ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLVI, Issue 14133, 7 August 1909, Page 7 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

"Yora husband has merely fainted." Dear, dear, these men always do things t>y halve*-.*'

"What's fresh in spring hats?" "Well, the milliners have invented two or three sew vegetables.. I believe."

A Needless Warning: Very often the jfriend who slaps you heartily "on the back is getting ready to make a light touch.

t Young Wife (as a beggar gobbles down one of her biscuits): " Thank heaven! That •fellow makes me believe in myself again."

; Gladys : "So you've sent Herbert about liis business, have you?" May belle : "Yes. Bui I have since used theer—recall on Mm."

Charlie Loveday: "UUrn—alet —er —er —er! fie! he —" Jeweller (to his assistant) : 11 Bring that tray of engagement lings here, Henry."

Bride: "Here-is a telegram from papa." Bridegroom (eagerly): " What does li© say?" Bride (read?): "Do not return and all will be forgiven."

Mistress: '* Look lieie, Susan, I can write toy name in the dust upon this tabic!" Stißan: "Ah, mum, there's nothing like fddication, i- there, mum':"

"We all make blunders. I thought cnct> I was a square peg when 1 was really a jtound one." "How did you find out your mistake?" "I got into a hole!"

D. Broke, 12: " Send a dozen roses to this Wdress." Salesman: " Yes, sir." D.8.: "Will you trust me?" S. : "Certainly." 2.8.: "Then make it two dozen."

! "Pluck," said the financier, " is tlie secret success." " Well," interrupted the 'tabby man, "I'll give you £10 if you'll tech me your method of plucking."

"So Bliggiris has. written a historical Hovel?" " Yes," answered Mis?: Cayenne. ''Who is the hero of the book?" "The Ban who has undertaken to publish it."

Butcher-. "What can I tend up to-day, «». Styles?" Mis. Styles: "Send me a ;«g of mutton, and be sure l.iat it is from a ;oiack sheep; we are in mourning, you know," t

''But why don't you believe that I have a friend who is much more beautiful'than I 4 ®*" "Because it ie impossible that she j would be your friend if she is really more [ dutiful litrn you."

Johnnie (to new visitor): "So you are & grandma, are you?" Grandmother: lis, Johnnie 1 I'm your grandma on your other's side." Johnnie: " Well, you're on ">6wrong side, you'll find that out!"

»M- ra sure/' said tho interviewer, " the public would be interested to know the fci'et of your success." "Well, young f™." replied the captain of industry, "the i. !cre ' of niy success has been my ability to e P it a secret."

Curate (who struggles to exist on £120 year with wife and six children): "We w6 lv ing uo meal as a little experiment, tif?/ hasher."' Wealthy Parishioner: 3 - ves l O.Us can eo well live on fish, r ltr y, game, and plenty of nourishing *' Des , cant one?"

v. SPACED OUT. - parlour .-of holds Hie (wain, ■i, , Miranda unci lirr love-sick swain, , », HoandsliP. ® u - 'lark! a «tcp upon the stair. -Ana jj 1K9 thrni fitting their, **6 Sll'i sl]C. ttJ?.fr rdon .'' eyi( i llic liotcl cler k> " but pardo 11," taid the hotel clerk, "but *sdip» 1S your ,lame '' " Name !" echoed the guest, who had just registered, 663 my signature there on the Mta? "I J"." answered the clerk, E?#'.' "Xlrnt- is what aroused my curio31®'