SHORT STORIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LVII, Issue 17471, 15 May 1920, Page 2 (Supplement)

SHORT STORIES.

,■ "■•' -■ A SELF-STARTER. ' S,; ; ' j '■■ >' Merchant \; (interviewing % applicant ■ for position, of traveller) ;'i ? * Do you really J feel you could 'sell my goods?" \ ■':>. 'y; * .: Applicant: "Sure. Anything • from a Rolls-Royce to ■ a pea-shooter. For : instance, that* car of yours outside—" '$■ ■ Merchant: " Yea,, yes?" ?'; ' ;,,'. Applicant: "\ Well, I sold that to a guy ■who was passing." /.. : ' : ;. •' " ; 5 '"u WHICH EXPLAINED IT. A. Scottish tradesman stepped •. into a barber's shop the other day. and, whilst he was being shaved the barber was wondering if this was a new customer. "Have you ever been here for a Bhave before!" asked the barber. "Yes, once," was the reply. "But I do not remember your face sir." "Weel, I daro say ye don't," said the customer, "ye see, its healed up noo." A SUBTLE REASON. The old man tinned from his desk as his son-in-law entered the office. "Well, what is it now?" he asked. "I—have been thinking," answered the new member of the family, "that you ought to give me a pension." "A pension 1" exclaimed the old man. '"What in the thunder do you mean, sir!" "Well, it's like this,'.' explained the other. "Ever since I did your daughter the honour to marry her I have been dependent on you for support—and I want to be independent. See!" DISCIPLINE'S POWER. Orders are strictly obeyed in " The Navee," as most of us know, but tne results are sometimes disconcerting to the civilian mind, as a young lady once discovered, much to her astonishment. Tho officers of H.M.S. — were entertaining their friends with a grand lunch, and in attendance were some typical British tars.

The young lady, wanting a piece of bread, looked belrnd her chair at one of the sailors in waiting, and asked him to bring her what she wanted. But lie drew himself up stiff and stern, and, to her amazement, replied : "Can't do it, miss; I'm told off for taturs!" A TRAVELLER'S STORY. " Well," said the red-faced man, " the most exciting chase I ever had, happened a few years ago in Russia. "One night, when sleighing. I discovered, to my intense horror, that I was being followed by a pack of wolves. I fired blindly into the pack, killed one of the brutes, and, to my delight, saw the others stop to devour it. After this, however, they still came on. I kept on repeating the dose, with the same result, and each occasion gave me an opportunity to whip up my horses. " Finally, there wag only one wolf left. Yet on it came with its fierce eyes glaring in anticipation of a good hot supper." " Why, man," said one of the listeners, " by your way of reckoning, that last wolf must have had the other twelve inside it!" "Ah!" said the red-faced man, ' now, I remember, it did wobble a bit THE HUMOROUS JAP. He.-e is an instance of Japanese "humour."' Said an innkeeper's wife to her husband— * "The guest who came this evening carries a package that seems to contain things of great value. I wish he would leave it behind." "I havo'a good idea," said tho husband. "I will give him a great deal of 'myoga.' " 'The inkceper carried out his plan and gave 'mypga,' a spicy vegetable supposed to produce forgctfulness, in abundance to the guest, with soup and with vegetables, and soon after the guest had departed he hopefully inspected the room. There was no trace of the coveted baggage. The landlady began to scoff at the lnefficacy of 'myoga' as an oblivion producer, but her husband admonished her not to lose faiih so easily. "The 'myoga' has had its effect," he declared. "What do you mean?" demanded the woman. "Why, he forgot to pay his bill," replied the husband. QUITE TRUE. There is a certain professor of natural history who delights in propounding catch questions to his class, and one young fellow, who had been caught by one, determined to get even. Air the next class, therefore, he said gravely: "Professor, you Have made a special study of snakes, have you not " "Yes, I think I am fairly well informed as to that branch," the professor responded. "Then, professor, you can undoubtedly inform me on a point which, while doubtless simple, puzzles me. .May I ask you a question!" The professor bogan to feel uneasy, but there was nothing to reply but "yes." "Then, sir, what I desire to know is, where does a snake's tail begin?" the young fellow asked gravely. The professor was si'eiit for a moment and a titter began to run over the room, which increased to a roar as the professor repl'ed calmly : "That is quite simple; it begins at the end of the snake which is not the head."