ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXV, Issue 10836, 20 August 1898, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

Jokes : "I married my wife a month aftfl V she accepted me." Brown: "And I married mine three days after she refused me." "You have called regardin" the situation '• of footman?" "Yes, my hid. "Wastes, - not^ someone in the ante-room as you came:-; in?" "There was, my hid; it was a nun : . with a writ for- your ludship, but I threw 'im -;.: bout." " You are engaged." ', , ; - Writer: "That- is a great scheme this;;,.. Chicago man has of dividing up his auto-' .■ biography." Biter: "What is it?" Writer: - "Instead of using chapters he divides it off ;-.; under the headings, 'First Wife,' 'Second Wife,' 'Third Wife,' 'Fourth Wife.'",- -"',. Mistress (midnight): "I don't intend to - come downstairs to let you in this time of /, night again." New Girl (reassuringly)) - " "You won't have to, mum. One of BJ;,-.. \ friends took an impression of your lock) ;,■ ; and he's making a nice key for me." _ Cautious.—Host: "I hate to send yon'°«';.'l: in such a blustering night as this, old id-',-.-:;: : . low." Guest: "it's raining pretty hard • I say, couldn't you lend me your umbrella- ,- Host : " Certainjy; and-er-I think I" -:. walk home with you myself. 1 real v, .'. -■: need a little exercise." ' V Reassured: " You advertise to sell genuin*:;•, milk," said the customer, reproachfully! .. r "and I discover unmistakable evidence that-; | there is water mixed with it." " That pay : . be; but the genuine milk is there just tne ... same," was the reply; "I know it Wi. w ' v Because I put it there myself." . :.*:'{ '■;■■"■: A traveller from Scotland brings a storj which is at least well invented. He reports .: that he saw at one of the steamer stations • on the West Coast of Ireland the follomns .;. announcement:-"The Duchess of Arey l leaves the Duke's Arms, Inverary, ?w||i morning at a quarter to ten, returning,?,, ||| dusk." ' ! .-•' - " Here is a curious bit of reasoning on the || part of a little girl in a North-country Boot ~ school. The examiner wished to -get W& children to express moral reprobation mm® lazy people, and he led there up to it W im asking who were the persons who got > they couid and did nothing in .return^-,..,-For some time there was silence,' but *mm a , little girl, who had obviously reason out the answer- inductively from her o» home experience, exclaimed, with a% . '/,'i. deal of confidence, "Please, sir, its » -a: baby!",—; -:, r^m