ODDS AND ENDS.
" There is no place like home," provided ib isn't one where you Vre labelled in " inmate."
Mftb: " And so you're engaged to one nl the iMiuidon twine. How do you • between them ?" Fred: "I don't try!"||f Alpine Guide (as his convoy stumbles anJ K:i slides over a precipice): " There's nc ' particular reason to hurry, sir. We'll p' there in good time." Champ (savagely): " Your dog has bitten | ft piece clean out of my leg!" Sharps | (ditto): " Confound it 1 I wanted to bring j; him up as a vegetarian 1" „ fed Teacher (to the class in chemistry): |L> " What does sea-water contain besides ths , |bj sodium choride that we have mentioned'" fgj Bobby Smith ; " Fish, sir!" ® A journalistic lady named Finn is a prt' : ||,i minenb Melbourne- cyclisto. She w« ri m pronounced "rationals," and is widely m known as Mrs. "Finn-de cycle !" f|! At Afternoon Tea.—" Why do you aim) 1 {&■ have such big servants? They make yon 1; look so very petite." "Ah, my dear, )'« M see they cannot wear my dresses." P> " How to Raise a Boy" is the leadina M article in a magazine for family reading. |Jj The best way known is to show the bey' j| telegraph pole that overlooks a circus. Jack : " I boasted before I was tempted ■ » and now—" Tom : " Mow you're wonder- 1 « ing what you boasted about." Jack: " N'f |I at all. I'm wondering where in thunder IH bj got some more temptation." If Elderly Gentleman: "This is a remark- p| ably good photo of my son. Very lik' fa*: him, indeed. Has ho paid you for if yet' '|| Photographer: "No, sir." Elderly Gentle- || man : " Ah, very like him, indeed." jf||| No Sale.—Mose Schaumberg: " I vant to jjja doll you right now, Misther Silverstone, do' I don't give Rachel any ready money v - n IJj she gits marrid." Mr. Silverstone: "' n h| dob case, Mister Schaumberg, I pes; eJ,f ||S to inform you dot I don't marry liachel o» p long gredib, bub I vill consider your note M p thirty days mit brobber segurities." I|j| A lady entered a railway train, and too' ft seat in front of a newly married coup' (i f|| She was hardly seated before they beg' l " pi malting remarks about her. Her last year ' ;| bonnet and cloak were fully criticised, "'it" M more or less giggling on the bride'* I'- 11 ' 1 M and there is no telling what might ht'® ps come next if the lady had not put a sudden |> stop to the conversation by a bit of strategy »|j She turned her head, noticed that the b rllt ! B| was considerably older than the groom, a" 0 || in the smoothest of tones said: " Mad 1 ®' |i will you please have your son close I* l ' r| window behind you!" The "eon"clo'f H his mouth, and the bride no longer gigp' e i|
Permanent link to this item
https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/NZH18960125.2.88.39
Bibliographic details
New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXIII, Issue 10037, 25 January 1896, Page 4 (Supplement)
Word Count
485ODDS AND ENDS. New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXIII, Issue 10037, 25 January 1896, Page 4 (Supplement)
Using This Item
No known copyright (New Zealand)
To the best of the National Library of New Zealand’s knowledge, under New Zealand law, there is no copyright in this item in New Zealand.
You can copy this item, share it, and post it on a blog or website. It can be modified, remixed and built upon. It can be used commercially. If reproducing this item, it is helpful to include the source.
For further information please refer to the Copyright guide.
Acknowledgements
This newspaper was digitised in partnership with Auckland Libraries and NZME.