CASUAL RAMBLINGS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXVIII, Issue 8664, 5 September 1891, Page 1 (Supplement)

CASUAL RAMBLINGS.

[BY A. TRAMP, ESQ.] [FROM THE AUCKLAND WEEKLY NEWS.]', MOKAU MEANDERING S. MY FRONTISPIECEMURDER IN HIS EYE THE ENGLISHMAN'S MAGNA CHARTA— CZARINA— THE JEWS —A PECULIAR PEOPLE NOT WANTED— WOMEN TERRIBLE TYRANTS —SIR JOHN HALL'S DOLL —THE SALVATION OF THE LIBERAL PARTY —FEDERATION VERSOS THE FEMALE FRANCHISE—LAMBING TIME—WE GO MOKAU — AND WE WENT TO MOKAU. Sauntering through Dovon-streeb, Now Plymouth, tho Co. suddenly stopped in front of Gilmoar's stationer's shop. His eaglo eye had caught sight of my frontispiece in "Casual Rumblings Up and Down New Zealand," exposed to view in tho window. He looked it up, and he looked it down, he looked at ic sideways, and round the corner, sighed heavily, and shook his head with a perpendicular shake that said as plainly as spoken words, " Well, I'm d- and then marched sadly on to Mokau. I said something that sounded very like it myself when I first saw the murderous expression the inko photo demon had put into my eyes. Had a policeman laid his hand on my shoulder at t hat moment I should havo walked to the scaffold without a murmur. And the villain told me that) by his inko photo process I should appear as beautiful as an atigol; and thero I am, bearing no more resemblance to a heavenly being than a monkey does to the Apollo. My eyes completely d and as different from the expression in the origiual photo by Hanna as chalk from cheese. I believe I'm the victim of an experiment, Boomy, and the artist lias lived too long. " Woll, you could not expect a portrait to come out like a painting by Millais. I don't see that you havo much to growl about. You are always growling about something." "All, that's what the Hawera waitress said when I wanted to know why I could not have the same seat —near the fire— which I had occupied at the previous meal. She had given it away to a younger and a better-looking man. The young fellows always get the bulge on us old buffers with the waitresses." "Oh ! I say !" (exclamation of excited waitresses) " did you over." , No I never growl—without cause ;/ besides, I'm an Englishman (when I'lrl not Scotch) and exercise the privilege of one. .'Tis a glorious charter, deny it who can— the right to growl of an Englishman. Someone else will growl if you don't hurry up that Mokau excursion. That is so, Boomy. Well, then, "On Stanley, on" to Mokau. Tho Empress of Russia — What has she gob to do with our march to Mokau? Nothing that I know of; but talking of my book, just published, reminds mo that it contains a statement to the effect that the real cause of the expulsion of the Jews from Russia was owing to the enmity of tho Russian women, a statement which the Empress of all the Russians lias most emphatically confirmed by ordering the Jewish soldiers to be removed from her sight,as their presence was offensive toiler. Some people received my " rambling" remark with incredulous smiles. It they are not convinced now that my conjecture was right, they "ought to be. It was not a difficult guess either. Women, you know, old fellow, are at the bottom of almost every mischief. The Czarina is a Dane, the sister of our Princess of Wales, and her public manifestation of disgust at the presence of the chosen race comes as a surprise. What her particular grievance against them is she has not been pleased to say, but we may take it as read it is some other woman. Women generally have their way, and if they have made up their minds to get quit of the Jews, verily, from Holy Russia the Jews must go. Where the poor devils are to go to is a bit of a conundrum. There is much sympathy expressed for the Jews, and many maledictions hurled at the heads of their present I oppressors by sundry other nations, but none seem anxious to otter them an asylum of refuge. Russia's immediate neighbours will turn thorn out with bayonets. Their persecution will continue to the end. It is the price they pay for isolation, and being a "peculiar people." No raco or body of people can afford to isolate themselves, or make of themselves a peculiar people. A race that will not blend with tho governing race with which it dwells is doomed to be enslaved or exterminated. But really Russia and the other nations should find a piece of country for the unfortunate victims of their persecution to Squat on. As the Jews are notoriously fond of a new guinea, I would suggest that the Christian nations purchase the island from its pre sent owners, and give it to them. They might become useful to the defence of Australasia in the coming Chinese invasion.

Yes; women are terrible tyrants, and the Jews will receive little mercy when they control the legislation of this country. When they control the legislation, did 1 say V Judging from the fearful fuss made over the Female Franchise Bill by a petti-coat-driven Parliament, it looks as though woman, lovely woman ! was already mistress of the situation. The vital question of Federation can be. pooh-poohed out of sight with impunity, but not so with the •sentimental and frivolous subject of the female franchise billet-doux*. Sir John Hall dandles his doll before the House, and weeps and whines at what he considers discourtesy on the part of those who do not think it quite so pretty as lie does; and from the chorus of sympathetic howls from the Premier and its other aunties in the House, one would think that the very existence of the colony depended upon this tiling of rags and sawdust being endowed with political life. It is to be hoped that tho Conservative party—aye, both parties—may not find the waxen figure a Frankenstein, and regret their too successful efforts in giving it life. The Conservative party hold to the theory that women are naturally conservative. They are the mainstay of the churches— but for the " wanity" and weakness of women churches would scarcely pay to run —and the churches are ever conservative ; their conservatism reacts again 011 the women, and so the Conservative party hopo to bo saved. For my own part, I am nob so certain of the conservative tendencies of women. As a rule, they are extremists. Certainly they are extreme in their loves and their hatreds. Tho Empress of Russia, who only voiced tho feelings of her feminine subjects, shows how extreme is their antipathy, and what an active part they are taking in the brutal persecution of tho Jews. We saw them in the days of the French Commune foremast in every butchery and burning, steeped to the armpits in blood and petroleum. It is impossible to imagine what these doar, demure-looking creatures who fill our church pews are capable of doing when roused to action ; but I don't think they are capable of falling in love with a playedout Conservatism, and if they declare in favour of Radicalism, the present advanced wing of the Liberal party can take a back seat. The Hon. John Bollanco denies the country federation, but he is willing to grant ib the female franchise. For this much thanks ! And he predicts that when the time comes for him to leave office the verdict; of tho country will be that he left a good record behind him. I am of opinion that when tho time comes for the country to pay for its federation it will curso the day that accident elevated John Baliance to power. The Premier and his party are anxiously busy—or pretend to be so—finding land for the people, bub they neglect to make provision for a market for tho produce of tho land. Are we ever going to get to Mokau ? Yes, of course. See, here we are at Waitara. Th,ero is the dark smoke of the Mokau coal streaming from the tall chim- ! ney of the freezing works. That's where I they freeze all the little lambs we saw i wagging their little tails as we cams along,

It is very sad to think of the fate of these wee woolly innocents—to see them stark and stiff, and sewn up in a white pillowcase—but I've ordered two for a Christmas present to the old folks at home. There is every prospect of a good crop of lambs this year. Grass will grow, cows will calve, and ewes will lamb in their season, whether the Government of the country be good or bad. What! still mooning for Mokau! ell, we go ! wo go !