THE LIGHTS AND SHADOWS OF SYDNEY.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXXI, Issue 9497, 28 April 1894, Page 1 (Supplement)

THE LIGHTS AND SHADOWS OF SYDNEY.

~ [BY RALPH BRAVA.] PART L—THE LlGHTS—(Continued). Among the lights and shadows of Sydney may be found a few casuals of the " devil-may-care order," perhaps in higher spirit* than ordinarily, by reason of an undue intimacy with James Hennessy, Dawson, or some otherwise genial, but none-the-less potent spirit; causing one to reflect; that had such well-seasoned vessel or vessels, any remote notion of the numerous pit-falls and hair-breadth escapes they have to encounter during their not infrequent state of fuddle, methinks I would go a long way to make them " swear off liquor" for the rest of their natural lives. When the " Great Bard" moralized about the " Divinity that doth hedge a King," he might with equal fitness of things have included drunken men and sailors in the category. Whilst passing along a main street in the suburbs, my attention was attracted by the erratic vagaries of a dipsomaniac, who. was steering a somewhat equivocal course along a certain right-of-way; at the end of which was a ferocious-looking bulldog, chained to a post. Fearlessly approaching, he commenced stroking the animal on the head, The dog, strange to say, did not at first resent the familiarity; he was doubtless too much taken aback at the temerity of his would-be tamer, to make a sudden attack ; but eventually pricking up his ears, he commenced to growl, and show a double row of well-conditioned ivories. Meanwhile, the man, now closely followed by the dog, gradually edged off. Fortunately, a* it happened, the former chanced to tread upon a round stone and stumbled, whereupon the animal made a sudden spring for his throat, but having fallen somewhat out of range, he escaped, what might otherwise have eventuated in a severe mauling ; which let us hope, proved a salutary lesson to him. A somewhat similar incident recently occurred in one of the busiest thoroughfares of the city, whereby the traffic was momentarily suspended through the extravagant waywardness of a man slightly the worse for liquor. His abortive efforts to gain the opposite side were, to say the least of it, rather jeopardising to his safety, though doubtless highly diverting to the onlookers. He was a man slightly above the medium height, wore a Crimean shirt, tucked in a pair of ordinary work-a-day pants, encircled round the waist by a leathern belt. He was minus coat and vest, but sported a belltopper of doubtful colour, the band of which was embellished with a pink flower, which, like its owner, looked as though it had been up all night. The hat occupied a position slightly in the rear, and described an angle of 45 degrees. He was also chewing the end of a rather questionable-looking Havanna (probably of Swiss origin). It was not exactly his slow erratic movements, nor the fact of his wanting to enter into a conversation with some of the drivers, that attracted attention so much as the staid gravity with which he held up his right hand and kept it there, doubtless as a signal that he was to be considered "boss of the road," or for the time being, at any rate. From the manner in which he paraded the fact, it was self-evident he had himself been a steerer of vehicles in his lucid moments. Now, for profanity, pure and undented, perhaps the common sailor hath few equals, but for "second place," the "average vet " generally succeeds in "holding his own," especially when compelled to pull up abruptly; on which occasion he invariably goes off snap, "like a percussion cap." The present emergency afforded these " Knights of the whip " ample scope for giving vont to their pent-up feelings ; but the culprit was evidently "bomb-proof" against the thunder of epithets that were showered upon his devoted head; for, on gaining the opposite side, he ironically raised his hat to his late confreres, as likewise to a policeman on duty, who told him in a threatening tone " to move on out o' that, or he'd lock him up." Nothing daunted, however, he pursued the zigzag tenor of his way along the General Posb Office esplanade, giving a side wink at his now numerous admirers, which might have even done credit to the inimitable efforts of " Papa Eccles," at the same time humming to himself a snatch of the " old-time stanza" about John Brown's body, or rather his soul, and its irresponsible addictiveness to be kopb "slowly moving on." Of course he would have been "run in" without much compunction, bub his self-confident audacity enabled him. to get off Scot-free ; hence he soon got lord amidst the seething mazy crowd of Pitt-street, from which divergence we will leave him; in the hope that he has since straightened his course and mended his ways. A TVFICAL MODEL.

There is an indescribable fascination about your true original (provided he be of the representative type) that once you see him, he is for every after present in your mind ; and having squabbed bhere, you are nob likely bo dislodge him by any ordinary process of ejeebmenb, and even should you eventually succeed in banishing him from your thoughts pro tern., he will in all probability " happen upon you" unexpectedly, and under phases of a certain mutatis mutandis order, not always reconcilable. When previously encountered, he was, as already described, in a semi-condition of intoxication, Bind barely escaped being run over, not to say " run in." The Sunday following we had the pleasure of interviewing him in his native wilds, so to speak; in other words, in the Domain. A place where people are allowed to give free vent bo the weekly " banked-up fires of their imagination." Like the City Scent Bottle, it is popularly regarded as a hygienic purifier and. safety-valve combined ; so no doubt those who use ib go bo work in a much bebber frame of mind "after bus unloading." Our friend, like others, was already "on bhe sbump," and was haranguing a crowd bhab had gathered about him, " on bhe evils of inbemporance." In the course of a highly moral and pathetic address, he gravely importuned his hearers "to look not upon the wine while ib was rod," for ib cometh like a thief in the nighb to steal away our brains, etc., etc. He declared upon his word of honour that no manner or sorb of inboxicabing liquor had passed his lips for a period of twenty odd years—(coughs behind his hand). During the brief pause thab ensued, one of the crowd facetiously remarked, " Well, friend, you certainly do look as though you had been suffering from a long drought." (Laughter.) Ab the termination of his lecture he said bhab he was aboub bo raise funds with a view to founding an asylum for inebriates, and sympathetically appealed bo the generosity of his audience ; trusting: that everyone present would liberally " donate their mite," declaring in all seriousness thab a few coppers would suffice to lay the foundation. Unless his looks belied him, a pick-me-up, in the shape of a whisky and soda, was what he mosb of all thirsted for. A few days subsequently he was again bo the fore, and equally the centre of an admiring crowd ; on the latter occasion, however, at the outskirts of the ciby, and immediately fronting a certain hotel thab rejoices in the somewhat unique title of the " Dew-Drop Inn" (probably " Do drop in," would sound equally appropriate). lie had, it appears, managed to persuade one of a couple of stout Italian musicians (a stout violinist) for the loan of his instrument. After taking it in his hand, which he did with the air of an arblsb, he forthwith executed a couple of flourishes, and then started off into the pathetic and touching melody of "The Harp That Once," during which the facial expressions and by - play he infused into the performance was in itself quite a. work of art, and extremely diverting to ■. his audience. Yet, despite the fact of his being " half-seas-over," he played wibh astonishing accuracy; and

the way he shifted bo the upper notes proved him to be a thorough master of the instrument After playing several airs .equally well, he went round with the bat, and succeeded in collecting a fair sum, which he handed over to the musicians. Of course, he was treated to sundry free drinks, which he most assuredly would have been far better without; for the resulb of such excesses must- eventually bring with them their day of reckoning. The only consolation—if consolation it be, is thab he may prove the only sufferer by his persistent indulgences. the masher. " The masher proper," is nob, sbrictly speaking, racy of the soil, but, like measles and other questionable luxuries, is essentially an importation It is not generally conceded that the "festive sparrow," for instance, is popular in the country districts. It is even so with the masher, who is rarely seen outside the sacred precincts of the town-belt. Tho city's centre hath doubtless superior attractions for him. His "get up" is decidedly picturesque, as likewise his eye-glass jvhich, be it known, ib is now quite the fashion to wear abnormally large. As this inventive age has (among its numerous advances in science) given to the world search lights and reading-glasses, ib will not therefore be. a matter of great surprise should tho latter article suddenly come into popular favour, and eventually supplant the ordinary eyeglass; as " feminine charms," viewed through this improved medium or lens, would thereby be considerably enhanced.

In contradistinction to the "poela nascitur non fit theory," the masher is not born, but made (made up, in fact). Among his other acquirements, he revels in the characteristic drawl of his tourist countrymen, which he regards not merely as an accomplishment, bub as the only admissible passport to the " creme dela creme." The style " don't-yer-know," to use a colloquialism, is considered fetching, and consequently hath not a few imitators in the land of the cockatoo and magpie par excellence. For instance, our "gilded youth," when employed in the felicitous pastime of "doing the block," never neglect, providing the weather bo exceptionally fine, to take a double reef in the bottom of their pants. Alley Sloper (or «ome other poet) says " That a thing of beauty is a joy for ever." > Hence the innovation imparts aje nesaisquoi to the tout ensemble, which if not absoluely aesthetic, is unquestionably picturesque. A praiseworthy endeavour is also indulged to the extent of acclimatising a collar sufficiently high and stiff enough to entail upon its resplendent wearer the necessity of turning his entire body round in lieu of his head, unless, of course, he wishes, when encountering a friend, to cut his acquaint ance, or his own throat as the case might be. It is not considered good form, moreover, to employ a superfluity of words upon the occasion. "Ah ; yah yah ! Do-de-dar ! Bye-bye !" being ample, more than ample, in fact. Many never dream of turning either to the right or to the left, but merely condescend their acknowledgments by a lateral shake of the hand; which, be it known, it is highly necessary and becoming to raised' to the level of the hat "a la kangaroo." A* silk handkerchief may also be waved, provided ib be of a sufficiently gorgeous pattern, but care must be taken to infuse as little energy into the effort as possible. The aspirant, however, should never wear gloves, but merely carry them in a neglige degage manner in the left hand, whilst the right should be exclusively devoted to the bon ton method of carrying the gold or silver-mounted cane. It is highly necessary, too, that the article in question should be grasped at the extreme or ferrule end; and by carrying it in a semi-horizontal position, with the handle pointing to the rear. The owner is enabled thereby to swing ib about to and fro, pendulum fashion, and to the evident admiration of all beholders, especially chat of the fair sex, whoso often mistaken side glances send the required thrill of pleasure through the frame of the would-be exquisite, which in some measure compensates for the pain inflicted by the unyielding collar. It might bo observed in regard to the latter article that a similar collar was in vogue somewhere about the " middle ages," but was fashioned of steel, and may be said to possess a good many more points about it than the one pioviously described. Though torture, in those "piping times," was of course recognised as a State privilege. But wherefore moralise? " Vanity of vanities, what will wo not suffer for thy sweet sake !" Yet as the Colonial transcript is at best but a sorry travesty on the original, and " not ao all English, you know," we will leave the matter of its radical reform to students of the " Oscar Wilde school," or bo such others who may wish to immortalise their names by devoting themselves to this subject) of subjects.