ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXIX, Issue 11854, 4 January 1902, Page 6 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

A;' man never knows what a saint he is until he overhears his wife talking to some other man's wife. All things come to him who waits, but they aren't nearly so valuable as those that come" to him who works. '' Tho difference between a man who has money and a man who hasn't is that the one is judged by what he is, the other by what he appeal's. Tommy: "Father, why do men get 'bald sooner than women?" Mr. Figg : "Because they don't wear their hair so long. Will that satisfy you?" It is a' hard enough matter to believe that knbwledge is power when we seem to possess all the knowledge and the other fellow invariably has the power. Head of the Firm: " That's a pretty an-cient-looking office-coat you; are wearing ! Mr. ravers." Travers:" Yes, sir. I got i this with the last rise in my salary." ■-; Harry : "Well, yes, I suppose I was rather hasty in proposing to her ; but the fact is she looked so charming I lost my heart." Dick : " You mean you lost your head." "That's a poor design for a flag that the Australians have adopted." "Why so?" ;!." There isn't a kangaroo or a boomerang anywhere upon it."—Cleveland Plain Dealer.. ..-.......'.• '- " He : "The articles in the newspapers about the danger of contagion from kissing are very alarming. Don't you think so?" She s " Well, perhaps ; but we women admire courage in a man." " They say young Folley has been wandering in his mind lately," said one man to another. "Well," was the heartless reply, from what I've seen and heard of him he's safe enough he can't wander very far." Mistress (engaging servant): "Of course, ) you must know that I allow no followers." Matilda Jones : " I'm right glad to hear it, ma'am. At your time of life, and a married woman, too,' it wouldn't be proper if you did!";', ;;; : "" Ethel: " I think Jack intends to propose to-night, and I v look like a fright with this cold. Edith : '.', What of it? You said you were going to refuse him with scorn." Ethel: " I was : but if I refuse him with scorn looking like this he'll feel rather glad." ; ~ • The following is told of a gravedigger in the North of Scotland: —One" day, when " gathering in" the remains of an aged parishioner, he observed some women weeping by the graveside. Turning round, he sharply demanded of them: " What are ye greetin' for? If ye dinna bring 'em at eighty when wad ye bring 'em?" A certain benedict was in the habit of troubling his father-in-law with complaints about his wife's behaviour. :" Really, this is too bad," cried the irascible old gentleman one day, on hearing of some of his daughter's delinquencies. " If. I hear any more complaints I will disinherit her. There were no more complaints. Mrs.Worryfcon: "I wish I could fathom something whereby i could keep my husband at home at nights." Mrs. So'otherson: "Get him a bicycle." Mrs. Worryton: "That would take him out more than ever." Mrs. Sootherson: "Oh, no,; it wouldn't. My husband got one the other day, and the doctor; says he won't-be out for ! a month." At a party one evening a lady, was entertaining - the assembled company with 'an account of their first quarrel, '."and how, alter making it up with one another, her husband bad planted a tree! in remembrance of it.' " If we had only done that," whispered the ' minister's ■ wife to her husband, ;" what a I splendid avenue! we might have had 1"