ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXVIII, Issue 8664, 5 September 1891, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

" Paters poke a good deal ;of fun at girls," says a ladies' journal, " bub even editors know that a pretty girl and a narrow-seated dog-cart and a moonlight night make a very attractive combination." " Why- it that the good are nob always happy?" was the question which a Sunday - school tcacher in a city church put to her class of boys last Sunday. There was a <1< .d silence for a moment, and then a little fellow piped—" Because they're thinkin' of the fun they ain't havin First masher (trying to introduce himself) : "May I havo the pleasure of learning your name?" Saucy young thing (without stopping): "Pearl." Second masher: "Are you the pearl of great price?" Saucy young thing ." No, I'm the pearl before swine. Good-bye." The Dean of Canterbury set forth one day the other week to preside at a local option meeting at Rochester, but, mistaking his train, was carried on to London. The Dean of Rochester remarked, on hearing of the incident, that " the teetotallers and the inebriates seemed to suffer from the same infirmity—neither of them knew where to stop." A chemist, expatiating on the discoveries in chemical science, observed that snow had been found to possess a considerable amount of heat. An Irishman was present (he always is on such occasions), and observed that truly chemistry was a valuable science, and inquired of the orator what number of snowballs would be sufficient to boil a tea kettle !

Bridget could neither read nor write, but she was no fool for all that. " That was a very nice letter of Patrick's offering you marriage," said the mistress. " What shall I say in reply for you " You may tell him if you plaze, mum, that when I gets my wages raised next month, mum, I'll begin to save for the weddin' things." The mistress laughed, and saw the point. " " What is the matter with that baby ?" growled an irascible husband as the little one persisted in howling and kicking to the extent of its little might. The matter is, sir," calmly replied the wife as she strode up and down the floor, "the matter is that this baby inherits your temper." And the husband returned to his paper with a gloomier face than before. A travelling insurance agent had been explaining to a western pioneer the advantage of an insurance policy. Pathfinder paused a moment in silence, then said, " See, here, mister, I have lived out in this country for over twenty-five years, and I have bucked agin most of the games they've started ; bub darn me ef I want to play at a game where you have to die to beat the bank."