ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLII, Issue 12859, 6 May 1905, Page 6 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

Sam: "Doctor. 1 can't he anything." Doctor: "Von can't hear?" Saul: "No. dr." Gladys: "(.us-, dear. I wish you would try a different hair restorer: you: moustache tastes like paraffin." One of the greatest wonders in this world is what 'becomes of all the smart children when they grow up. "That Miss Beverley, to whom i bowed just now, is a regular Klondike" "That so? Rich?' "Yes, rich, cold, and distant." Dora: "I hear your sister Maggie is happily married." Flora: "Indeed (she is. tier husband daren't open his mouth in her presence." Miss Maude: Did you enjoy yourself on your vacation Kodak Idiot: "i can tell you better allot I have developed all the films I exposed.' Qhauffeui : " You'd better be a little careful,, sir. My -ar might make your horse run." Farmer: Well, it'll he the lirsl time these thirty years."

lie: "Wonder if .Mrs. dayboy ever caught Iter husband Hilling?"' She: "Oh! undoubtedly. Thc\ say that was tin only way she could have caught him." First Caddy: '■ I've 'been f>iek all the afternoon':'' Second Caddy: "Influenza?" First Caddy : "Worse. I've been caddyiii" for a couple that's onlv been married a week." Small Buy (just home, from school) ".Mamma, Miss Simpson says I'm descended from a monkey." His Mother (glancing severely at her husband): "Not on my side, darling." Cyril: "You may spurn me, ctuel one, but remember, I shall not always be a clerk at a pound a week!" Marie: "That's just the trouble. Von may lose your job at am time !" "Weel, friends," said the minister to his congregation, "the kirk is urgently in need of siller, and as we have failed to get money honestly, we will have to see what a bazaar will do for us." ''Papa, what, would you say if Mr. Fealheitop should ask your permission to many me';" " Put your fingers in yum cars, my daughter, and I will rehearse a few of the remarks 1 shall probably make if he ever does." Bill had a billboard. Bill also had a boardbill. The boardbill 'bored Bill so that Bill sold the billboard to pay bis boardbill. So after Bill sold his billboard to pay his boatdbill the board'bill no longer bored Bill. Mr. Highlive (looking up from the paper): "Well, well! Wonders will never cease! They've got so now that they can photograph in colours." Mrs. Highlive (glancing at his nose): "1 think, my dear, you'd better get your picture taken'before the old process is abandoned." Peckham: "You can't cat? Why, what's the mailer with you?'' Younger: "Well, to be perfectly frank with you. I'm so much in love I don't feel like eating anything." Peckham: "Huh! After you marry the girl you'll be the same way, only it'll be indigestion then." Higgins : "My wife says if I should die she would remain a widow until death. Of, course she might change her mind, bill it is sort of consoling, just the same." Jinks: " Evidently your wife thinks there is no other man'in'the world like you. "Higgins: "On the contrary, she's afraid there is, and that she'd get him,"