ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLIX, Issue 1514, 9 November 1912, Page 7 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

Ladt "Do you mind copper*. niy v good man?" Coster: " No. muni: they're usually. minding me !" All a man asks of his wife when he names homo cross .and tired is just to act as if she was not there. .Bo men consider marriage Just as nti incident. snmo consider it an accident, and some simply won't consider it. ;it nil. " I k>vo you, dear, but I don't knowhow to propose. " That's all-Tight, darLing —tiro through with me. All you've got ;do now is to a<?k papa." We are told that it is- a liberal education for any nioji, and marriage, of course, is the decree, but it is rot always the best educated who are the best "If. "Do you believe in patent medicine?'.''' "Rather! My brother has benefited very mnah' by them." " Which kind did he rake?" "None. He's a. chemist.'' There's «> Tr.uch saint in the worst of them and so much devil in the best of them that a woman who's married to one of them ha? nothing to learn of '.he rest of them. " I all all go up to town to-morrow. Alexander, to see the new autumn hats." " You forget, my love, to-morrow is Sunday— shops will 'be closed. ' " Shops ! \\ ho wants shops? Tm going to church!" •< Have you noticed,' 1 said a clubman, '"that poets almost invariably refer to the » ar th >.s 'she?' Why should the earth he considered feminine?" " Perhaps because nobody knows just how old it is!" rejoined a -member. Vicar : " Well, -Mrs. Grundy, amid all your troubles, I am pleased to see that vour gratitude to Providence does not fail." Mrs. Grundy : No. sir, rh< nmatiz ; s bad, indeed, but I thank 'raven I still havo a back to 'avo the rheumati/. in!" Madamo Sarah Be-rnJiardt has: killed herself on the statro over '10.000 time*. A lady once asked her whether she really kept a. coffin in her house. " Certainly." waa the reoly. "And so would you if you were the' morgue's most frequent, customer." Doctor : " Wliy, how i:- thus, my dear fir'' You send me a no'/: statini; tnat you have been attacked with mumps. arid I find you suffering from i henmatism." Patient : *' That's all ri;;ht. doctor. There wasn't a. pouJ in the hous". tnat hue v. !:nv.to ppell rheumatism." Customer : " 1 'ay, what <!<• yon think that is? Just taste, it. and p'vv me jour opinion.'' Grocer: " Well, 1 .'mould say it was soda." Customer : " That s what I id. But mv wife contended tint i! wa>rut poison. Try it again to make .aire. Mnry .mu-lt ■» Wtle sea* Krc.iping 'neiith the >t:iu : Slip look a tu'ifc-'d liyle ..Ji'i e f--To ap'/t tj"> leak '' ' ;iir *"'' h' "• ■ Whv rl'j th" UK's tuinMc <!-.vi,, An J bricks fall from the fky ' "Oh—Mary found 'lie )'n>«. •»<••••'. A fireman made reply. T used t/» think that Ar^olo.'* Wan, oil! m> mil J aii'l rx<~r', I" f:ui the very nicr-st. Kirl Who Jiveil v.it-liia our St. fit.' no - a!asl I realise Th era's wood beneath the v™''-, And «h« ha* got :i temper that Indeed would vex a St. When the missionary first <>. cut to China fee had a good deal of difficulty in remembering later-. " I'm getting ovei my difficulty now,'' h- said one day ).•• ;• mandarin, "but in tie- beginning hen- in Hankow you ail looked as like ;l > tv.o ]I**: Is. ' "Two pea#.?" .-aid the Ku-lisii-sjaakjii',' mandarin. Mniliir... "Why not say iv.o tmeucß?"' Old Nat Goodwill had just taken unto himself his tnui tii wife. A few days alter his last, marriage a friend met him and said : "Well. Nat, 1 t;ee you've married again. 'Yes.'' replie Goo<lwi!). "1 ve done- tie ; -'ick a!,'a;ri." "Grmd." replied the mend. "By flu way. Nat." lie addt-d, " 1 wi-lt you'd invite me to one of your wedding* 'ome time, won't- yon ' " ■ Two young men wi re talking > .;itiar. w ':ien Ucorgc, tie.) older of the two, became fuduciily ver'v confideiilinl. " 1 am much bothered," he .-.'id. "1 tan Jiia'ry a >-f<iltliy widow wiifaii J don't love or a »x**r jrfrl that I do love intensely. . What shall I do?" " Jvi.a.er. to your lit art," ad'•tscd his comp;,ion, ''end marry tin- one love. " You ;<re my friend. shall marry tho girl." "Then can you £ivo me the widow's address '-