ODD STORIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLII, Issue 13048, 13 December 1905, Page 2 (Supplement)

ODD STORIES.

EXPLOSIVE JOKE. They were drilling at the safe. Said the first cradksman to his pal: "Wots de diff'rence, Bill, between us an' do hayseed farmer?" " Dunno," replied his partner. " W'y. he tills do laud an' _ we land de till." ''* At this point the safe blew up. , ; LOST. O'Connell, when addressing a great meeting in Dublin, suddenly missed his watch. " Sacred heaven!" cried a supporter. " Have I lived to see this day of woe? A transaction unparalleled in the annals of infamy has occurred in. this hall since the arrival of his country's Liberator, my august leader." What? Stolen the Liberators family timepiece! Hideous! They closed the doors, and it would have been death for a man to attempt to escape until everyone had been- searched. While the excitement was at its height a police inspector hurried into the hall, bearing the lost watch. It had been left under O'Connell's pillow. ..- j, : __ ■ IN WILD AMERICA. That America was, until recently, considered only half civilised by many people in England, is illustrated by the following story : — At a certain dinner in London, the conversation happened to be on lynching in America, and the general opinion was that the rope was the chief end of man in America. There was an American present who find not joined in the '/conversation until the hostess asked him if he had not teen some of these lynchings. He admitted he had. "Why," said he, "the night, before I left America I gave a dinner to my friends. During the dinner one of the waiters happened to spill some soup on the dress- of one of the ladies present. The men; rf the party immediately procured a rope, put it around the; waiter's neck,' and at a, signal ' from tho woman, hung oim '<> the chandelier." " And did you witness that, horrible deed?' inquired the amazed hostess. "Well, no," returned the American. "Just at .that moment I was"' downstairs killing the cook for putting mustard in the blanc mange." . THE AUTOMOBILE WARD.: ; An attendant in "a large insane asylum had been conducting a party of visitors through the. institution. " Now," he. said, " having been through all of the most interesting parts of ' the place, I will show you the automobile ward. This," he continued in exulanation, as he cautiously opened a heavy iron door, " is where all who are sent here suffering from insanity brought on by automobiling are placed." . ~ ' x "How many patients have you in this ward?' asked one. of the visitors. -^';"''-' "There arc sixty at present," replied the attendant. • The visitors looked down the long ward, but only saw two men, talking excitedly, in a' corner." :.:• ■' - ■ . ■.' . "But I thought you caid there were sixty patients here," said the visittor who had spoken first. ■ "There are," replied the attendant. "The rest are under their beds fixing the machinery. Don't you see their feet sticking out in the aisles?"".'