SHORT WAR STORIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LIII, Issue 16210, 22 April 1916, Page 5 (Supplement)

SHORT WAR STORIES.

NO COMPLAINT, A war story, which is true, was told by a civilian official at a B.A.jt.C. mess. He was travelling down to Winchester in a carriago into which several Tommies had got,. and overheard the following fragment : " Our major, 'e's an officer and a gentle man, an officer and a gentleman. The other day he comes into the canteen, and, says he, 'Any complaints?' And 1 says, ' Yes, sir. Beg your pardon, sir, this tea ain't fit to drink.' So he says to the bloke who's served us, 'Give us a cup.' And when he'd tasted it, ' 'Ogwash,' says he, ' 'ogwash!' And he says to the bloke, 'Line these men up,' and when he'd done that he says, ' And now give them back their tuppences.' And I'd never paid mine!" A KITCHENER STORY. An amusing story is being told about Lord Kitchener. It concerns a famous poster, issued some time ago, with an appeal in, his handwriting for more men and yet more men. He had of course to write the original appeal from which the facsimile on the poster was made, and he did so, and it went to the department concerned with such things. His writing (so the story runs) was found to be too small for poster size reproduction, so the sheet was sent back to him with the request that ho would rewrite it-

He did, but again it was too small, and lie wrote it a third time, and with that third draft sent that grimly humourous message, " Don't ask me to write this again, for rather than do it we'll have conscription'" GAMES THEY DIDN'T WANT. Some men belonging to one of the battalions of the King's Liverpool Regiment were billeted in an empty house, and had to sleep on a straw mattress on the floor, with the windows wide open, according to orders. One morning, just before breakfast, an officer entered the house to inspect it, and on entering one of the rooms lie found a number of men busy cleaning their equipment. Sit his entrance the men sprang to attention, and he told them that the colonel intended getting litem some games, and asked them if theie were any special ones they would prefer, One of the men, who was known all round as a " hard case." thanked the officer, and said, "We should bo glad of any kind of games, except draughts. We have far too many of them hero already." A VERY TEMPORARY JOB. Tramp: Tramp! Tramp'. The noise of many marching feet came nearer and still nearer Then the squad of marchers came round the corner, and abruptly halted at thu stern orders of the officer in command. It was soon evident that this particular officer was a martinet of the slerne«l lytic. Orders and counter-orders quickly fol lowed each other, until at last a low growl of anger swept through the ranks. culminating in the opinion as expressed by one young private who boldly stepped forward. His paper hat'and leggings were much tho worso for wear, but ho eyed his superior calmly, as ho announced : Look here", Jonesy, you're on'y a horfreer till you've spent your 'apenny; then you'll 'ave to be a bloomin' privit, saraq as us I' l