ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLIII, Issue 13193, 2 June 1906, Page 7 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

<•» ( . : "Will you marry me?'' "You must give me time." "To think it over?" "No; to break off mr other engagements.? Young Nonconformist: "What's all this fuss about learning the catechism, father?" Old Nonconformist; "All dogmatism, my «./; dear." . Yeast: "So hes busy at his restaurant?" , v Crimsonbeak: " Busy's no name fci it. S; Why, ho hardly has time to go out to his meals!" .Pull my teeth out, Massa Dentis', quick!" "Why, you haven't got a, tooth in your mouth*." ' "No; dey've jep' slip te;-. down mv froat." a,'v Langham: 'Yes. the poor fellow bad three doctors attending him before he died.'' Kabn • "Well, can't they lincl out which one was to blame?" She: And you say von want to marry me?" He: "Yes. I* do.'' .She: "Well, you must ask my mother first." He: "Cut suppose she accepts me?" Hicks: "I never sa.w anyone as slow as that fellow Rakely is." Wicks: "Slow? Why, the mail is positively fast." Hicks: " Put see how long it takes him to sow his i', wild oats." ' Proprietor: "Whwt made that customer walk out? Did you make him mad?" Assistant: " I don't know. He said he wanted a hat to suit his bead, and I showed 1 him a soft one.", • Tired Tomkins: ' Did vev tell her yer was a orphan widout mudder an' ladder?" Dismal Dawson: "Yes." "What'd she give yer?' " She give me a 'bunch of flowers ter put on their graves." "Yer look baa, Jim; been laid. up?" "Sorter. To-day's the first time I've been out ei doors in three months." "What was the mattei with you?" "Nothin': but the judge wouldn't believe it." Irishman: "I'm troubled with - ••adache in the morning. It may bo .m account - p'J. of my eyes; perhaps I need stronger si, glasses." Dr. Shrude: "No, I think you ; ; merely need weaker glasses—and fewer— V, , at night. Wile: • Our daughter is twenty, and she \ ought to be married." Husband : "Oh, she has plenty of time. Let her wait till the right sort of .man comes along." Wife: "Not at all. I didn't wait for the right sort- of man!" b■ ■ — Lauy (in pursuit of a cook): "Why did you leave your place?" Cook: "I. could t stand the dreadful way the master and mistrass quarrelled, mum." Lady: "What |r,< did they quarrel about?' Cook 'lhe t;,' * . way the dinner was cooked, mum. r, "Pretty tiresome, isn t. 'it?" remarked * the first man at a reception. "It is so," | , 'replied the other "I'd sneak ov. if I ' | could, but my wife "would get mad. Slies £ « friend of the hostess " " I'd sneak out, too, but my wik would be furious. She s the hostess." ; A solitary sportsman, las gun -aider ' his Y* win, was wandering down a country lant ' when he nut a small boy going to_ school, jlllf! " I say, my boy," lie remarked, "is there |pj££; anything to. shoot djrjwn nere?". The boy looked around. A) , there's the tkule- | ife; - flsuistcr comin' over the hill."