LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXIII, Issue 10037, 25 January 1896, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

•'Let me have audience for a There has been much discussion in the colony as to whether the present Govern mont were or were not the true heirs of Mr. Ballance and his policy. It has been> contended that they bad departed from » l Mr. Balance's ideals and # that nr. Ba lance, who was claimed as being the Father o Liberalism, would have scouted and scorned their methods. I have not taken very mud. interest in the subject, because I have net worshipped at either the Ballanee or the Seddon shrine, but lean now do a service by settling the question once jr all. < • Ballance announced that his course o ac ion on the native question was to be Acuity policeman policy-" namol could be of jrreater dimensions than could bo overcome by one member of that force to who... we all look up to with awe, and whose most formidable weapon is a wooden baton. -Mr. Seddon is not the political heir of Mr. Ballanee, and that is proved by tho fact that when n poor old Maori couple have to bo evicted from an island where they have no tribo around them, and no relative the one policeman who would be (iinte" sufficient for the purpose is nob sent, but a corps of artillerymen with a torpedo detachment. The expedition was a blow at the "one-policeman policy,' and was intended to turn it into ridicule. Only people will have their own opinions a* to where the ridiculous comes in. The fun seems chiefly to have been appreciated by Tenetahi and Haliui, his wife. It is a serious matter that they should be evicted from the placo where tlioy had lived most of their lives, but' they were somewhat compensated for the hardship by the humour of a little nrmy being sent, armed with the latest weapons, when they would have yielded to the one policeman policy. When Tenetahi, standing alono on the beach of' Hauturu, saw tho steamer come in and disgorge boatload after boatload of men armed with rifles and revolvers, he thought that war must have been declared by the Emperor of Germany, and that a landing of Germans was to be made to turn tho Little Barrier into a fortification threatening the city of Auckland. However hopelo.*s the odds, he was prepared to sing "Kule Britannia," to resist tho invasion, and to shed his blood on the shingle fi necessary. But he yielded at once when he was addressed in the name of the law.

But Tenetahi has another grievance which we can deal with. A telegram from Wellington in lust Friday's Herald stated that the Governor had visited the Little Barrier Island, and that on Tenetahi going up to welcome him he said lie was sorry he could not be as friendly to him as he had been to all other Maoris, as he was remaining on the island in defiance of the law. Tenetahi says there must be some mistake here. He and his wife shook hands with Her .Majesty's representative, who said that he had landed to see the island. If the governor had opened up the question of whether or .not he was right in remaining on the island, Tenetahi would have argued the question, and would have shown that great injustice had been done to him. He conceived that the visit of His Excellency was a compliment to him as owner of the island, Possibly there was a misunderstanding. Tenetahi is by no means strong in his command of English, and His Excellency has not yet acquired the Maori language. Captain Faircbilc! is always willing to do his best, lie has a great command of a number of vigorous Maori phrases, but he could scarcely get round the delicate terms of expression of a vice-regal speech.

A correspondent discourses on the subject of longevity, thus:—The columns of the Herald, one day last iveek, supplied me with an opportunity I have wanted, to ventilate a subject long uppermost in my mind. A reference was made to statistics of mortality. It was stated that doctors in particular, are very short-lived, and the writer, evidently a sympathiser, had an impression that one, if not the only cause, is the relatively inadequate pay received for their services. Now there is also another profession for whom I would like to put in a plea. These are the lawyers. I am not quite clear about the longevity of the latter, but can imagine that by the same rule of logic, very many must die in their tender youth. How, I ask, is it that gumdiggors do not die young? I saw an old man the other day, at the bottom of a hole ten feet deep, and he got for his trouble about 41b of gum, worth Is fid. ,I'he old man aforesaid received that sum for four hours' work. Let that writer take heart of grace; be has not yet fired the last shot out of his locker. I have heard the argument from doctors themselves. They say "Consider what our education has cost 1" I have spoken to gumdiggers educated in Universities. Take the case of the lawyer first. Say I ou n a small property, that at the best just serves to keep me out of the Bankruptcy Court, with the prices now obtainable for any kind of produce. If I want to let or sell this land, which returns so little interest on the outlay, I cannot do it without a lawyer taking from tho purchaser as an equivalent for his labour, two or three guineas for a couple of hours' work. This will be about the value of six acres of the land. Evidently something wrong here. It will take weeks to win the same sum from the ground. Now with regard to doctors, lawyers, or any other who seeks to live otherwise than " by the sweat of his brow," the contention is that they should be paid according to present currency value. The value of a shilling % or 30 years since, was about five-eighths 0! it- present relative value; thai is to say, you can now make one pound go nearly s-s far as two formerly would, and yet those to whom reference has been made, would like to maintain a stereotyped -cale of charges. That doctors jlave disagreeable work will not be denied, Jet it seems only reasonable to expect payment for their services in keeping with the Earnings of the struggling masses. 1 have bead that less than 50 years ago, a tax of ad was, in England, levied on every sheet of newspaper issued from the press. This is an age of scientific progress. We live in a new era. It would be just as reasonable for Government now to bewail the loss of this revenue, as for doctors or lawyers to claim exemption from the levelling tendency of the age.

How true is the assertion that history repeats itself ! When William in "Blackeyed Susan" appeared on the stage todanco the sailor's hornpipe he was "armed" with two little Union Jack; which lie unfurled, and during his terpsichorean performance waved them artistically to the tune of the orchestral band's music. And so it was with William in Kaiserland the other day. When he appeared bet ore the public at tho Vaterland on an auspicious occasion, he possessed himself of a standard and a sword, and these curious pair he waved in an impressive manner before his audience as a call upon them to defend tho Empire against allcomers—l mean, all foes. The cable which conveyed this news last Tuesday was silent whether he received vociferous applause with encores to repeat the dose, as William in "Black-eyed Susan" usually does, but perhaps his acting 011 the occasion was a bit stiff. With a metal eafMe-capped standard anil a cavalry sabre, lie would lack, that poetry of motion the "ther William is able to achiove with his liule Union Jacks under tho stirring strains M tho hornpipe manic accompaniment. It may be that Kaiser William essayed the hornpipe too, as it is very difficult to con :ci''o what ho is not capable of attempting, specially when he calls upon his generals to defend the empire against all foes. Gotb in himinel knows tho empire has no foes, except such as erratic William can conjure «p in his wild fantasies, unless it be the Socialists. The London Times,' I notice, comments on the " importance" of the statement of the Emperor of Germany in this little incident. It would no doubt be of importance in the holding of a it lunaiico iwjuirendo. One can understand a theatrical display of this sorb in an excitable Frenchman, but surely staid, sober-minded Germans must lnugh at it,

We have had various processes for extracting gold in th'j community, bub the best process that I have seen is the Yatman extractor. Mr. Ya'iman's process— from his remarks—is not a " dry" process, nor even a crushing affair, but appears to savour more of electricity and personal magnetism than anything else. If lie succeeds in relieving the Young Men's Christian Association of a heavy load of debt, there are a good many people who will arise and call him blossea, and the Yatman hab will be regarded as a real beaver. One of our members of the General Assembly at a critical crisis when a compact was made in the Legislature, put down as the Grab article, "Nothing for William Swanson." So the ftew York evangelist, in making his earnest appeal to the people of Auckland to wipo off this debt, puts this legend on his banner, "Nothing for 0. H. Yatman" bub the pleasant recollection of having accomplished a good work.

Mr. Yatman does not seem deeply impressed with somo of tho churches, as well as some of tho men in them. He speaks of America, for he would bo rather tender of saying such things of New Zealand. There are, he says, men in tho churches who aro prayer-meeting killers, and will nover be anything elso. " For instance," and this was by way of illustration, " I remember a church in tho United States, the ventilation of which was very bad. The parson made the sexton's life a burden to him, a3 did most of the congregation. He had got to find out tho trouble or quit. Maddened by his troubles, the sexton determined to get up in the church loft and mako a personal examination. One day he told old Deacon Growley that he had found out tho secret of the affair. " Well," said Growley, who was the " seventh vial" in the concrete, " what is tho ■ cause of tho bad draughts and smells ?" " Tho fact is," said the imperturbable sexton, "tho louvred openings are stuffed up with old prayers, that ntver got any higher I"

When the expedition sallied forth for the Little Barrier, the Artillery " closing their rivets up, and making note of dreadful preparation," tho injunction of tho immortal Bombastes Furioso came to my recollection, " Begone, brave army, don't kick up a row !" It goes without saying that they wont away in good spirits, and it was a heart-stirring sight to see the captors of Mahuki, the bronzed voterans of Pukekaw.i and Waipiro, waltz up the landing-place at the Barrier to the Celtic air of " Allister Macallister." The Santa Claus of the Defence Office played low down on Dr. \Vi|kins, in only sending him up his warrant of appointment (tied with three yards of red tapo and carrying a piece of sealing wax the size of a crown piece) as surgeon of the permanent militia. Had he got it in timo to hare joined tho force, with stretchers, bandages, and splints, the doctor might have run up a very decent bill on tho Government, which would have acted as a " refresher" on joining tho servico.

Down in Otago they have had some difficulty in appointing two assistant inspectors. Some of the members of the Education Board wanted the candidates to be brought into the Board room, and trotted out to show their paces. The object was to form a judgment of the mien or " side" of the applicants, but it was a mean thing to do. One might just as well stroke the dome of St. Paul's to get a notion of the Dean and Chapter. Mr. Mackenzie said the man the Board wished apparently to select was " one with a pretty manner and a soft voice, who would bring out his handkerchief judiciously, and who would havo a few 'sweeties' in his pocket." Does that fill the bill Mr. Petrie? Mercctio.