ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXIII, Issue 10037, 25 January 1896, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

" There is no place like home," provided ib isn't one where you Vre labelled in " inmate."

Mftb: " And so you're engaged to one nl the iMiuidon twine. How do you • between them ?" Fred: "I don't try!"||f Alpine Guide (as his convoy stumbles anJ K:i slides over a precipice): " There's nc ' particular reason to hurry, sir. We'll p' there in good time." Champ (savagely): " Your dog has bitten | ft piece clean out of my leg!" Sharps | (ditto): " Confound it 1 I wanted to bring j; him up as a vegetarian 1" „ fed Teacher (to the class in chemistry): |L> " What does sea-water contain besides ths , |bj sodium choride that we have mentioned'" fgj Bobby Smith ; " Fish, sir!" ® A journalistic lady named Finn is a prt' : ||,i minenb Melbourne- cyclisto. She w« ri m pronounced "rationals," and is widely m known as Mrs. "Finn-de cycle !" f|! At Afternoon Tea.—" Why do you aim) 1 {&■ have such big servants? They make yon 1; look so very petite." "Ah, my dear, )'« M see they cannot wear my dresses." P> " How to Raise a Boy" is the leadina M article in a magazine for family reading. |Jj The best way known is to show the bey' j| telegraph pole that overlooks a circus. Jack : " I boasted before I was tempted ■ » and now—" Tom : " Mow you're wonder- 1 « ing what you boasted about." Jack: " N'f |I at all. I'm wondering where in thunder IH bj got some more temptation." If Elderly Gentleman: "This is a remark- p| ably good photo of my son. Very lik' fa*: him, indeed. Has ho paid you for if yet' '|| Photographer: "No, sir." Elderly Gentle- || man : " Ah, very like him, indeed." jf||| No Sale.—Mose Schaumberg: " I vant to jjja doll you right now, Misther Silverstone, do' I don't give Rachel any ready money v - n IJj she gits marrid." Mr. Silverstone: "' n h| dob case, Mister Schaumberg, I pes; eJ,f ||S to inform you dot I don't marry liachel o» p long gredib, bub I vill consider your note M p thirty days mit brobber segurities." I|j| A lady entered a railway train, and too' ft seat in front of a newly married coup' (i f|| She was hardly seated before they beg' l " pi malting remarks about her. Her last year ' ;| bonnet and cloak were fully criticised, "'it" M more or less giggling on the bride'* I'- 11 ' 1 M and there is no telling what might ht'® ps come next if the lady had not put a sudden |> stop to the conversation by a bit of strategy »|j She turned her head, noticed that the b rllt ! B| was considerably older than the groom, a" 0 || in the smoothest of tones said: " Mad 1 ®' |i will you please have your son close I* l ' r| window behind you!" The "eon"clo'f H his mouth, and the bride no longer gigp' e i|