SHORT STORY.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLVI, Issue 13983, 12 February 1909, Page 3

SHORT STORY.

THK WIFE-TAMER. "Why. Dick!" '• Hallo, Bill 1" The two men shook hands with the warmth that comes of long separation. Their faces had the bronzed appearance of men who follow the sea. Dick Talpin, a fair-haired man with a mild blue eye and a reddish beard, laughed frankly in tlio pleasure of meeting his old comrade. Bill Broom reciprocated with a nervous giggle. " Who would have thought, it?" said Dick. "You're the last man I expected to come across here. How long have you been in Shelport, man'.'" "He, in':" giggled Mr. Broom. "Quito a long time. Five years, at least." " It's double, that since wo sailed on the old Rover, man," said Dick. "'What are you doing now?" " Master of the No. 149 steam trawler," said Mr. Broom promptly. "It ain't the long sea, by any means: but the missus prefers having mo at home." lie sighed.

"Ah, the missus!" said Dick gravely. Ho paused a moment before he spoke again. "I'm married, too," he said. Ami he also sighed. " 1 tell you what i! is. Bill," he continued, after a long pause: "a single man never knows when he's well off. " Not thai the missus isn't as good a woman as ever stepped. But yon know what women are; they will have their own way. Unreasonable, 1 call it. There's a lot. of tilings I've had to give up since I married. Fact, is, 1 didn't, want to come to this place at all. It was the missus that brought me here. Gave me no peace until 1 had taken a house." "Ah," said Broom, with mendacious audacity, " mine was like that at first ! But 1 soon stopped that. I can tell you. 'When I saw- how things were likely to shape I put my foot down. 'No,' I said : 'we'll start as we mean to go on. You're my wife,' 1 said: 'and you'll reinemlier that I'm on the bridge of this ship, and you're in the fo'cnstle. You'll carry out my orders promptly, and without- back-answers, and everything will go smooth on the voyage.' "You said that to your wife'.'" he exclaimed wouderingly. " That, and more," said Mr. Broom, with a boldness due to his recognition of the lady's absence. " 1 wish you'd said it to mine." said Dick. " No: I don't, though. Why should I wish an old pal any harm?" " It just needs a bit of firmness," said Mr. Broom modestly. " Taking them all through, one woman is very like another. They like a man that orders them about a bit."

" Look hero, old chap," said Dick, confidently, "I'd give five pounds in gold to sec how you do it." ■ " Five pounds!" Broom said. "Straight," replied Dick; "it's worth it to rue." ■ Mr. Broom hesitated no longer. "No. 5, Anson-stroet," he said: "that's i my address. Tell you what : you come in ; to foa this afternoon, and you ran give j mo tho five pounds when you leave." He shook hands, and walked with thought- | ful stops in the direction of his home. His I fr.ee became even more serious. Mr. Broom rubbed his hands together as ho stood before his hotter half. i "Where have you been?" asked Mrs. Broom severely. " 1 met an old shipmate, Maria," stammered Mr. Broom. " Drinking, 1 suppose?" '-aid Mrs. Broom. " Not a single drop, Maria," said Mr. Broom hastily. He seated himself nervously. " It was Dick Talpin." he said, shaking his head. " You've heard me speak of Dick Talpin? He's married, poor fellow." Directly he had spoken he became conI scions of the necessity for explanation. "I mean." he said, '* that he's not very ! happv in his marriage—not like me. You | should have heard him talk! I told him I how happy my home was, and what si nice, | obliging wife I had, and how she'd do every- ! thing that I asked her. And ho said he'd I give me five pounds only to see such happiness. " And what I thought of doing, Maria," I be wont on, after pausing for encouragei ment, and realising that he would get. none, : " was to bring him in to tea. Then when I ho saw how good you were, my dear, and how you did everything that I toldthat, i I askod you, he would give mo five pounds." '"You're mad!" said his wife severely. " Five pounds is five pounds, Maria," said Mr. Broom. His wife reflected. Five pounds in her eyes was a new dress. "Don't boat about the bush!" she said sharply. " What do you want me to do?" " Everything I tell you," blurted out her husband. "Only for an hour, my dear,.' h- 1 added hastily. " I'm to obey you'.'" said his wife scornfully, but. its worth while."

At half-past, four Mr. Talpin knocked at i the door. His friend admitted him with a | loud and hearty greeting intended to conj coal misgivings. " Come in, come in !" he said. " The missus |is waiting. She's been dying to eeo you , ever since sir.' heard you were coming. Any I friend of nunc, you know." He led Hie way into the parlour and efi fected an introduction. "Now then, Maria!" he said briskly. "Tea, tea! uo and get tea! And don't i keep us waiting." Without a word Mrs. Broom rose and left the room. Her lips were tightly pressed together. "By Oeorge!" said Mr. Talpin admiringly. "Captain's orders carried out smartly, and no mistake!" Not until lea was finished did revelation come to Brown. He pulled out his pipe I and his pouch, and handed the latter to his friend. "Fill up!" be said. "A whiff of tobacco i never did anyone any harm." " If Mrs. Broom will allow me—" lie said. " It ain't what Mrs. Broom says that goes | in this house," said Mr. Broom boldly; ' it's i what. I say ! Mrs. Broom's lips tightened again, but, I it was a momentary action. She hastened j to corroborate. '" I quite agree, Mr. Talpin," she said. " I don't, think it. is at all a good thing for a wife to put ton many restrictions upon her husband." But this was scarcely what Mr. Broom wanted. " Catch her trying!" he remarked. " Discipline is discipline." Mr. Talpin admired. " It's a pity all women aren't, as sensible as you are, ma'am, ' he said. " There'll be a lot less trouble in the world." " Maria," my flippers are beside you! Just take my boots off and put them on for ine, will you?" There was that in her face that told Mr. Broom that lie had reached the limit, Aquarter of an hour later he escorted his friend to the door. Mr. Talpin handed over a banknote in a mystic silence. "It's wonderful!" lie said, after a pause. "Wonderful, that's what, if. is!" "Oh, easy as easy!" said Mr. Broom, stimulated to unwonted inventiveness. "It didn't come all at once. But it's a good tip to break a bit of china." Mr. Talpin shook hands fervently. " Meet me to-night at. the Mariner's -Arms," he said. " ] shall have something.to tell you. And we'll have a bit of a batter." Ho strode oil' down the street. Mr. Broom, bearing the note, returned to the parlour. His wife eyed him grimly. "(.rive inn that, note she said. He handed it to her in silence. "I've earned this, William Broom!" she said stonily. " I wonder you dare look me in the face! You and your boots!" j "Mayn't I have a pound, Maria?" asked I the wife-tamer timidly. " I've cot to meet Mr. Talpin to-night at the Mariner's Arms, and he's sure to ask me to stand something." " You're net going to meet him !" she I answered decisively. " You have a cold." " My dear, 1 haven't," he protested. " You have a cold," she repeated, " and ' you're going straight to bed." Mr. Talpin strode home with his friend's words ringing in his ears. He hoped for an occasion foi a quarrel, and was not disappointed. When she was thoroughly frightened, he explained the lines upon which he exected his menage to be run in the future. " And you take my word for it," ho finished, "you're a lucky woman, and you don't know your luck." Full of joy at, his victory, .Mr. Talpin sought the Mariner's Arms. Mr. Broom was not there. He waited half-an-hour, and sought, his friend's house. Mrs. Broom admitted him. ' " He's upstairs in bed, ' she said. "Ho wants to see you. Will you come up?" " I'm sorry I can't come out," Broom gabbled. " I'm not very well; I've caught ,i cold. Til come out, another time. I'm 1 really not. well." When he had finished Mrs. Broom escorted him downstairs. " You heard him say he had a cold?" she asked severely. " I did," said the puzzled Mr. Talpin. "You heard him tell a- lie, then!" said Mrs. Broom. "He has no cold; he's quite well. He's there because I sent him there. , Good evening."