ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XL, Issue 12213, 7 March 1903, Page 5 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

Tins is the newest new proverb One ser-vant-girl in the kitchen is worth two -a* the garden-gate.

Little Boy (who has been chased out oi the farmyard by a turkey): "All right Just wait till Christmas and I'll knock-the stuffing out of you!"

Green: "How do you know that Scrib* bles and his wife are such a loving couple?" Brown: "Because she reads everything In writes, and he eats everything she cooks."

The Court:' "What's all that noise?"" Lawyer: "I've lost my hat, your honor." 1 The Court: " Why, people lose whole suits, here every day and don't make half as much noise." ,

Mrs. Golightly: • '"That Mrs. Jones* Smythe is awfully stuck up." -Mrs,. Up-to-Date (reminiscently): "And I can remember her before she had a hyphen to-•her name!" *' :

Little May was showing the pictures in " the album to the visitor, and, on opening the page containing the ' portrait of her father's, first wife, she said:j "That's -my, eldest mother."

Stella:."l came hear missing a proposal last night." Her Mother: " Did yon really?" Stella: "Yes. He got down on his knees, and I thought' he was merely looking for a ping-pong ball."

Daughter: "Papa seemed to be an unusually good humour this "morning when he started for town." Mother: "My goodness ! That reminds me* I forgot to ask him for some money."

Ada: " I saved a man's life at Blackpool last summer." Glare: " How? I didn't gee anything about it in the papers." Ada:', " Well, I should hope not. He said he'd die if I didn't let him kiss me." . •• '

"I wonder why the humorists ■ do not write any jokes about the son-in-law,", observed that curious person. " For the simple reason," replied the mother of the bride, " that a son-in-law is no joke."

Lottie: " I'm sorry to refuse you, Jack, but there it is. „ And they say, it does a man good to be jilted." Jack: "I don't believe - it. .. He's pretty sure ,to get over it and marry someone after all." . //. ■ : r

i Miss Bittersweet (to partner) : " I suppose you are very fond of dancing, Mr. Brown?" Brown (who prides himself on his waltzing): "Passionately." Miss Bittersweet: "I thought so! I wonder you don't learn."

Freddie: ." Ma, the bat is the biggest bird.that flies, ain't it?" Ma: "By so means, Freddie." Freddie: "Well, anyway, some of 'era must be mighty big, .'cause I ' heard father say he was out on one last night." ' J* ', : .

He: "The astrologer described you exactly, and said that . I would marry • you." She: "Don't,you think.it was a.wast# of money to- consudt him?" "Why?" "I could have told you the same thing myself if you had asked • me." o . . : . ;' .

The Man - with the Iron' Mask ; was pro testing to Louis XIV. against the cruelty ' of the scheme. " All right," replied th# in- g flexible . monarch, "I will buy you a pair of those , automobile ; goggles! S; They ■. will • answer the purpose, just as well." ; Horri- '«■ fied ,by this suggestion, the unfortunate prisoner begged off and never uttered , another complaint. •