HOW TO AVOID WORK.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLV, Issue 13781, 20 June 1908, Page 5 (Supplement)

HOW TO AVOID WORK.

* A TRAMPS LIFE. A hook, ushered into existence under favour of Mr. G. Bernard Shaw, is pretty sure to bo as unconventional as Mr. : Slaw -bimwdf. "The Autobiography of a Super-Tramp," by W. H. Davie* (Fifieid), *« received in MS. by the publisher bearing the following note-.— 'recommend this most remarkable Autobiography of a Super-Tramp to your-special attention. —G. Bernard Shaw." The bonk thus ear-marked for posterity is certainly a most unusual contribution to present-day literature. Mr. Park's is already known to a select few for a poet of distinction, who was driven to the extremity of hawking bootlaces about the country in order to raise the necessary money to get his poems printed. In his autobiography nothing of the poetic but everything of the tramp's nature is revealed. Mr. Davies tells us how, while in America searching for work, he was ' persuaded into becoming a. tramp by a notorious beggar named Brum, who scorned the very suggest ion ■ of work. He declared there was no need to work — at least, in America, where everything could bo had tor the asking. He was a genuine beggar, was Brum.

What he required, he proceeded to beg, every- morning making an inventory of his* wants. Rather titan wash a good handkerchief he would beg an old one that was clean, and he ! would without, compunction discard a frond shirt altogether rather than sew a button onthus keeping up the dignity of his profusion to the extreme. , . '. 1 have known him, when surfeited with un abundance of common food, welt as steak, chops, etc., to beg lozenge* and sweets:, complaining, I suppose, of oat trouble*.

Nothing daunted Brum. He, was dogged, cunning, resourceful, and hill of beggarly wisdom. His advice to beggars was- the fruit of many years' experience. " Pass by the fino streets," be would say, "and take possession of the little courts- and blind alleys. ' And again — WHAT TO AVOID. Avoid every town that, has not either a mill, a factory, or a brewery ; old-fashioned towns, quiet and without working people— except a few gardeners, coachmen, domestic servants, etc. ; such places where you see a sign at the free libraries warning tramps not to enter, and every plot of land has its sign—"Beware of the Dog." With this Brum for a guide our supertramp begged his- way through America, visiting the watering-places in the summer, and going to prison in the winter to avoid the inclement weather. At a- little town in Michigan they threw .themselves across the path of the town marshal. "Now,' said Brum, "let me bo the spokesman, and I will arrange for a month'scomfort. By this time tho marshal stood before us. ""Boys," he began, "cold weather for travelling, eh?" "We don't feel the cold," was Brum':; reply. " You will, though," said tho marshal: "this is but the beginning, and there is a long and severe winter before you without a break. You would certainly be better oil' in gaol. Sixty days in our gaol, which is considered one of the best, if not the best, in Michigan, would do you no harm, I assure you.' "As for that," said Brum, "we might take 30 days each, providing, of course, you made it worth while. What about tobacco and a drink or two of whisky?",, "That'll be all right," said tne marshal; "here's half-a-dollar for a drink, and tho sheriff will supply your tobacco." " No, no," objected Brum ; " give us a dollar and three cakes of tobacco, and we will take 30 days, and, remember, not a day over."

"What is the meaning of all this?" asked the super-tramp of his friend Brum. "It simply means this," he replied; " that the marshal gets a dollar each for every arrest -he. makesin our case three dollars j the judge receives three or four dollars for every conviction; and the sheriff of the gaol is paid a dollar a day for boarding each prisoner under his charge; wo benefit by a good rest, warmth, good food, and plenty of sleep, and the innocent citizens have to pay for it all." Of all the queer personages to*be met with in Mr. Davies' book, the old man be fell in with near Bedford while-, tramping this country deserves mention. TUB FIItTIT DODGE. He was filling a can with blackberries when encountered, with which to "do a little' business on tho road. This consisted of thrusting his gathered fruit under the nose of every passer-by. Nobody offered to buy the berries, but several took compassion on the old man and flung him a coin. His tramp friend suggested that he would never sell his fruit unless ho took it to a more likely market, intimating that a greengrocer would be a possible purchaser. Tho old fellow was quite amused at the idea, "Why," he answered, with a grin, " how do you think I could make a living if I sold them? Tho market value of these berries is about one larthing, and it takes sixteen farthings to pay for my feather (bad), not reckoning scram (food), and a glass or two of skimish (drink). In fact," said he, " my day's work is done, and I am quite satisfied with the result." Saying which, he tumbled the blackberries into the gutter. On getting a bettor view of them, I remarked that no person could buy such berries, for they were about the worst assortment I had ever seen in my life. "It would not pay to make them very enticing," said he, "or they would find a too ready sale."

Tuafc was one way of earning a living, and when blackberries were out of season tho strange old fellow lived by reciting in public-houses. Two other modes of existence are revealed by the super-tramp, followed by what are termed the gridler and the downrighter. The gridler scorns even such humble merchandise as bootlaces, and supports a meagre, weather-beaten frame by singing hymns. The downrighter not only scorns pedlars and hawkers of every description, but even despises* the gridler for being a hard worker! I," says lie, "do not cany laces, needles, matches, or anything else. People never mistake me for a trader, for I exhibit no'wares, and tell them straightforward that 1 am begging the price of my supper and bed."