EYEEYTHING COMES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LX, Issue 18494, 3 September 1923, Page 11

EYEEYTHING COMES.

BY WILLIAM CAINE. . * A great night wind blow upon Paris, I and the double doors of "our bedroom . rattled. This kept my wife from sleeping, j "No matter," said I, "tomorrow I will get i some of those little wooden wedges with which we always forget to furnish ourselves- before setting out on our travels." Next morning (having looked tip "wedges" in my dictionary) I went in search of wedges. I entered an ironmongers. "I am searching," I explained, "some little j wedges in wood, for fixing my double doors when there is a wind." The ironmonger looked at m© dully. "Little wedges in wood," he repeated,' "for fixing the double doors of Monsieur when there is wind." "Precisely," I said. "You havi3 machines of the sort He looked at me more dully. "No," hi) said, "that does not sell itself here." "Where then?" I enquired, "is it thai) that sells itself?" ... He" looked, at me so dull? that tho brilliant 6unhine of the morning was ear" iously diminished in strength. . "I do not know," he replied. ' } T I wished him a cold good-day and passed on. A moment later I perceived a carpenter in his? shop, sawing wood. "Ah!" said I to myself, "here I shall obtain wedges." I entered the shop of tho carpenter. "Monsieur," I observed, "I search little wedges in wood .to fix my double doors when there is a„wind.' Doubtless you can 1 sell me a few."' ■ "' !

He looked at me with the' eyes of a particularly slow-witted bullock. "No," he said.- '. : "':.: v ' - ':'■"■' j -' v '~ v ; ; """ .■■;■-•■■•

"Then," I persisted, "yon can make mo a few." . !& ; J.':; ; ,•:.;•: ...'.".. s

He turned his shoulder to me and got on with his sawing. I : wished him a rude good-day, and, proceeded with my promenade.

I saw a little shop , which seemed to be; full of large corks. I reflected that , corks and wedges have'-, a good deal in common. ■, I entered ; this cork shop, and said what you know. It was received with ; intelligence. Wedges, it r appeared, did not sell themselves here, but I would do well to enquire at the establishment of this Merchant of Colours, a little further down the street. .':;'::■;.::

; i I did not quite see why a Merchant of Colours should carry a side line in wedges but I was getting tamed by adversity and I did as I was bid.

:«>■; Tha Merchant of Colours was an Italian. ; Warehouseman. He had no wedges. He too, was intelligent and benevolent : withal. He recommended me to a carpenter whom I could find in a little passage .; qff : the Place de la Madeleine. There, he, assured me, I should obtain wedges to fix all the double doors in Paris. I sought out this ; carpenter and told him my tale. He . proved intelligent beyond belief. He .'i had j ; : no reach-me-down wedges to offer, but he was willing to make me wedges to any number and of any size that I i might fancy. He produced a pencil and drew pictures of many variously shaped wedges in admirable perspective upon a plank. My heart warmed Jto this good man. I engaged ; him , for the manufacture of six wedges, three so large and three so large. He promised that they should be ready for me cm the morrow by five o'clock in the afternoon without fail. I left him much lightened in spirit and went back to vmy hotel to report to my wife. "■■■':-*':;'""■.:jri.--/ : :''-~' ' -'

That night it again blew; and?again my wife was Kept . from' sleeping. 7 "No matter," said I comfortably, "this afternoon at five o'clock we shall have our wedges." 1 ■ At o'clock I returned to my carpenter. "My wedges I enquired v'You have them ?"

He struck his forehead and I perceived that the matter had escaped his miserable memory. It had. With tears in his eyes he assured me that; I 'should have my wedges on the morrow by a quarter to' twelve if I would pass at that hour. That night we had a hurricane and my wife slept not at all. The poor thing was wearing out with insomnia. At a quarter to twelve next day we were in a district of Paris remote from the Place de' la Madeleine but at thirteen minutes past three I presented myself at the, shop of my carpenter. ..,£ ; "My wedges?" I said, putting my head in.- ' '• '"■"' ■■■■""" '."'• '■■■''■'"■■a- '....'■'■ . i

He looked at me with the eyes of ah exceptionally idiotic imbecile. "They are not made," he said. '.?'' '■ I rushed screaming up . the little passage and emerged upon the Place de la Madeleine. Here I was obliged (by reason of the presence of a■? policeman) to behave myself. '-,'■ . "•.- "V" !;'•'"• I fell into a chair outside a cafe and called for brandy, gin and whisky in equal portions. "Monsieur has .received some bad news?" the waiter enquired. i I was inspired to take this sympathetic youth into my confidence. "You :■ see," said I, "I search etcetera, etcetera,— and, I; told him everything. ~ • He said: "I will .get, Monsieur a few morsels of firewood from ', the cellar. These, with his 'penknife. Monsieur will be able to fashion into numerous wedges which by superimposing the one upon the other Monsieur will be able—"; 1 I sprang up and embraced him on both cheeks. ; I gave him all the money I had an me, to wit, one franc, fifty centimes, which 'is equal to fourpence halfpenny at the present;rate of exchange. ""■'.. w That night my wife slept, though it again blew great guns, for I wedged our double. doors so tightly that nothing but a charge of T.N.TV would have caused them to move. , ?■.; - : -v. ; ..-.:.-. ■,;.. , \