SHORT WAR STORIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LV, Issue 16895, 6 July 1918, Page 3 (Supplement)

SHORT WAR STORIES.

GALLANT. Gallant officer, just back from Italy: "They were doing very badly until the French came up jvith thoir 75'5." ■ Charming Young Lady i "What gallant people the French are! Just think of men of that age going to the front!" RUST. At the recruiting office a very keen recruit, who was an exceedingly fine specimen of young manhood, was undergoing medical examination. " How in the world did you become so freckled— is it Bunbura?" asked the doctor. "No, , sir," smartly replied the recruit. " I don't think it's sunburn. I think, sir, it must be the rust of my 'cast-iron' constitution coming out." DISAPPOINTMENT. A private of that famous corps, the Royal Engineers, while on sick leave, had occasion to make an urgent inquiry by telphone. A haughty voice answered from tho other end, and inquired his business. "Will you speak to a sapper for a few minutes!" asked theR.E. dubiously. ' Certainly," came back the reply with alacrity (much to Tommy's surprise); "what is yjur name?" Tommy duly informed the owner of the haughty voice, but was horrified the next instant when told to ring off. "1 thought you said flapper!" the voice concluded in disgust.

IRREPARABLE LOSS. "War," cried the liverish man, In the smoke-room, " is a curse and a disgrace, an abomination, and a blot on civilisation ! War is enough to make a decent man go and hang himself!" He rose and left the room, his face showing signs of strong emotion. "Gentleman feels rather strong on the subject," said a commercial traveller. " Lost some near relative," I suppose. "He 'ave!" replied the man grimly. " He 'ave lost his wife's first husband!" A BROKEN MELODY. A young patient belonging to the Buffs was always up to some joke or other. One day he inquired: "Are you fond of music, sister?" "Why, of course," I replied. "Then here's a whole band for you, sister," volunteered the young scapegoat, holding out the small rubber band from the mouth of a soda-water bottle. I laughed as I went on with my work. " Quite right of you not to accept, sister. It's not worthy of you," moving it round in his fingers, and disclosing the fact that it was split across. "It's only a broken melody."

A PROBLEM. He had just been rejected (half an inch too short, the doctor had said), and was looking rather intently at his' paper when a friend passed. " Hullo!" said he, " that paper seems to be puzzling yon." "So it does. Have a look at it," said our would-be Roberts. "It seems all right. You are to go back in two months time." " That's just what is puzzling I me. Look here! If it's taken me 28 years to grow sft Urn, how much will I grow in two months?" ONE BAD HABIT. Colonel Henry L. Cousins, of the American Secret Service Department, said in reference to a German plot he was investigating: " Why, even the defence of these fellows is suspicious; it made me think of a young woman I used to know. " ' Colonel Cousins,' she said to me one evening, with a glad light in her eyeß, ' I'm sure my nusband doesn't drink.' "'Are you sure, ma'am?' said I. "' Yes,' she said, he's only got one bad habit—he'B always chewing cloves/ i'