"COTTAGE PIE."

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLVII, Issue 14566, 31 December 1910, Page 4 (Supplement)

"COTTAGE PIE."

TT.vdef. the- checfu' title 01 " Cottage Pie" (Jolm Lane. London), Mr. A. Neil Lyons provides a most remarkable and interesting collection of anecdotal impressions of voltage life in Buckingham and mid-Suis-sex. He appreciates the cottager's point of view; his sharply humourous satire is invariably kindly and human; his English is true in the vernacular, and is danrca'ily o'i the best. There is the village representative of the universal " the 'botcher," who, according to Mr. Lyons, has a number of queer adventures: —

" Well, sir,"' said Mr. G!ilks. "youcould 'not rightly call me a plumber, nor you could not rightly call me a carpenter. ! 'aven't never 1 been properly apprenticed. I be what they call a Bodger." "And how would you define this term, Mr. Gilks?'' I inquired. "Sir?"' said Mr. Gilks. "I mean to say what is a Bodger?" "Sir," responded Mr. Gilks, "if anybody do plumbing, but you cannot rightly call them a plumber; and if anybody do a bit at cabinet-making and joinery, but you cannot really call them a carpenter; and if anybody mend watches or bootii, but you cannot rightly call them a watchmaker nor a snob, that- be what they call a Bodger, sir!" "It seems a pity, Mr. Gilks," I suggested, " that, possessing such varied talents, you could not arrange to concentrate them." "Sir?'' said Mr. Gilks. " I say that you would probably have dose better by sticking to one trade instead of messing about with so many." "Ah. sir," responded. Mr. Gilks, "I have allu<s bin that weakly. No man can go through a reg'lar apprenticeship when : is chest be weak the same as mine." I looked at Mr. Gilks agai.p, and perceived that he certainly did look pile and pinched. "Not, mind you," continued Mr. Gilks, " but what I arn't got a trade of me own, if it come to that. I be a eggdealer be trade. What they calls a higgler. But when' your chest. bo weak, the tame as mine, you cannot do-much at the Jiigglin'. I makes a little sometimes b > mendin' water-butts. I got a knack wi' .water-butts."

"Ah !" I murmured ; " that reminds srie. Your present proposal, 1 understand, if; to bodge my water-butt?" "Yes, sir," assented Mr. Gilks. "To fix your water-butt so't it dont leak." "No, really I exclaimed, being overjoyed at the prospect, for I was tired of plugging up the wretched thing with dusters. "If you can do t.'nat, Mr. Gilks, I shall be highly grateful to you, and you may name your own reward." " Oh." said Mr. Gilks, " I don't trouble narthun about that, sir." If his starved little face had not belied the thought, you might have supposed him to be some sort of Person who mended water-butts for recreation and glory. " There are one or two other odd jobs about the place which you might attend to if you pull this off, all right," I thoughtfully suggested. "So I see, sir," responded Mr. Gilks. " That there lawn-mower what you be usin' don't run the same as she should do. I mend lawn-mowers."

"Do you know," Mr. Gilks," I mildly observed, "she struck me as cutting abnormal}}' well this morning." " Don't you believe it, sir,"., said Mr. Gilks. "That machine 'ave got what I call a hiccup. No machine can be working proper when she run with what I call a hiccup. Can I trouble you for a 'ammer, sir?",.

I provided Mr. Kilks with the hammer, also, at his further request, with some galvanised wire and .*1 pair of nippers. Do you propose," I inquired of Mr. /Gilks. "to tie up the leak \mh wire? Bec»I don't think that would work." "Jest yon leave it to me," responded Mr. Gilks, as with a. cheerful smile he clambered up' the side of the water-butt. I returned to the lawn-mower. I had pushed her once ,up and was, turning to come down again when rav progress was suddenly arrested by the . sound of a tremendous, unparalleled bang! Mr. Gilks ■had burst the, water-butt. : ,