CHRISTMAS CONUNDRUMS

New Zealand Herald, Volume LVI, Issue 17348, 20 December 1919, Page 4 (Supplement)

CHRISTMAS CONUNDRUMS

What can kick -without feet? gnn. Why does puss purr?— For an obvious pur-puss.

What .is most lite a cat's tail?—A kitten's tail.

Why is justice like a shad? Because she carries scales.

When is a door more than a door?— When it is to (two).

With what animals do we always go to bed?— With two calves. i; Why is a bootblack like; the sun? —Because he shines for all. Why is enow like an oak tree?— Because it leaves in the spring.

Why is a dandy like a venison steak?— Because he is a bit of a buck.

What soup do cannibals prefer? broth of a boy.

Why is an old coat like iron?— Because it's a specimen of hardware.

What is it gives a cold, cures a cold, and pays the doctor's bill?—A draft. What is that which never asks questions, yet requires many answers?— doorknocker.

Why is a specimen of handwriting like a dead pig?— Because it is . done with the pen.

Why cannot the proprietor of a forest fell his own timber?— Because no one is allowed to cut his own deal.

Why is a very demure young lady like a steamboat?— she pays no attention to the swells that follow her.

What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison? can't see to go, and the other can't go to sea. What animal has death no effect on? A pi" because directly you have killed him yon can cure him and save his bacon. Why are monsters of the deep better posted than th© cable operators?— Because they nose the news before it reaches either side.

Why are washerwomen the most inconsistent persons?— Because they put out tubs to catch soft water when it rains hard.

Why do teetotallers run such a slight risk of drowning?— they are so accustomed to keep their noses above water.

Why are sheep the most dissipated and unfortunate of animals?— Because they gambol m their youth, frequent the turf and are always fleeced. ' In what respect do modern customs differ materially from the ancient ones?— this: Formerly there were hewers of wood and drawers of water now wehavo drawers of wood and ewers of water.

What motive led to the laying down of railways?— The loco-motive.

Why is a poor singer like, a counterfeit ? —Me is an utterer of bad notes. Why is a kiss spelled with two s's »— Because it takes two to complete the spelL

When is your mother's dress like a chair?— it's sat-in.

What is the difference between a king's eldest son and the water in a fountain *— One is heir to the throne, and the other is thrown to the air.

What is that which has & beard without a chin, and most be taken ont of bed to be tacked in ?—An oyster.

is * bonnet not a bonne*?— When it becomes a lady.

When is a girl not a girl?— When she turns into a milliner's shop.

Can yon ask after a person's health in four letters U CD?

Why were Adam and Eve a grammatical anomaly Because they were two relatives without an antecedent.

When is a silver cup most likely to run ?—When it's chased.

When are streets of a town most greasy?— When the rain is dripping. Why is a fretful man like a hard-baked loaf —Because he is crusty.

;_ Why is avarice like a bad memory?— Because it is always forgetting. Why are men like gooseberries Because women make fools of them.

What is that which has only a nose left when its i is put out ?—Noise. •

Why are lawyers like shears ?—Because Oiey cut only what comes between them.

Behead a tradesman 3,nd you make a basket of his remains. What is he? A H-osier.

Why is a lady too anxious to be married like a sheep under the butcher's knife ?—Because both are dying to change their names.

What trees flourish best upon th<=> hearth ?—Ashes.

Who had the greatest appetite that was ever heard of?— man who bolted a door, threw up a window, and then sat down and swallowed a whole story. When is a dog like the letter 0— When it looks round.

. " What sort of wind pleases a hungry sailor?" " A wind that blows, fowl ana chops about."

At what time of life may a man be said to belong to the vegetable kingdom r Answer: "When long experience has made him a sage.'*

"What tree hurts the Hebrews?" "Tks 'Jew-nipper* (Juniper)."

'* Why is a dog dressed warmer in summer than in winter?" "In winter he is dressed in a fur coat and in summer he has on a fur coat and pants."

"How can yon make a pumpkin talk?" " Out the inside out and make it holler (hollow)."

Why was Lord Nelson like a coward?-. Because the last thing Nelson did was to die for his country, and that's about tin last thing a coward will do.

Why is an army like a newspaper? Because it has leaders, columns, and review.*.

Why is a lady's glove-box like a, cave In the "wood?— Because it is a place for hermite.

What chasm often separates friends?-. Sarcasm.

Why is a. lamplighter like a cowardly —Because he hurries away from his post.

Why is it impossible for a man to boil his father thoroughly?— Because he can only be par-boiled.

Why is a short man trying to kiss a tall girl like an Irishman going wo Vesuvim? —Because he's trying to get at the month of the cratur.

When is a trunk like two letters of tho alphabet?— When it's M T (empty).

What is the difference between homicide and pig-sticking?-—One is assault with intent to kill, the other a kill with intent to salt.

What word is it of only three syllables that combines' in it twenty-six letters?— Alphabet. .- .- What letter in the Dutch alphabet wiE name a iady of title?— Dutch S.

Why is the Isthmus of Suez like tha first n in cucumber?— it's between too seas»

What is tie difference between one who walks and one who looks upstairs?— steps upstairs, and the other stares up steps. r

Why is lore like a duck's foot?— cause it often lies hidden in -the breast

Why is a hungry man willing to be a martyr?— Because he is ready to go to the steak. / Why are good resolutions like fainting ladies .'—.Because they should be properly earned out.

How can you by a mere change of punctuation turn mirth into a crime?— making man's laughter manslaughter. If all the seas were dried up, wha* would Neptune say?— really haven't ad ocean (a notion).

What kind of a book might a man wisH his wife to resemble?— almanac, for then he could have a new one every year. _ When is a bonnet not a bonnet ?—Whsfl it becomes a pretty woman.

*,?°s^ ! "Do you knew what part of the day Adam was bom, daddy?" Daddy: "No, I can't say I do." Bobby: "Just before Eve!"

HINDU MAQIC SQUARE.

Here is a description of a Hindu magic square, -which was found on the underside of a fallen lintel, in the shrine known as the Chota Surang.

Mathematically it is interesting asji possessing Ithe following properties (1) the sum of each row, of each column, and 1 jf each diagonal is 34; (2) the sum of® all the numbers in each sub-square of four numbers, wherever it may be taken* is also 3&. ;J: r - ft '^1 i