SIGNALLING EXTRAORDINARY

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXIX, Issue 8964, 23 August 1892, Page 6

SIGNALLING EXTRAORDINARY

[from catholic times.] It is not generally known that some exceedingly interesting and remarkable experiments have recently been carried out at the . Wellington Observatory, in connection with the Astronomical phenomenon known as "the Return of Mara." The results have been of such a surprising, not to say startling, character as to fully justify the utmost reticence on the part of the authorities.

[ THE SIGNAL FROM MARS. i It appears that on the nteht when Mars ! was nearest the earth, the observer at the telescope, who was noting down its distance tance from certain well known stars and constellations, was struck by what seemed to him to be a sort of intermittent flashing from the planet. Ringing up the telegraph office, be requested the officer in charge to send him up at once an operator skilled in sub-marine cable reading. An operator was soon at his disposal, and by a clever arrangement the telegraphist was enabled to produce a series of bright flashes directed upwards towards the planet. CONNECTION MADE. He signalled: "Can you get me?'' " Yes, came back the reply. " How do you get my signals ?" "Very clearly. Who is it speaking ?" "Thompson, of Fourth Canal Prorince. Who are you ?" " ,of New Zealand. Whom have you got with you ?" " The Astronomer-General and the Minister for Science." "Wait a little," then said the New Zealand operator, and he reported to the observer. It was, of course, a wonderful and an unlooked-for development. Obviously it was the observer's duty to communicate at once with the members of the Ministry, and he did so by telephone. With as little delay as possible they arrived at the observatory and signalling was re-commenced, the Premier, the Hon. J. Ballance, directing the conversation : "Are you there?" flashed the telegraphist. " Yes," came back from the planet. " Who's with you now "The New Zealand Ministers. The Premier is speaking." " Oh! very well. The Minister for Science is at this end." GOVERNMENT IN MARS. " What kind of Government have you in Mars ?"

" Local Self-Government, with a presiding Court of Arbitration and control consisting of twelve men and a President, who is elected by the Court, as soon as constituted. Each of the twelve has one vote, and if there is a tie their own positions become vacant at once. There is very rarely a tie. The twelve are taken in alphabetical sequence from the twelve kinds of occupation recognised in this country, and no man can occupy a seat in the Court a second time until the rota of the adult male population has been exhausted." NO FEMALE FRANCHISE. " You have not got female franchise then in Mars? " interrupted Mr. Ballance. "We had once, but it turned out disastrously. The women got all the power in a marvellously short space of time, and only the boldest and worst of them came to the front. The result was that divorces could be obtained for sixpence, the females, by legislation, were forced to wear male attire, and a Bill was introduced to compel a man to marry any woman who set her affections on himself or his money. This was the last straw, and then came ' the revolt of man' and the relegation of the female to her natural and proper sphere of usefulness. It is recognised here that woman, desirable and lovely as she is, is an irresponsible animal, unfit to be entrusted with the government of anything except young children." " We're thinking of trying it here," said Mr. Ballance.

" Then don't," was the prompt reply. " You'll only repent it once and that will be always. The twelve occupations recognised here are : The Army, Navy, Law, Science, Literature, Banking, Scholastic, Commerce, Clerical Workers, Farming and Pastoral, and Manual Labour."

"Have you got ' One-man-one-vote V " '• We exploded that idea here a century ago. It resulted in the ultimate dominance of the irresponsible, just as in the case of the ladies. We have only single voting, but to qualify a man to vote he must be able, to the satisfaction of the local authority, to intelligently write down a confesssion of his political faith. If he records his vote contrary to that declaration, and without an excuse regarded as valid by a bench of judges, he is struck off the electoral roll for life. There is no ratting in this planet, and no selling of votes." " You are a democracy, of course ?" "Certainly ; but not to the insane extent of believing that one man is as good as another. It used to thought so, bub the fallacy was so patent ere long that people ceased to pretend to believe in ib. Brainpower, industry, and thrift were bound to tell." " We believe it in New Zealand." "Well, excuse me, you don't really, you know. If you are intelligent you cannot. It probably suits you to tell the Ignorant ones that, but by and by they will get to know better and will turn and rend you." THE UNEMPLOYED. "How do you get over the difficulty of the unemployed and the surplus population ?" "We keep on shifting them about by means of balloons, so that each local Government gets its turn at supporting them —that is, if they come down again. As a rule, the balloons disappear for ever into space. We thought perhaps you might know something about them. It is quite an accepted tradition here that you—that is, the Earth—are peopled with our waste population, and no one objects, when in difficulties here, to go on the Tellurian tour, as it is called."

"You have, of course, got rid of the capitalist in your country?" " On the contrary, we foster him as much as possible. A very long time ago here he was the subject of general abuse, but the advance of education showed that, when under reasonable restraint, he was not only a necessary and important factor in the community, but also a public boon." "We regard him as a ' social pest' here," interrupted the Minister for Labor, and the telegraphist flashed it on. "Oh! You'll grow older and wiser," said the man at the Mars' end, and the New Zealand Minister left the Premier to conduct the proceedings. GENERAL, " Have you many convicts, or rather criminals 1" Very few nowadays. When a man has twice been convicted of any offence against our laws we send him on the Tellurian Tour. If lie happens to come down on Mars again he is given another chance, but he seldom does. At any rate he always reforms if he comes back. Ballooning seems to have an elevating effect. "I understand you are the Minister for Science in Mars. Are you, therefore, a member of the Government ?" "Oh ! dear me, no ! Myself and other holders of Ministerial portfolios are simply paid officers or heads of Government Departments. We get our appointments by competitive examination, and have to go directly we fail to serve the people as they think we ought to do. We used to call members of the Government ministers, and pay them for doing nothing, while a subordinate really ruled the respective departments, but we gob wiser as we got older. You seem to have a lot to learn down where you are yet, and I—" At this moment a dense mist or fog hid Mars suddenly from view, and the signalling was abruptly put an end to.