ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXV, Issue 9184, 13 October 1888, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

At the meeting of an agricultural society in an interior town this question was discussed—" Which ie the best way to keep girls on the farm !" A member suggested a barbed-wire fence 6ffc high with no gates. A gentleman, at the funeral of his wife, was annoyed to see the carriages containing the friends get terribly mixed up. "I. knew perfectly well," he said, with a tone of disappointment, " that this day wouldn't go off without some unpleasant incident." Will be busy enough :—Minister (who has been discussing woman's rights with Mrs. Hendricks, to Flossie) : "Well, Flossie, will you want to vote vhen you grow up to be a woman ?" Flossie (fcur years old) : ■ "N-no, sir, I think nob; I shall have all! I can do to look after my children." Mammn : " What's the matter, precious ? j Mabel, yon naughty child, what nave you ; been doing to your poor little sister ?" j Mabel (virtuously and defiantly): " No- i thing !" Mamma : " You have ! I know you ] have !" Mabel: " I only told her she's got to die some day, and she said she won't." A sensitive pig , :—" Patrick, you were on a bad spree yesterday." "Yis, Mr. Ellis, I was. Bless me if I weren't a-layin' in the gutter wid a pig. Father Ryan came along, looked at me, an' says he, ' One is known by the company they kape. , " "And did you get up, Patrick?" "No, but the pig did." Father (whom Bobby has induced to take him): " Now, Bobby, I don't quite understand this. If the man who throws the ball fails to hit the club after three trials, does that put the umpire out?" Bobby : " Pa, do you remember why you sent me to bed last night at seven o'clock ?" Father : "Why, n-no." Bobby: "It was for asking foolish questions." A singular scene has just been witnessed at Colchester, when the volunteers encamped on the Abbey Fields were paraded to witness tho "drumming out" of a private of the 3rd Essex Volunteer batallion for neglect of duty and insubordination. The shoulder ytraps and buttons having been torn off the culprit's uniform, he was marched under escort to the railway station and summarily dismissed. The fallowing item will be of interest to ladiea :—A new inflated bustle, duly patented, had jusfe come into use, made with a blow off aud safety valve. When the wearer eifcs dawn the wind epeapes up her spine, loesens her corset strings and blows bangs into the moft fashionable position. When she stands up the action tightens the strings and expands the bustle, whistles to her dog, and sticks a pin into her drowsy escort. A young gentleman of France one evening after a dance made a bet while supping that lie could swallow a raw egg; withoutbreaking the shell, and he did so. A few daysafterwards he experienced vioientpiiins, the doctor administered a strong emetic, the egg came back, but broken, and out sprang a young chicken. The warmth of the young man's stomach had produced tho unexpected result; and if anyone doubts the truth of the story, tsay those who vouch for it, ho can go to Chalons and see the chicken that was hatched. The young man had asked him for the hand or his daughter, and a pang wrung tho fatherly heart of Mr. Kajones as he looked at the youth for some moments in sihnce, and thought of the bitterness of parting with his well-beloved child. "I suppose, Oliver," he said at last, "it is only natural and right that when the young birds become old enough to fly they should leave their parental nest and go off with their chosen mates (.o build nests of their own, ana yet it hurts, Oliver, it hurts, when I think of ono of my fledglings getting ready to fly away." "This seems to be a good-sized nest," ciuggosted the young man, anxious to soften the blow ; "perhaps you'd rather have me and Alvira stop right here." A diminutive drummer in a local brass band in Scotland was in the habit when out parading with his comrades of walking by sound and not by sight, owing to his drum being so high that he was unable to see over it. The band, on Saturday afternoons, paraded usually in one direction, but the other day the leader thought he would change the route a little and turned down a by-street. The drummer, unaware of this movement, kept on his accustomed way, drumming as hard as ever he could. By and bye, after finishing his part, and not hearing theothers, he stopped, and pushing his drum to one side, he looked to seo what was the matter. His astonishment may be imagined at finding that he was alone. " Hae !" he cried to some bystanders, " has ony o' ye seen a band hereaboot ?"