ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXIV, Issue 10419, 17 April 1897, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

AsiBiGCGUs: "I am sorry to hear that you have lost your wife, Cicero." "Yee> pahson, but de Lawd knows wot's bra fob us." "Is de earth round?" "Course "till" "Howd'yer know? ,, " D'yer spose thiol cable cars'd wurk round a square earth, yd bloke!" Sweet Nothings.—Edith: "Did be whisper sweet nothings when he proposed* Ethel: " Oh, yes! swore he'd bo ever true, and all that." Little Willie (proudly): " Oh, wo live on the fat of the land." Little May (disdainfully): "Huh, we always throw away tbe fat up at our house." Bjones: " I hear you are very attentilf to Miss Milyuns. How is your suit pro , gressing?" Wigwag: "My trousers art getting baggy at the knees." Bobby: "Is oxygen what the oxen breathe all day ?" Papa: "Of course, and what everything else breathes." Bobby! " And is nitrogen what everyone breathe* at night I" Crirasonbeak : " That alarm clock of mine went last night for the first time in a year." Yeast: "Why didn't it go before?" Grimsonbeak : " Well, because this is the fire* time I ever fired it at a cat." Ho (gently): " .My dear, a man was shot at by a burglar, and his life was saved by a button which tho bullet struck." She! "Well, what of it!" He (meekly): " Nothing j only the button must have been on." Question of Prerogatives.—Tommy: " Are my lips my prerogatives ?"' Mammal " Why, no. Why do you ask ?" Tommy 1 '"Cause I saw Mr. Stayelieht kissin'sister, an' he eaid he was jes' exercising bis prerogatives." " A great many people sleep between these walls," eaid the guide, showing tbe visitor through the ancient church whert many noble families were interred. " Same way in our parts," replied the visitor. " Why don't they get a hotter preacher! , ' Mrs. Strongralnd : " And for what are you incarcerated here, my poor man? ( The Prisoner: " I married a new woman. Mrs. Strongmind (astonished): "Im* ■ possible! You couldn't be put in prison forthab." The Prisoner:" But I was! I married a new woman, and the old worna" I already had put me in here for bigamy.^