ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXVII, Issue 11538, 24 November 1900, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

"Did she get your bill?" "Yes; I directed it to her husband and marked it ' personal.' " Vulgar ostentation is the display made by people who have more money to do it with than we have ourselves. Struckoyle : " I suppose while you were in China you did as the Chinese did?" Newriche (hotly): "Do you mean to call me a liar?" " Jedge," cried the coloured prisoner, " You say you gwine ter gimme jestice. Fer de Lawd's sake don't do dat, jedge—l got trouble enough now!" The golf craze has taken possession of the Government officials to such an extent that many of them employ caddies to bring their salaries from Downing-s\reet to the links. A Plea of Guilty.—" you the defendant in this case?" " No, sir," answered the mild-eyed prisoner "I has a lawyer to do de defendin'. I'se de gentleman dat stole de articles." Johnny: "Mrs. Talkemdown paid you a big compliment to-day." Mother: "Did she, really?" Little Johnny: "Yes. She said she didn't see how you came to have such a nice little boy as me." "Enjoyed your party, Bobby?'.' "Yes, ma." " Well, what little girls did you dance with?" " Oh, I didn't dance! I had three fights downstairs with Willie Richardson, and I licked him every time." Wife (aghast) : " Henry, where did you get that appetite?" Returned Soldier (ravenously eating away) : " That appetite, jane, was presented to m 1; for gallant and meritorious conduct in the field." " Your honour," said the lawyer, "my client acknowledges that she struck the canvassei with ?. piece or gas-pipe, but she pleads that it was a case of mistaken identity." " How's that?" asked the judge. " Well, she thought it was her husband.' Mrs. Brown: "Im sure you have a good husband." Mrs. Green: "Yes; but, then, he is such a wretched manager ! If you'll believe it, he went and paid our butcher's and grocer's bills last week, when he knew well enough the children were just longing for bicycles." "That girl makes the silliest remarks of anybody 1 ever saw. And yet people laugh at them, too." "What's she been saying now?" "I was telling her, the other evening, that my parents had thirteen children." "Yea?" "Well, she looked at me a while, and said: Oh, are you the thirteenth?' Then everybody sniggered. Now, will you . kindlv tell me what there was funny about that? 1 ' He was a business man. Fifty years had frizzled his hair and lined his keen face. He new the ups and downs of life. He knew men and their ways. He could read them all like an open book; but his piercing, ?- grey eyes opened wide in amazement, his and clutched the back of his chair, and bis firm mouth trembled slightly when a neighbour voluntarily brought back bis borrowed "imbrella. ' <