SPOONERISMS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLIV, Issue 13482, 8 May 1907, Page 9

SPOONERISMS.

To Professor Spooner, warden, of New College, Oxford, have been attributed those slips of the tongue to which his name has been given. The great majority of "spoonerisms," however, have been perpetrated by other people, or are the products of a fertile imagination. >.-j • ' • lb is rather striking how many of these slips have occurred in conversations between mistresses and maids. Possibly the cares of housekeeping bring on lapses linguce For instance: A gentleman, having. called to see Miss Smith, her maid went to her and said: ' ';'■ ' ■' ' "Please; miss, Mr. Jones has called, and I've shown him into the drawingroom. He said you were expecting him." "Oh, Jane!" cried Miss Smith, in a flutter of excitement, "go and fight the liar!" • " ■ ' ■ '- Jane's face was a picture, and it was hot till she was half-way down the passage that she realised that her mistress wanted the fire lighted. '.*■'."■'" Another flurried mistress -sked the cook, in all seriousness, if she had "kicked the coopers," meaning, of course, " cooked the kippers." ' . 't, While a maidservant, on her mistress asking her if anyone had called while she was out, remarked that " an insanitary spectre" had been. ■ '• , ' / A TERRIBLE ALTERNATIVE. At the dinner-table, too, spoonerisms seem to be frequent. . A nervous young lady convulsed the party by asking for the "tickle pork," while a pompous old gentleman, at a restaurant, ordered "two bloaters' toes on roast,", much to the' waiter's amazement..'";■'.■"'.,- ■' '■'.. .'.';', \ The following is rather amusing::Avery shy man, went to supper with his fiancee's parents for the first time, and taking his seat ; at table, eyed with pleased anticipai tion, the roast duck arid pigeon-pie con-, i fronting him. , Judge of his terror when the host,-anxious to impress his future,son-in-law, grasped, a huge carving-knife and said, with his most impressive air: ',„ ? '. : ... '.. ~,;■:> " Mr. Blank, will you have puck or die : Professor Spooner is .said to have .once made a speech to 'some Yeomanry men from an agricultural, district. ■ The j men were leaving for the front, and after blankly referring to them as "tons of soil," the professor began to enlarge upon the necessity of young men learning, how to " shout and scoot." The speech reached its climax when Spooner reminded them how, when troops came home, everybody" flung out all their hags" to welcome them. * > . ; SLIPS BY CLERGYMEN. ' '. In church, too, these: slips have occurred, and tickled the congregation. One vicar announced gravely that a fire in a neighbouring cihurch had been caused by ah " over-hooted flea;" while a curate referred to the ' bishop of the diocese as a "shoving leopard of the sheep in his charge."* It was this same curate who, at a bazaar, introduced a Miss Mildred Sutton to his friends as " Silly Mutton." As may be supposed, the young lady felt rather sheepish. A .man hurrying for his train saw something' shining on the ground' in front of him, and stooped to pick it up. Then, to everybody's amusement, he exclaimed in disappointed tones: Why, it's only a glutton from above." And impatiently he threw a. glove button away. During the summer, when the muzzling order was in force, a tender-hearted old lady noticed two little pug dogs wearing these appendages, and, turning to a friend, said in a voice quivering with indignation • "What a shame it is to puzzle the mugs!" ."' , I On another occasion, asked if she patronised the local shops, she replied: "Oh, no! The shops here are so expensive, that I have to steal at the doors." . Apparently a tendency to . spoonerisms runs in the family, for it'was this lady's son. who one day said that he had been "boiling his icicle." : '. . . : . , ■