LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXIII, Issue 19502, 4 December 1926, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

BY MERCUTIO.

With summer coming round onco more—it is, though the statement may be hard <o believe —it is natural that the annual warning about mosquitoes should go forth. People don't need to be warned when {he little creatures are abroad. Each carries his own warning siren which, properly amplified, might pass as a perfectly good wireless morse note. But what ought to bo thoroughly realised it that by the time the buzz is heard warning is too late. Mosquitoes should be prevented from breeding, not buzzing. In fact if they were compelled to carry silencers, thoy would be more deadly than before. Speaking of deadlincss, is it generally realised that for the most part the race is . a living proof of the simple Kipling statement, " Tiie female of the species is more doadly than the male ?" The female mosquito is the blood 6ucker in chief. The misogynist may retort that the mosquito has not this on its own. In fact, there is a vague general impression that Kipling had not mosquitoes in his mind when ho wrote. Still, it is not necessary to bo too dogmatic on that point is it? Safety first, you know.' Anyway some years ago the Government entomologist, Mr. David Miller, published a paper giving details of some very valuable research work ho had done among the mosquitoes. In it he announced, with perhaps pardonable elation, that ha had found a branch, clan, species or subSDecies in which the male was as bad a bite as the female. He did not say anything about evil communications having corrupted good manners. Ho just announced the fact, quite jubilantly. Scientifically considered, his elation can well be understood. From all other aspects, it was a very sorry thing to be joyous about. Acting originally on the suggestion of the Governor-General, the Rotary Club has gone a long way toward the foundation of a Sunshine League. Seeing wo have just emerged from almost, but not quite, the wettest November ever, His Excellency's idea.seems to have been unusually well timed. A Wellington man, going for a swim in the public baths, handed over his cash to the caretaker, so that the caretaker might take care of it He then had his dip, rejoicing to think that his possessions .were safe. Returning to his clothes, he found somebody had taken his studs. It certainly sounds like the absolute limit. Still, according to the popular criterion, freely used in the vernacular, it was not, for apparently his socks were left by the sneak-thief. After his trip to the other side of the word, Mr. Wtlford returns with proof that he is entitled to style himself, "Father of the House of Representatives." He did not go to have his claim confirmed Obtaining of the ruling was an incidental part of his trip. He went in search of health, and it is pleasing to know that he brought.it back too. But a3 he can | now say, on the authority of the Speaker of the House of Commons, that in New Zealand he is " Father of the House," nobody will be likely to contest his claim. Only one question can be asked Is he proud of his children ? . The bright suggestion that ail people, on reaching the age of forty, should bo medically examined has not been wholeheartedly endorsed by Auckland raedical men to whoiti it was referred. la fact, it -has met with so little support that from pure pity Mercutio would like to give the idea, with amendments, a lift along. The chiei amendment is that the age of ninety should be substituted for forty. It is probably the age stipulated that has, set the doctors against the scheme Long ago it was said that at' forty a man was either a fool or a physician, which leaves out of account the possibility ol hi? being both. Ifihe is & prtysictan he should not need C? be ( examined hp ought to be able to look a/to? his own health In the ether alternative the regular practitioners will hot want to be bothered with him. They find plenty of these who hs"o actually something wrong with them, withou' oxaming horde- of others in the mere hope of finding something afflicting their silly bodies. This disposes of the man. What of the ladies ? As they never are forty, they hardly comp into the argument. It is entirely a case of a-gumontum ad hemiiiem. >," , • Speakers at the All Saint's jubilee .reunion were far from convinced, judging by theii utterances, that things to-day compare favourably with the conditions many years ago when first they became parishioners. Though the tendency to assert that everything possible is wrong' with the world, that the days which have gone by were better far than the to-days and to-morrows, is rather too prevalent, indulgence must be granted the veterans on such an occasion. One of them contrasted the demands which must be met before a young married couple can settle down nowadays with the makeshifts with which he was contented when he took the plunge away back in the dim past. .At least—'just a moment. He did not say he was content with them, hut that he put up with them. But that is by the way. The essential difference after - all is this. In the past it was necessary to settle up before sett ling down. Nowadays all that is changed. First settle down—on the instalment plan. Then settle tip one a month for years following. That is. the ideal of the times. The delicate question, which is the better, can be left open for debate. A few remarks were made in this column recently about the deplorable lack of seismographs in a country where there are often earthquakes that nobody knows anything about unless the wavy lines, reminiscent of an attempt to sign your name while traversing some of the lesser known roads of the North in a motor-car, reveal that a seismograph has been agitated. It was all meant in good part, but it has aroused one signing himself "Philistine" to protest He writes:—" But what is the use of seismology anyhow, except that it entails expenditure? It cannot foretell or prevent. It merely records, and the average man can realise that his chimney is in ruins ' without the assistance of salaried and spectacled savants." Of course he can. Yet, suppose, in the ab sence of a seismographic record, he de cided it was; not an earthquake, but his bricklayer, and forthwith went to look for that functionary with an axe in one hand, half of one of his broken bricks in the other! What a terrible thing that would be. Why whole districts might toon be full of flying bricklayers, flying bricks and whirling axes. It is hard enough to find a bricklayer now when you want one; think what it would be if half the specjes had been chased beyond" the horizon by householders, blaming them for what was the result of a tremor in the earth's crust If they would prevent that, dozens of seismographs would be cheap at the price Beside, does Philis tine realise it was Government experidi ture that was being advocated ? Surely even in Philistia, they realise the blessing of getting something supplied free by the Government, nrver to be paid for except by an extra penny on the income tax for the next 10, years'' If not, the Philistines must be behind the times. But, of course, they never could endure politics. They were not hnrdv eT> r niE;h, for remember how finny of them were killed by the iaw- < bono of an ass.