ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XL, Issue 12401, 24 October 1903, Page 6 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

He : " Darling, will you share my lot?" She : "Yes, Reginald, if it really is a lot." " So you are living in as quiet a waj-- as ever?" "No." "What's the matter?" " Twins." May : " Charley Stubtoe is a good dancer in his way. Sue : Yes, and in everybody's else's way." Mrs. Freshcash ; " Didn't you buy the picture?" Fresh cash : Why, no. It wasn't dear enough." Teacher; "How did the Czar of Russia get rid of the Poles?" Pupil: "He put, the wires underground." Common sense-, is the faculty that enables us to understand what line of conduct other people- should pursue. Landlady: "Shall I light the gas?" Boarder : " Oh, it isn't necessary ; the supper is light enough." • " Is your brother-in-law a well-informed man?" "I should say so. Why, his wife tells him everything." The pitcher that never goes to tho well never brings any water ; and it may fall off the shelf and be broken. " Hey, stranger, I've been robbed. What's the quickest way to get to the police station?" " Insult an orficer." " You said he was a professional musician." " Oh, no; I endeavoured to intimate that he professed. to be a musician." " The great poets are born," remarked the sententious person." "Yes; and they are I also dead," replied the editor, wearily. ■ We have a lengthy list of woes To spoil our hopes and twist 'em. ' But his are worst who betting goes Upon a sure thing system. "When, it comes to opening up a new country," remarked the Observer- of Events and Things, "there is nothing can beat a volcano." He: " Your life shall be filled with sunshine." She: "Yes, but how about lamplight? r Cap you undertake to keep the oilcan filled?'" Mrs. Hauakeep : " What have you got today in the shape of rhubarb?'' "Greengrocer : "Well, we've got some celery— the nearest." Occasionally we have an experience that arouses a suspicion in us that we really haven't much more sense than we used to have after all. "Mamma, what is the baby's name?" asked Freddie. "The baby hasn't any name," answered his mother. "Then how did he l know he belonged here?" :