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ODDS AND ENDS.

-' . v .<• ... . r ',v .--V,-;. *, , • • Student : " Something la. preying .on .my mind." ProfessorAV, ; '.' It must be very hungry." ' . • ■; ... Wisdom is something which comes* to a / man when he is too old for it to do him much good. ' •- .. Salesman : "You ought to have a 'talking machine." Mr. Grouch: "I have. 1 , married it." ' _ . ; ' " The'latest advance in " Spelling reform."—"Don't eat stale Qcumbers; they'll W up." • * - " Terrible photo., that last one of mine —don't yoy think : so?" "Yes, . but an ay/fully good likeness, dear Patience : "Have you tried diabolo; .yet?" Patrice : "No ; L never, use anytiling on my teeth but pure water!" .. Fugitive Verse: "1 have here," said the poet, "some fugitive verse." "All; right," responded the editor, "let it iiy !" > ' Pickpocket: " Nothing pleases me more than airships." The Other: "Why,?"; *. Pickpocket: "Everyone is always look-; ing above!" • • Mamma: "Just think, Jimmy—this nice silk dress came from a poor, little, insignificant worm." Jimmy: "I know. You mean papa!" Maude': "But surely you admit that a horse-shoe is a sign of good luck?" Jack :. "Not. for me. Every wretched horse I ever backed wore'shoes !" "I tell you the dog does belong to me." "Then why floes he follow you?" "1 don't know. You are following me, and yon do not,belong to me." , Professor (examining medical student) : "If you are called out to a patient, what is the first question you would ask?" Medical Student: ""Where he lives!" Soldiei : " Arc we safe here, with your master's wine and cigars?" Valet : " Perfectly. I told him not to show himself because the tailor .was waiting with his bill." , • Client : "Didn't you make a mistake in going into law instead of the.army?" Lawyer: "Why?" "By the way, you : Charge there would be little left of the enemy." ; There was a young, woman named Goshen, Said, " Leap year is quite to my notion. You can see at a glance • We all leap at a chance To propose without undue commotion. "John, do you love me?". "Yes. "Do you adore me?" " I s-posc." " Will 1 V you always love me?" "Ye-here, woman, what have you ordered to be -ent hviae now ?". ■ L\V "The only thing I can recommend' in your case," "said the surgeon, "is a long journey." Well, if it lias to be, doc., ;rV -' the patient groaned, " get out your whit7/., tling tools and go ahead with the opera--1 - tion." . . Auntie: Now, Tommy, take my bon- | net- upstairs for me, there's a good boy. hV , Tommy: " 800-hoo ! I don't want to!' Auntie: Indeed! And why not, pray?" Tonit'iy : " 'Cause mother told me you d got e bee in it."-k-VY..' "Is it true, doctor," asked the summer ' Kill, "that eating cucumbers will remove freckles?" "Of course," replied • Doctor Kidder, "under certain circumstances. " Really !' AVhat circumstances?" "Well, \ piovidtd the freckles arc on the ciicumberß." " ■

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Permanent link to this item

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/NZH19080509.2.95.63

Bibliographic details

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLV, Issue 13745, 9 May 1908, Page 7 (Supplement)

Word Count
467

ODDS AND ENDS. New Zealand Herald, Volume XLV, Issue 13745, 9 May 1908, Page 7 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS. New Zealand Herald, Volume XLV, Issue 13745, 9 May 1908, Page 7 (Supplement)