ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XL, Issue 12278, 23 May 1903, Page 6 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

Friend: "Was it a serious accident?" Motorist : " Oh, no. There were three people killed, and the motor was not even scratched.

"He claims to have invented a camera that makes people prettier than they are." " How is that?" '' By simply making the lens flatter."

Country Urchin (to city sportsman): "If ycr out- for sport, mister, an' you don't mind payin' a tanner for it, my brother will let you shoot at him for two hours!"

" Whence do yon suppose came the expression, 'Swearing like a trooper?'" " The only way I can account for it is that golf was once popular in the army."

Charlie: "My friends tell me that I have all the eccentricities of genius." Beatrice : "What a pity it is, Charlie, that you have not. got the genius itself."

"She: "Cousin Harold thlnKs of bavin" his poems published shortly in book form." He: "Weil, that's the best way of putting them where they won't bother anybody."

"So she's engaged to him? Well, I don't understand how she, can see'; anything in him." , "It isn't that; she can see anything in him but that she can't see through him."

From one of the London police courts. " Me no understand." said the foreign prisoner. "He can speak good English," said the policeman "he swore at me when I arrested him."

The Adorer: "It's wonderful, old man, what love will enable a fellow to see in a girl that he never saw' before." The Onlooker : "No doubt; but it is equally wonderful what it won't let him see that he will see later."

What can I do for you?" the physician asked the good woman who had entered his consulting-room. "I think I should have a commission," she returned respectfully but firmly. "Every child in our street caught measles from my baby."

" I doubt if one man out of twenty can recall to memory the language ho used in proposing.' " Probably not. But the-girl can. Mine did.' When the breach of promise suit came up she was able to repeat my proposal word for word." - . .','

A boy inquired of his father the meaning of "transatlantic," and was told "Across the Atlantic." "Does 'trans' always mean cross,' father?" he then asked. "Yes" replied his father; "but don't bothei me any more." 'Then I suppose 'transparent' means a cross parent," muttered the youngster, as he returned to his book.

When you have seen a man enjoying himself telling you a story never tell' him that you have heard that story before, and above all never tell him that you know a much better version of it and proceed with it Remember that the acknowledged best conversationalists are those who have the,reputation; of being good listeners. You will be called brilliant according to the way in which you will give others a* chance to shine.