ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XLII, Issue 12818, 18 March 1905, Page 6 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

I'm: man who said a jiorson can set user! in anything probably nicer died living with hi:< relative,.

"A'l dat education d .e> foil some folks," said Unc'.o Elx;n. "is to learn dem a lew mo' words to talk foolishness v. if."

Stella:_ "Why did she refuse Jack'.'" Bella: " J'.eciUoe lie couldn't iuopoit her in the style she was UMaccU<t(imcd to."

"Do you believe that; rain falls alike on the just and tho unjust':" " Not a hit of it. The unjust have the itmbie'iiae."

Timid Little Man (apoli gctieally. to large and terrifying femaie dummy): "1 leave it to you, oarlncr." Ihinnm :'" Cowaiti!"

Figg ■ "Vim have Men .Junes' wife. Whit is she like'.' Should you call her pretty?" Fogg: "1 might if I were, talking to Jones."

She: "Oh, it's easy to v.in a woman's love— hay- only to provide her with all she wants." He:' " Von don't call that easy, di, you'-''

"The only tiling abou l airships which seems in keep up," run irked iho observer of events and things, " i., i!, ( . cost ~j [„,,,.,,. lad uring them."

He: "Have J any rival in vein- alTectious':" She: " Well -no. At least I cannot think of anyone else 1 regard with ecpial indifference."

Simple: "I wonder why fishermen exaggerate so terribly about ||, 0 lish thev catch?" Sharper "Because it's a lot easier to lie than it is to catch fish."

"Henry." said slit, sadly, "von didn't give in,, a birthday gift:."' "Thai's so," said Henry; "but. you see, you look so young that I can't realise von over have birthdays.''

Kind Lady: "It's strange that a strong man like you cannot get work." Tramp? "Well, you set:, mum, people wants references from lie- last, employe), an he's been dead nigh on lwentv ecus."

"Professor, I know- a man who says ho can tell, by the impression on his mind. when his wife, wants him to come home to dinner. Is it. telepathy?" "Not at, all miss. I should call that mendacity."

Old Gentleman (in the 'bus): "Have done sir! What are you doing with vour hand m my jacket;" The Cheery Merchant. "'Sorl right, boss! I thought the conductor 'ad give yer tuppence short."

Angry Wife: " It seems to mc we've been married a century. ] can't- even remember when or where we first, met." Husband (emphatically): " J ran. Tt was at a dinnerparty where there were thirteen at table."

Traveller (in a railway carriage, to fellow passenger): "Sir, what do you mean by that? This is tho third lime you have deliberately put out my match."' Fellow Traveller: "Force of habit. I'm a member of it volunteer lire brigade."

Mr. Oldham: "So you've lost vour rich patient at last." .Mr.' Young: "Yes; .still I had him on my hand,, for a lon, while I had two amputations mil of him, two \ears' attendances, and the usual operation for appendicitis. I think i did myself extremely well over that chap."

Sin "It ] ; ; useless to urge me to marrv you. When I say no, I mean no." He': "Always?" She: "Invariably." If :

"And can nothing ever change your determination when once you make up your mind?" She: " Absolutely nothing." He: " Well. 1 wouldn't care to marry a girl like that, anyhow."