ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLV, Issue 13781, 20 June 1908, Page 7 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

in i> "O * ' "" •'Ah, let m© see! You are twins, are you not." "Yes, sir. We are not." "Why, Pojly, what are jou sliding on?" "On the back of my stomach, mamma." Isn't running for office a contagious ' disease V' "I don't know about that. It : ; 1 isn't always catching." " He (learning to waltz) :"Tt is very hard to reverse?'*' She: "C..., no; just take your foot off mine, nd put it on the other." N Singleton : "I understand your wife speaks several languages. Weddorly : "Yes; but she can't hold her tongue in ; any of them." As a " tongue-twister'' the following, sent to the 'Westminster Gazette, • will be '•".• hard to beat: " Mary ! Give Mr. Snipe's wife's knife a wipe." "I had to leave my last situation because the missus said they were going to lead the sinful life,. and . wouldn't want any servants about the place." "So you .lived onco in Africa, Sam?" " Yas, sah. "Ever do any missionary work out there, Sam?" "Oh, yes, sah! i;.. I was cook lor a cannibal chief, sah!" The first' cab left the ! rank, and the other horse»cabs moved up automatically. " Yah!" grouted one of the drivers. " Show me the motor-cab that'll do that!" Molly : " When you spoke to father, did you tell him you had £250 in the bank?" George: "Yes." Molly: "And what did he say?" .George: "He borrowed it." Sentimental Susie : " Just think ! Somewhere in this wide. world is a man I am going to many." Practical Polly: " Yes and just think how unhappy ho would be if he knew it." ■ " Simpfcms refuses to have his flat papored," reported the agent of the building. "What's the matter now?" inquired the owner. "He claims they haven't room enough as it is." "Is this colour fast and really genuine?" Gallant Shop Assistant: "As genuine as the roses on your cheeks, ' madamo." Fair Customer ; " H'm—er — thow me something else!" " I notice she bowed to yon. Is she an old acquaintance?" "Y-yes; we're slightly acquainted. In fact, she's a sort of distant ref&tion. She was the first wife of any acoind wife's first husband." " Well," said Kwotor, "you know, '•'faint heart ne'er on fair lady.' " "Non- :, sense!" replied Miss Bright; "if the _ lady's heart isn't faint and she's willing '",> to help him a little he can win every time." "I have read that some genius of a shirt-maker has invented a shirt without buttons." "Do you call that a novelty? ,* I have worn them without buttons ever since my wife became devoted to the cause ■ of women!" • '. "Mow, Tommy," said Mrs. Bull, "I want you to be good while I'm out." ;'V I'll be good for a penny," replied Tom- :, my: "Tommy," she said, "X want you to remember that you cannot be a son of . mine unless you are good for nothing." Cailjpr : " Do ; vou think the doctor is ?oine; 'to heln vou, Mr. Jones?" Jones: "Ho mav, if I can only follow his or- , . den?. He told nic to drink hot water thirty minutes before every meal, but it is hard work to drink hot water, for thirty - minute*?,'!