ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLIX, Issue 14984, 4 May 1912, Page 7 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

The Wife : " Big checks for dresses ' , -will not be, in demand this season/' The Husband : " Thank Heaven P , Sweet Seventeen (to her partner): "So sorry I trod on your toe;, Mr. Browne." Browne (excessively polite) : - " Not >at Vi . «IL Not at all, I assure you! Pardon " me for having a too!" . > Johnny : "Do they have elephants in I Asia?" Papa: " Oh, yes." Johnny "Do they have circuses in Asii?" Papa : / '"No, I think not." Johnny: "Well, •;« what's the use of having elephants if they * don't have circuses?" ■ Stern Parent " Quite so, quite so! li' - Yon tell me that you have proposed to my daughter, buter — say nothing about your position." Nervous Suitor : "My position, sir er—the—usual one, I V eliove—on my knees, you know." * „ * "Mr. Richardson loft me £5000,"' re- ? marked the interesting widow •to youngDobson. '* My V dear Mrs. Richardson, ' ' replied Dobson, "you should husband your '5! 1 reeources." " Oh, Frank, dear, ' this is ', 1 so sudden ! But are you really sure you iove me?" ■* v, •/£ Meeting Pat, whom he had always liked, ' his old employer, putting his hand into his i pocket, drew out a five-shilling-piece and a half-sovereign, and ' told Pat to take which he liked. Pat looked very though- ' " fol, then said, " sure, sir, I won't be greedy. I'll take the little -wan !" Vvi" I'm doubting" paid the old weather i prophet, " that it's gaun tae rain for wenty-twa days." "Gome, come," cried •, the clergyman, " surely the world was en- '' /' '-tifefy flooded in forty days." "Aye, aye f" -was the response, " bit the world , " ) Wasna* cae weel drained as it's noo." ! "Why am I like a pin?" asked Mr. Jones, triumphantly, of his wife. He ■ expected she was going to say, " Because you are so sharp," and he was simply parlysed when she replied : " Because if ' ; you should get lost it wouldn't, be worth ■ .* while to spend time, looking for you." - —— ) Have you seen Joe lately "Why, J y<B; I saw the old chap yesterday. And, , . what do you think he's going to be mar--1 ried !" *•' Can it be possible? To whom?" " He's going, to many Maty Merrie." What! . Why, I didn't know they knew each other." " They, don't. That's why ; toey'i® going to be married." U'Vs.k tho editor in?" aicked a stranger, la tho editor in?" a stranger, ' S - 'ho sauntered into the office' ait eight fcjdck in the morning. " No, sir," : re- | •'Wed the attendant kindly ; "he does not j* 5 ®i 6so early. Is. there anything I can $4"' -• do V'. " Perhaps so. Are you connected Wl Itl with 11 the literary department of the lE^Se*: ppape r* "I am, • sir/ .. "Oh j what ;do ?kj>'i'y°'*doV .. "I empty the ; waste-paper owjkete. sir.'" », ■. .XT.-