authority, hauled him over the coals. He feels inferior. He feels small and weak. Authority is big. But his temper has to be checked in the presence of authority. And sp it is stored up once more, until finally his anger will out. Peggy becomes the recipient because she is his property and he may assert his authority. He has an emotional spree and feels superior! Children's quarrels should always be allowed to work themselves out. Quarrelling shows that there is a leakage of nervous energy which can be directed to some useful purpose. Therefore, many definite interests should be cultivated. The bone of contention should be discussed quietly and reasonably. Some mutual arbitration work may effect a compromise. If the hatchet cannot be buried a definite outcome ought to be aimed at. r Remember that self-control is the first aid to diminish the quarrel habit.